Chapter 26
26
AMELIA
“ A re you sure?” he asked.
I had to draw on every bit of self-control and willpower I could find to stay strong.
This thing between us had to end before it blew up in both of our faces.
.
“No,” I said. “I can’t. We can’t.”
“We can and we did, and we did it well,” he said with that smile.
The man was too damn cocky for my own good.
“But we won’t again,” I said.
“Why not?” He shrugged.
“What’s going on? What changed in the last eight hours? Amelia, I was there. I felt you. I tasted you. I know you liked it.”
I felt my cheeks burning.
I wasn’t really embarrassed, but damn, he did make it hard to resist him.
“I can’t just be someone you see when you want my body,” I said, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to sound strong.
“I’m not built for that kind of relationship.”
He frowned.
“What does that mean?”
I took a deep breath, reminding myself to be strong.
Don’t cave into that naughty little voice in the back of my head telling me it’s okay to flirt with this hookup.
“It means I don’t do casual,” I said.
“I can’t just be a piece of ass when you’re in the mood.”
“You know that’s not what this is,” he said.
“No, I don’t know that,” I replied.
“You want sex. I get it. Yes, it’s good, but I’m not the kind of person that can distinguish between casual and meaningful. My body is meaningful to me. I don’t want to change. I don’t want to be the kind of person that will hop in bed with a guy because it feels good in this moment.”
He stared at me.
I watched his face go through a myriad of emotions.
For a fleeting second, I thought I saw something soft, something vulnerable, but then—just as quickly—it was gone.
That coldness crept back into his eyes, and my stomach dropped.
He looked away. “Amelia…” he started, but there was hesitation in his voice, and that hesitation told me everything I needed to know.
I swallowed hard. My heart felt like it was physically shrinking, pulling itself inward, trying to protect what was left of my dignity.
I didn’t want to hear the rejection.
“I’ve been alone my entire life, and it’s not what I want for my future,” I said.
“So this is over. It was fun, but no more.”
His jaw tightened.
His eyes, those same eyes that had once looked at me like I was the only thing in the world, darkened.
“Amelia, don’t do this.”
I let out a hollow laugh.
“Don’t do what? Have self-respect? Set healthy boundaries?”
“That’s not what I meant,” he snapped, then sighed, running a hand through his hair.
He looked frustrated, as if I was the one making things difficult.
“I just… I don’t do relationships.”
I nodded slowly, letting the words sink in.
“I know.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“You told me that from the beginning. But I thought—” I stopped myself because what I had thought didn’t really matter anymore.
I had thought I could change things.
I had thought I was different.
I had thought, deep down, he cared more than he let on.
But I had been wrong.
He took a step toward me, his movements cautious, as if he wasn’t sure if I’d bolt.
“Amelia,” he said again, softer this time.
“What do you want me to say? That I want the same things you do?”
I flinched.
“That’s not what I need, no.” I met his gaze, searching for something, anything, that would make this hurt less.
“I just needed you to care enough to try.”
His lips parted, but no words came out.
For once, the ever-composed, ever-controlled man standing before me looked utterly lost.
I shook my head, stepping back.
“I can’t be the only one who feels this way, can I?”
He swallowed hard.
“You’re not.”
That admission hit me like a punch to the gut.
“Then why are you fighting this?”
“Because it’s not that simple,” he said.
“Maybe it is,” I countered.
“Maybe you’re just scared.”
His eyes flashed, something dangerous and raw beneath the surface.
“Of course I’m scared,” he admitted, and it was the first time I had ever heard him sound so unguarded.
“You think I don’t know what happens when you let someone in? When you give them a piece of yourself?”
“And what happens?”
“They leave. They cheat. They fuck with you.”
“I’m not them,” I said softly.
He let out a bitter laugh.
“No. You’re not. You’re worse.”
I recoiled as if he had struck me.
“Worse?” My voice broke on the word.
And he quickly shut down.
That softness disappeared.
I knew there was no point in sticking around.
He wasn’t going to change.
“I’m going to go,” I said.
“I hope we can still work together. I do appreciate my job here and I would like to continue the work.”
“Of course,” he said.
“Okay. Alright. I’ll see you around.”
I hoped, deep down, that he’d stop me from leaving.
That he’d lay his heart out for me, confirm my suspicions that he felt the same way—that there was more here.
But he didn’t. He just stood there, his expression blank.
I felt my heart break a little more.
I turned for the door, my chest tight, but before I could take more than a step, he grabbed my arm.
I stopped, feeling my heart jump with hope.
“Yes?”
“Are you sure you won’t be happy with just this?”
I turned to face him.
“I want more. If you can’t offer me that, nothing else needs to happen between us.”
He frowned, his grip tightening on my arm.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for. Relationships… they’re messy. Complicated. I’m not interested in that.”
I pulled my arm free.
I was trying to give him space and let him get his shit together, but I was done playing nice.
“Because you tried it once, and it turned out badly? Was that with Gemma?”
He flinched, his expression darkening.
“Yes. It was with Gemma. And it didn’t just turn out badly—it destroyed me. I’m not doing that again.”
I stared at him, my chest aching.
It was painfully obvious, despite his attempts to hide it, that Gemma had hurt him.
That relationship had changed him, and he was still carrying the scars.
But that didn’t change the fact that he was pushing me away, refusing to let me in because of what she did.
“Jared,” I said, my voice softer now.
“I get it. I do. But you can’t let one bad experience dictate the rest of your life. You can’t shut everyone out because you’re scared of getting hurt again.”
He shook his head.
“It’s not just that. I’m too busy for a relationship. I don’t have the time or the energy to give someone what they need.”
I felt a flicker of anger, but it was quickly overshadowed by sadness.
Jared Welch, despite his warmth, kindness, and interest in me, was still the arrogant, egotistical man I’d met at the awards show.
And I realized, with heartbreaking clarity, that he wasn’t going to change.
Not for me. Not for anyone.
“I’m not asking for all your time,” I said.
“I’m just asking for a chance. For something real. I’m not Gemma.”
He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.
I could see the wheels turning in his mind, calculating the risks, weighing them against whatever it was that he wanted from me.
I waited, hoping and praying.
Why? Why in the hell was I still hoping?
Finally, he looked at me again.
“That’s just it, Amelia,” he said, and there was a note of desperation in his voice.
“You’re not Gemma. You’re not anyone else I’ve been with. You’re… different.”
Hearing him say it should have made me happy, but the way he said it made it sound like that was a bad thing.
That was a blow to my ego.
My self-esteem wasn’t exactly high, and he wasn’t making it any better.
“Different,” I said with a nod.
“I see. You’re right.”
“Different isn’t bad,” he said.
“Don’t explain,” I said and shook my head.
“I don’t need an explanation. I understand. I’m good enough to fuck, but that’s where it stops.”
“Wait, that’s not?—”
“No. Goodbye.”
“I can’t give you what you need,” he said.
“This is my version of trying.”
I shook my head, feeling tears prick at my eyes.
I blinked them away.
“No,” I said softly.
“This is your version of hiding.”
He didn’t respond, his expression closed off.
I felt my heart break a little more.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I supposed that was something.
He was sorry.
“Goodbye, Jared,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
He didn’t stop me. I turned and walked out.
The warm, humid air was a stark contrast from the cool air-conditioning in Jared’s house.
I took a couple of deep breaths, pushing down the sadness that tried to cling to me.
It was better this way.
I was smart. I had a lot on my plate that he didn’t know about and the last thing I needed was to deal with a man who couldn’t make up his damn mind about what he wanted.
It would have been a shitty relationship anyway.
Jared didn’t trust me or anyone else.
I wasn’t going to burden an already broken man with my problems. I’d always dealt with my problems by myself.
Maybe that was the way it was supposed to stay.
It was easier to move through life without having to worry about someone else’s feelings.
I had to worry about my mother.
That was enough.
Plenty of women stayed single their entire lives.
That was going to be me.
I felt it. I had grown up watching Kate Middleton get her prince.
But now, I was thirty-one with no princes on the horizon.
It was time to accept the fact I was well on my way to spinsterhood.
I would just have to be grateful for the great sex I did get with Jared.
It was tempting to accept his offer for more great sex, but I couldn’t do it.
My DNA wouldn’t allow me to have a fling.
Maybe it was because I watched my mother mourn my father in her own brain-damaged way.
Her brain refused to allow her to let him go.
But I didn’t dwell. That was not my thing.
Life moved on. Dwelling just made it harder for me to move on with it.
The campus was quiet, the only sound the faint rustle of palm trees in the breeze.
I felt sticky. I was getting used to the humidity, but the stickiness was still annoying.
I spotted a bright red flyer on the bulletin board where various announcements were posted.
It was for the Fourth of July party.
The flyers were everywhere on campus.
There was a clear box with a stack of them.
I pulled one out and scanned it.
I tucked it into my pocket and kept walking.
I wondered if staying here, living here, working here at my dream job was ever going to stop feeling like a dream.
When I had been in Miami with my mother, I had missed the campus.
I couldn’t wait to get back to my lab and back to work.
But now, I wondered if I was really in the right place.
I walked back to my condo with my eyes burning with unshed tears.
I’d let him take advantage of me, let myself believe that there could be something more between us.
And now I was paying the price.
I should have known there was never going to be a relationship.
I had no one to blame but myself.
When I met him at the awards dinner, I knew exactly who he was.
I walked away that time; I should have walked a second time.
In my condo, I sank onto the couch.
My phone rang, startling me.
Jared?
I quickly pulled it out, expecting to see his number.
But it wasn’t him.
My heart sank when I saw the number.
It was the care facility.
“Hello?”
“Dr. Pritchard,” the nurse said.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry to call so late, but… well, we think it’s best if you come as soon as possible.”
I closed my eyes, the tears spilling over.
“I’ll be there.”
I hung up the phone and took a second to just remember to breathe.
My mom. Jared. Everything was falling apart.
I got up and went to my bedroom to quickly pack.