Chapter 31
ALYSSA
Alyssa was sitting, staring straight ahead, wondering if she’d somehow entered some kind of parallel universe.
Or maybe she was in one of those movies where it turns out you’re living a false reality, in an artificial world, and there are actually secret cameras everywhere and millions of people at home, eating pizza while they watch you go about your life on their telly.
It was even more shocking because, until ten minutes ago, everything had been perfectly normal. If Lachlan Morden, former arch nemesis, sitting at her kitchen table, waiting for the AA to come out with a pump to reinflate his tyres could be called normal.
It had definitely paled into insignificance compared to what had happened next, when her mother had come into the kitchen with Stan McLean following behind her.
That had immediately puzzled Alyssa. She’d only ever seen the man in passing, and now he was apparently hanging out with her mother?
Her first thoughts had been that perhaps there was a problem with the party.
Or that he wanted to make a request on Jessie’s behalf. Had they run out of wine again ?
Dorinda had immediately tossed Lachlan out. ‘Can I have a moment with my daughter please?’
Lachlan had shot up and Alyssa could almost see him considering his options. He could go into the café and join the party. Or go freeze his bollocks off outside.
He’d decided on the latter option. ‘I’ll just wait outside at my car.’
Meanwhile, her mother had slipped into a seat at the table. ‘Darling, I have something to share with you.’
How much champagne had her mother sunk? Not that this was a particularly unusual occurrence – Ginny used to joke that their mum listed her occupation as Wine Chugger on her passport application form.
She’d tuned back into what her mum was saying. ‘The thing is, Stan and I…’
Stan and I? Alyssa had no idea that there was a Stan and I .
‘…have something to discuss with you. Stan wanted to talk to you tomorrow, but I wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t bugger off to Tenerife and dodge the whole issue, so I’m insisting we tell you now.’
Definitely must be a complaint about the party, Alyssa had decided. Someone had said earlier that the ladies’ toilet was out of commission, so maybe it was something to do with that, but her grandad had gone off to check and had assured her it was fine.
Her confusion had lasted even after Stan had sat down next to her mother and begun speaking.
‘Alyssa, I’m so sorry about this. I still maintain that this isn’t the right time or place…
’ He’d cast a glance at Dorinda, who’d smiled sweetly back at him.
‘But since your mum was set on telling you tonight, and I feel that this is my responsibility too, I wanted to do it myself. You see… you see…’
Alyssa’s stare had been going from her mum to Stan back to her mum to Stan. And the fact that he was taking forever to get to the point made it even more excruciating.
Drunk Dorinda had obviously felt the same because she’d suddenly lost patience, rolled her eyes and blurted, ‘He might be your father.’
Of all the things Alyssa could have imagined coming out of her mother’s mouth, that wasn’t on the list.
‘What? Is this a joke, because it’s not funny.’
Stan had shaken his head wearily. ‘It’s definitely not a joke and definitely not funny. I’m in a state of shock myself about it all, so I can only imagine how it must feel to hear this and I’m so sorry.’
Alyssa hadn’t even known how to process that, so she’d focused back on the eye of the storm. Leaning forward on her elbows, she’d glared at her mother. ‘I think I’m going to need a bit more information here. I thought my dad was an ex-boyfriend who did a runner when I was a child?’
‘Possibly,’ her mother had admitted. ‘But the reason he did a runner was because he found out… and by “found out” I mean I let it slip that when I began dating him I was still seeing Stan here. We were in love.’
‘We weren’t in love, Dorinda. There have been enough lies. Don’t be adding any more.’ Stan’s words had been dipped in weariness, not anger. He’d turned back to Alyssa. ‘But she’s not lying about our affair. It was a brief fling, but it did happen.’
Maybe it had been the use of the word ‘affair’ that had dropped the bomb of realisation in her mind.
‘Oh no,’ she’d groaned. ‘You were already married to…’
‘Jessie.’ A flash of embarrassment or pain or shame – Alyssa didn’t know him well enough to judge – had crossed his face. ‘Yes. I’m not proud of it. It was a long time ago and it was the only time that I was ever unfaithful. ’
‘He was crazy for me,’ Dorinda had interjected, before giving him a touch of side-eye. ‘Although not enough to leave his wife, despite having the option of a life with me.’
‘Dorinda, enough!’ His words were low but sharp, and they’d had the desired effect of shutting her mother up. ‘I was never leaving Jessie and you knew that right from the start.’
Her mum had shrugged and Alyssa had known he was speaking the truth.
‘Although, I’m not sure that matters now,’ Stan had said, ‘because that’s all in the past. I did something terrible that I’ll always be ashamed of, but all that I care about now is that I do the right thing for you and for my family.
I’m so sorry, Alyssa. I wish we’d been given the opportunity to have this discussion long before now. ’
Alyssa couldn’t even respond to that.
She had no idea how long they’d sat in silence, maybe seconds, maybe minutes, because all she could do now, in this moment, was stare straight ahead. It felt surreal. Bizarre. Like an out-of-body experience. Bloody. Actual Fuck.
Finally, time and reality kicked in, and she found her voice.
‘Stan, does Jessie know about… you and my mum?’
‘To be honest, I wasn’t aware that she did, but she told me tonight that she knew all about it at the time, and decided to overlook it for the sake of our children.
They were only young at the time. Like me, she didn’t know there was any possibility that you were my daughter though.
We only found that out when your mother told us tonight. ’
Alyssa couldn’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for lovely Jessie.
His comment made her mind pivot to another thought.
The sake of their children. And that came with the newsflash that if Stan was her dad that would mean Georgie and Grant were her brother and sister.
Her brain flicked up photos of them both and she automatically began trying to identify any similar features.
They were both a few years older than her, but it wasn’t out of the question.
Ginny would have to lie down in a dark room if she heard that she wouldn’t be the only sibling with presents under the tree at Christmas.
Actually… She asked Stan the question that had just occurred to her. ‘What about Ginny? Could she be yours too?’
‘No, like I said, it was a brief affair and we were long over by then. The point that I want to stress again, though, Alyssa, is that I had no idea there was even a possibility that you were my daughter. I don’t get involved in village life and I didn’t even know your mother was back here or had children until years later.
I might have put two and two together if I had.
I’m sorry. I know that makes me sound like the worst kind of person… ’
‘It doesn’t make you sound great,’ she conceded. But then, Georgie always talked about how lovely her dad was, so maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt.
‘I see that. But for what it’s worth, now that I know it’s a possibility, I’d like to take responsibility for what happens next. That’s why I’m speaking to you now and why I didn’t want you to hear about this without me here. You mother is suggesting we do one of those DNA tests.’
Her mum immediately became animated. ‘We could apply to do it on that TV show that reunites families.’
‘Mum, no! Oh God, I can’t do this…’ Alyssa put her head on the table in front of her, left it there until she had the strength and fortitude to lift it again.
‘Okay, first, Stan, yes – I think we should do a DNA test. I don’t know how that works or what we’d need to do, but I think it’s important to find out for sure. ’
He nodded his agreement to that plan, so Alyssa moved on.
‘And, Mum, no, we are not doing it on the fricking telly. And just so you know, a heads-up about this at some point in the last twenty-seven years would have been tickety-bloody-boo.’
Dorinda’s cherry red lips formed into a petulant pout. ‘I was protecting you, darling.’
‘From what? The only thing you were protecting me from is your past. Did you ever wonder how I would feel? Or what would be best for me? Or… Forget it. Of course you didn’t. Why tell me now? Tonight? What were you thinking?’
‘Well, he’s about to swan off to the sun tomorrow and who knows if he’ll ever come back.
Why should he have this easy life and I’m still stuck here?
I should be the one doing that. I deserve it, not him and Jessie!
’ The venom in her voice said so much more than her words and Alyssa understood it all.
Same old story. Jealousy. Self-obsession.
Bitterness. A chronic need for attention.
Dorinda couldn’t bear that someone else was going to be happy, when she was so fricking miserable with her own life.
And, of course, her mum’s vitriol and the nastiness always escalated when she was wasted.
Alyssa and Ginny had watched her in drunken rants all their lives.
That was the mother Alyssa had always known, so it shouldn’t be a surprise.
However, Alyssa was cut from a different cloth, one that cared about other people too.
She turned back to Stan. ‘As I said, I’ll do the DNA test, because I’d like to know for sure – but I’ll only do it if it’s okay with Jessie.’