Chapter 20
Rob and Angus carried the futon into Melinda’s old bedroom, trying not to trip on the clutter. “Let’s put it down here,” Angus wheezed. “And remember to use your legs, not your back.”
“I know,” Rob said, and they both grunted as they set the futon against the wall.
“Whew!” Angus mopped his brow. “A heavy sucker, isn’t it? But that’s good, it means it’s sturdy. Julio’s been having lumbar issues, but with this big guy?” Angus patted the futon proudly. “He’s going to get the support he needs.”
Angus’s father and Gabby’s dad wandered into the room now, Melinda following behind them with a scowl on her face. “What do you think, Julio?” Angus II asked, putting an arm around Mr.Alvarez, proud as if he’d carried the futon himself. “Looks good, right?”
“Looks great.”
“And now you can use this room as an office or an exercise room, but there’ll still be a place for Melinda to sleep.”
“Why aren’t you doing this in Gabby’s room?” Melinda asked, frowning.
“She comes home more than you do.”
“No,” Melinda said, her scowl intensifying. “It’s because she has a kid, so I’m the lesser daughter—”
“Mija,” Mr.Alvarez began, but Melinda turned on her heel and stormed out, her father following behind as they continued their argument.
Angus’s dad shook his head, then looked expectantly at Rob and Angus. “Well, we might as well load out the mattress while we’re here to resell it for them. We can put it in the same truck where the futon was.” By “we,” he obviously meant Rob and Angus. He turned to go, then shot one final, proud look at the futon. “Melinda will grow to love it. It’s a sterling model, isn’t it?” Angus nodded eagerly. “Trent has been selling them left and right!”
A storm cloud passed over Angus’s face as his father walked out of the room. He and Rob went to opposite ends of the mattress. Rob raised an eyebrow. When Angus caught him looking, Angus fixed a not completely convincing smile to his face. “Let’s lift this bad boy up!” He gave another grunt and hoisted his end into the air.
“Who is Trent?” Rob asked, forgetting to lift with his knees instead of his back, then cursing himself as he felt a twinge in his muscles.
“Oh, my father’s star employee. Trent is probably going to take over the business when he retires.”
“And…you don’t think he’s a good guy?”
“No. What? Oh, no, no, no. Trent is nice. Trent is perfectly nice! And he’s a fine salesman.”
“But…?”
Angus paused, clearly at war with himself, before bursting out with, “But Trent has no vision!”
“Do you really need vision to run the store?” Rob asked as they maneuvered the mattress down a hallway to the back door, sounds of the party trickling in from the front of the house.
Angus gaped at him. “Yes! Do you think my father would’ve expanded up and down the whole turnpike without vision? Futon technology is constantly evolving, and people’s needs change, and you’ve got to be able to stay plugged in. Like with futons for pets—you know that one-third of people in the US own a dog now? That’s a whole emerging market, but Trent doesn’t think it’s a good idea—” He cut himself off, his face red with exertion and passion as they carried the mattress outside. “I gotta calm down. If my dad wants to give Trent the business, he’ll give Trent the business.”
“He could give you the business,” Rob said mildly.
“No, I am my own man! I’m not some joke who needs his father to hand him a career—” Angus cut himself off, opened the door to the truck, and shoved the mattress in, none too gently.
“Hey,” Rob said. “Who’s calling you a joke?”
Angus waved his hand through the air, facing away from Rob. “Nobody.”
“Angus,” Rob said, stepping around to look his friend full-on, grasping his shoulder. “Tell me.”
“Oh, sometimes the guys at the office make little remarks, but it’s all in good fun.” Angus rubbed his hand across his face. “Sorry, I’m tired. It’s been a lot, with Christina, and things only getting more intense at work. But intense is good. The boss is giving me more responsibility because he knows I can handle it.”
“If you want to talk about it…” Rob began, but Angus shook his head firmly and switched on his familiar smile.
“I want to talk about you, and why you’ve been in such a good mood all night!”
Rob could not tell Angus about the engagement just yet. Angus would immediately tell Gabby, which would be fine—Gabby could keep a secret. But he would also be so obvious about it with Rob during the rest of the party—beaming at him, ruffling his hair, putting an arm around both him and Zuri, and starting to cry—that everyone would figure out something was up. Rob had never been able to tell Angus exciting secrets. (On the other hand, if Rob ever had a truly devastating secret—say, he needed Angus’s help in burying a body—he would trust Angus with it, though the effort of holding it in might destroy Angus entirely. Not that Rob would ever secretly bury a body. If, in some unlikely and horrific scenario he accidentally killed someone, he would report himself to the police.)
“It’s just nice to see you,” Rob said.
“Aw, buddy,” Angus replied, “same here. And it’s always good to spend time with Zuri too. I want to get to know her even better.” He brushed his hair back, sending it sticking up into the air. “Okay, I should go back into the party.”
Rob’s phone began to buzz. His parents, calling to say hello. (Well, his mother calling and putting it on speaker as she sat next to his dad. Sometimes Rob wondered, if his parents got divorced, would his dad ever take the initiative to call him again?) “I’ll see you back inside,” Rob said, waving Angus off, then answering the call. “Hello?”
“Hi, sweets,” his mother said, while his father called out, “Hello there.”
“How are you guys?” he asked, and as his mother began to tell him about a lecture they’d attended the other night, and his father interrupted to talk about the fancy dinner they went to with the guest speaker afterward, Rob thought that maybe he could tell his mom and dad. The exciting news was a battering ram inside his mouth, fighting to burst out into the open.
His parents would be thrilled. His dad and Zuri had gotten along swimmingly when they all got together in the days after Christmas last year, just as Rob had known they would. Professor Kapinsky had come away impressed by her research. Zuri had plenty of questions for him about making a life in academia.
Meeting Zuri, Rob’s dad had given his son something so rare: total approval, no notes. Rob could get used to that feeling.
“And how are you?” his mother asked. “How was the christening?”
“The christening was nice,” he began as he walked from the driveway into the backyard, pacing on a little stone patio that bordered the house. Sounds of the party hummed in the background. “Angus is very proud. You should see him, he’s a natural father. And I’m great, actually. Zuri…”
But, no, it wasn’t right to tell his parents without Zuri. They would wait to call together when everything was official.
“Zuri got some good news on one of her papers being accepted into a journal,” he finished.
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” his mother said.
“What’s going on with your research?” his father asked, and Rob rolled his eyes. “You know you need to publish regularly if you want tenure.”
“I am aware,” Rob said. God, his dad couldn’t even be bothered to say something nice about Zuri’s achievements? He’d surely react less dickishly to their engagement. If he didn’t, Rob wasn’t quite sure what he’d do.
“Please give Zuri our congratulations,” Rob’s mom cut in.
“Yes, tell her and Angus that they should send us some pictures of the baby,” his dad said.
“What?” Rob asked, something catching in his mind.
“No,” his mother said in a more muffled voice, “not Gabby. Zuri, his girlfriend.” His mother spoke back into the phone. “Sorry, the reception is a little fuzzy.”
“Yes, yes,” his father boomed. The reception sounded fine on Rob’s end. “That smart girlfriend of yours! Give her our congratulations on the paper.”
“I will,” Rob said, letting out a breath right as his father continued, “Now, when do we get to meet her?”
The ensuing silence seemed to stretch millennia, though it probably lasted only a second. Rob scrambled to find his footing, opened his mouth to force something out. But then his mom jumped in. “Yes, Rob? When do we get to meet the baby? We’d love to see her sometime.”
He swallowed, suddenly unsure whether he was being ridiculous. “I’ll ask Angus and Gabby,” he said, then couldn’t stop himself from continuing, “Mom, can I talk to you privately?”
“All right.” The sounds of her walking down the hallway and shutting a door filtered into Rob’s ear. “What is it?”
“Mom”—Rob’s heart thudded heavily in his chest—“is something going on?”
“What do you mean?” Her voice was strained, as if she was trying for cheerful but couldn’t quite get there. He remembered that voice. She’d used it all the time, that one summer when it had been just the two of them trying and failing to prove something.
“With Dad. With his memory.”
Rob stepped onto the grass. Dead dry leaves had fallen, scattered around the yard. He crumbled one under his shoe, driving it into the dirt.
His mother sighed. “Oh, goodness. You mean the Gabby and Zuri mix-up? He wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but he’s having some problems with his hearing. We should go to the doctor and see about hearing aids, but you know him, he’s so proud.”
“Really? That’s all?”
“Well, he’s getting older. He’s having the little lapses you might expect from someone his age, and I understand how that, combined with his hearing issues, could be disorienting over the phone. But I don’t think you need to worry too much. Just call him more often, won’t you?” She sounded suddenly energized. “And I’ll get him to look into hearing aids. I promise I will.”
“If you’re sure—”
“Yes. Oh, he’s calling for me, I have to go…But we love you, sweets, and we’ll talk again soon.” The call disconnected.
So his father was getting older, becoming more entrenched in his self-centered ways, cracks starting to show in his towering facade. Something that happened to everyone who was lucky enough to live that long. But for the first time, Rob really considered the fact that, someday, Professor Kapinsky would have to retire. What would he do with himself then? Who would he even be? And someday, after that, he wouldn’t be there at all.
Well, even better that Rob and Zuri were on the right track, right now. His father could see that Rob was doing better than fine, that his son had everything figured out. At their wedding, Professor Kapinsky would give some toast about how proud he was. He would go on for twenty minutes and receive a standing ovation from the crowd, stealing Rob and Zuri’s thunder, and Rob would be angry about it, but it would be so much better than the alternative. And Rob needed to double down on his research, so he could get tenure before…well, it would be good to stay on an efficient timeline.
Rob stood there in silence for a moment, then put his head in his hands, unsettled. His eyes stung, and he dug his palms into them to stop the sensation.
A crunching noise sounded behind him. He turned to see Natalie stepping on a dead leaf as she reached for the handle of the back door, trying to sneak back inside unnoticed. She froze with her hand on the doorknob.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“How long have you been out here?”
“Only thirty seconds. I was trying to get a…get some fresh air.”
“The backyard is all yours,” he said brusquely. “I should find Zuri.”
“She’s manning the food station. Gabby’s mom realized how helpful she was and is not letting her go.”
“Thanks,” he said, and made a move to walk past her, but she reached out and touched his arm, then drew her hand back, as if she’d accidentally put it on a hot stove.
“Wait. Are you okay?” she asked. Her dark eyes X-rayed him.
“Yes.” But she wouldn’t stop looking at him in that searching way, so he shrugged and continued. “I just had an unsettling conversation with my father. Him getting older, you know?”
“I do,” she said. “The other day, I was on the phone with my mom, and in the middle of a conversation about the weather, she just started talking about her will.”
“Of course,” Rob said, unable to stop a hint of a smile. “Wills and weather, closely related topics.”
“Maybe if you live in a flood zone and are trying to figure out the value of your house?” Natalie laughed. “But I am sorry about your dad. I remember meeting him at the wedding. He was…a presence. Are you two very close?”
Rob’s smile disappeared. “I don’t know how to answer that.” He didn’t like the way she kept watching him, forehead furrowed, like she wanted to ask him to talk more about it, to excavate his feelings, or like maybe she’d offer him a hug. Gritting his teeth, he said, “I’m sorry about insulting Tyler’s memoir.”
She blinked, her expression clouding. “You don’t have to…I appreciate the apology, but I was just doing a job.”
“The connection could help you, don’t you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you take your next novel out. It won’t hurt that you had a hand in a bestseller.” She was silent. So after a moment, he went on. “You are working on another novel?”
“You don’t have to pretend that you care. Unless you’re worried that I’ll eviscerate you in it?”
“No,” he said. It had grown dark, the temperature dipping as the sun disappeared. “I just think it would be a shame if you stopped trying.”
She looked at him sharply. They stared at each other for a moment, both shivering. Then she blinked and looked away. “I have a lot going on right now. Though not as much as you, I hear.”
“What?”
“Aren’t congratulations in order? Zuri said not to tell anyone, but I assume you already know.”
The warmth he’d felt earlier in the day began to return, a smile cracking through his sadness. Maybe Rob couldn’t talk about this with Angus or his parents just yet. But somehow he trusted Natalie to keep this secret. “She told you? Why? No offense.”
“She was excited, and I accidentally guessed. It was sweet.” Rob liked imagining calm, level Zuri so thrilled that she was confiding in a near stranger. “She seems like a lovely woman.”
“She is. I can’t believe I get to spend my life with her.”
Natalie looked out into the garden, something like wistfulness on her face.
“And you and Jeff,” he said. “Congratulations to you too.” She whipped her head back toward him. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. But I overheard him talking about an apartment. You’re moving in together?”
“Oh. Yes. We are. I guess I should officially tell him that.”
“Big step.”
They stood there, hugging their jackets closer to themselves in the dark as laughter floated out from the house. “So…” Natalie said, elbowing him. Her teeth were chattering. What were they still doing in the yard? They should go back inside, rejoin the warmth of the party. “How did you know that Zuri was the one?” She asked it in an almost jokey tone, like a kid in the schoolyard grilling him about a crush.
But Rob stamped his feet and considered. “Well, beyond loving her and thinking she is smart and beautiful, I trust her. And I don’t mean simply trusting her not to lie to me, though that’s part of it. I trust her judgment.”
The light from the back window illuminated Natalie’s face, her jaw set in concentration. “Seems like a good reason. Jeff has good judgment too.”
“Good.” Rob swallowed. Still, he hadn’t captured the enormity of it, the relief and steadiness he felt. “But it’s also…being with her is easy. When I think about our life together, it makes me calm.”
Natalie closed her eyes and took in a slow, deep breath. Her voice, when she spoke, was so soft Rob could hardly hear it. “When I think about moving in with Jeff, it makes me anxious.” A low wind caught her hair, lifting the wavy strands of it, but she stayed very still, speaking into the darkness almost as if Rob might disappear if she looked at him directly, and she badly didn’t want him to go. “I can’t tell if I’m scared because it’s a big change or because it’s not right. But that’s natural, isn’t it? I mean, you’ve felt that with Zuri at some point or other, haven’t you?”
He looked down, not saying anything.
She took a step back and tossed her head. “Well, maybe you’re a weirdo who got really lucky.”
“Maybe.”
They lapsed into silence. Still, Rob stayed, and eventually, she began to talk again. “I just want to be settled. To have something to show for myself. To go to a party like this one and, when someone asks what’s new, be able to say, ‘Oh, Jeff and I moved in together and now we’re on the hunt for’—I don’t know—‘the perfect coffee table.’?”
“You’re considering moving in with him so you can have something to talk about at parties?” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’s the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard.”
“Okay, screw you,” she said. “I love him! It’s not just about party conversation. It’s also about growing up, being practical, realizing it’s time to stop following my heart and start listening to my head.”
“Please stop. You’re depressing me.”
“Oh my God, you know what I mean.” He gave a small nod, and she sighed. “I just…I think I’m broken.”
“Or maybe you’re trying to want something you don’t because you think you should.”
She looked at him directly then. He stayed right where he was. He did not think he was saying this just because Jeff irked him. Perhaps three years ago he would’ve enjoyed having the upper hand here. He’d lost their wedding toast battle, but she was lost in a larger way. He didn’t enjoy it now, though. Instead, he felt a strange sense of melancholy. Finding the person you were going to spend your life with came down to many factors. Readiness, yes: Rob had wanted a partner when he met Zuri. Good decision-making too: again, thank God he hadn’t slept with Natalie when she’d turned to him at the lake, open and wanting and full of need. But also, so much depended on sheer luck. If Rob hadn’t gone to that lecture, or if the person walking in before him had sat in the open seat next to the beautiful woman, who knew what his life would look like today?
“But Jeff is wonderful,” Natalie said. “I don’t have a good reason not to…It has to be a problem with me.”
Where had all the fire and surety she’d shown at the wedding gone? For a moment, he wanted to put his arms around her. He kept them glued to his sides.
“What if I never want to move in with anyone?” Natalie asked.
“Well”—he swallowed—“how did you feel about living with Gabby? About getting to see her every day?”
“I felt like I could have done it forever,” she whispered.
“Then you’re not broken. You can feel that way with someone else. And if that person never comes along, you’ll live by yourself and be the love of your own life.” He dug his hands deeper into his pockets. “Not everyone is lucky enough to love someone as infuriating and interesting and alive as Natalie Shapiro.”
They held each other’s gazes for a moment. She wiped a tear that had begun to bead in one of her eyes.
“Dammit, Rob. Why did you have to…” she began. “I don’t know if I want to thank you or punch you.” She turned away into the garden, unable to look at him any longer, her voice formal. “You should go inside. Your gorgeous fiancée is probably wondering where you are.”