Chapter Forty
CHAPTER FORTY
SOLSTICE
All the clichés are true. When the time comes, you grow numb. You feel disoriented. Blood rushes at your temples. Your heartbeat is all you can hear. There is a tingle in your fingertips, a strange rumbling in your belly. You break into a cold sweat. Tears sting your eyes. Your whole body shivers. You don’t respond to your own name, and someone has to touch your elbow and guide you onto the stage. He whispers, ‘You’ll be all right.’ You’re not sure. The stage is larger than any you’ve been on, and you feel as small and powerless as a doll.
The sea of people rises and roars. A tsunami of cheers rolls forward, but you’re no fool. You know how easily those same people can turn against you. The cheers can turn to sneers at any moment. They love you. They hate you. In truth, they couldn’t care less about you, your wellbeing, your ambitions, your silly hopes, and dreams. If you can’t deliver, give them their money’s worth, you are worthless to them.
What are you doing up here, anyway? If you turn and run, who could blame you? Who would question it? They’d discuss it on Reddit, or wherever, and conclude you simply weren’t ready. You were not up to par. They’d call you an amateur, and for once they’d be right. You don’t belong on this huge stage, have no business facing this sea of people. You scan the crowd now, mulling this over. Turn and run? Yes. Just as soon as you can breathe again.
That’s when you spot her, as close to the stage as she can possibly get. She’s on the shoulders of some guy you’ve never seen before, waving a flag. In a crowd of faces, you would always spot hers. You manage to smile, wave, blow her a kiss, acknowledge her in some way. The last thing she said to you was to focus. Put your head down and focus. Tune out the world and focus. Breathe and focus. You’d stupidly tried to ignore her advice, had refused to admit that you were … scared. But she’s the wisest person you’ve ever met. Her words come rushing back now. She promised that if you followed those easy steps, it would all flow.
Over the stage, a neon sign flickers on and flashes your name. The sea rages now and she is taken under. You don’t know where she’s gone, but you know she’s there. And knowing it, feeling it, gives you everything you need. The numbness, the tingling, the rumble in your belly, all subside. You remember why you’re here. It’s not to prove your worth, and not to stick it to the haters. You’re here to play. Music is your joy. Sharing that joy is the one thing you do well. It’s a singular talent; you were born with it. You play. It’s what you do. It’s who you are.
They hand you the mic. You skip your carefully crafted preamble and just speak your mind.
‘Everybody, listen! It’s the longest, hottest, most gruelling day on record, but it will not bring us down! My name is Quinn. I’m your DJ, just one of many tonight, but you will remember me. Now before we get started, if you love me, show me the love, and say my name!’
Quinn didn’t remember anything after that. Never had a set gone by so fast. Never had she felt such a connection with a crowd and so much love in return. The feeling would stay with her forever, but everything else would fade. She had no complaints. That was exactly how it should be.
Quinn was guided off stage, just as she’d been guided on, and led to the white tent reserved for the DJs and MCs. It was crowded with the ones who’d gone before her and those still waiting their turn. They all cheered her arrival, surrounded her, congratulated her, promised to reach out to her in the coming weeks ‘for collabs and stuff’. The validation of her peers was priceless. However, nothing was better than celebrating with her friends and the woman her heart belonged to. They’d agreed to meet at the parking garage after the concert. What would she do until then? Hang out here, talking about future collaborations? There would be time for that down the line. But finding her friends wasn’t as easy as that; they might as well be in a foreign country with so many gates and guards between them. It was worth a try.
Quinn sent Kya a text. I’m done here. Where are you?
A moment later, a text bubble popped up and disappeared. She was trying to puzzle it out. However, trapped in a pit of people, there wasn’t much she could do. Quinn approached one of the security guards outside the tent and asked if she could smuggle in her friends. The answer was no. ‘If we say yes to you, we’ll have to say yes to everyone.’
That made sense.
‘How can I get to the other side?’ she asked.
‘Why would you want to? It’s a madhouse out there.’
‘That’s where my people are,’ she replied.
He nodded. ‘There’s a gate for the crew, just to the side of the stage. I’ll take you there. Have your people meet you.’
Quinn quickly texted all this information to Kya then set off on the perilous journey of crossing the border.
‘Are you sure about this?’ the guard asked, when they reached the fence. ‘Once you’re out, it’s over for you. I can’t let you back in. No one can.’
‘I’m sure,’ she answered, even though she hadn’t heard from Kya or anyone.
He unlocked the gate. ‘Tight set, by the way,’ he said, and stepped aside to let her through.
‘Thanks.’ Quinn slipped out to a sort of deserted holding pen. It was dark, and no one was waiting there. She checked her phone. The battery life was down to ten per cent, and still no word from Kya. As romantic as this had seemed a minute ago, she wondered if she had made a stupid mistake.
At last, she heard them even before she saw them charging at her. Ivy, Amanda, two guys she didn’t know, and beautiful Kya. They were laughing, screaming, running wildly, flags flapping overhead.
‘There she is!’ one guy cried.
‘There you are!’ the other echoed.
‘You killed it! You killed it! You killed it!’ Ivy screamed.
Amanda looked as though she were crying. ‘You were amazing!’
And Kya said nothing at all. She crashed into Quinn, threw her arms around her, and together they tumbled onto the grass, laughing, screaming, crying, hearts pounding, their joy lighting up the night.