Chapter 11 #2
It wasn’t the hard stuff that made Kiki want to cry, but the kindness that had her blinking back the tears now. ‘Thank you.’
She stepped back into the shop and saw that Ava was already in the changing room.
She took a breath. Then another. Determined that when Ava came out of that room, she’d see a mum who was happy for her.
Excited to be sharing this with her. Not a mum who was questioning why this all had to be so fucking hard.
Why she was so alone in this. Why she couldn’t ever remember it being any other way.
Ava had only been a couple of days old when Kev had moved up north, swept away by parents who wanted him to have a ‘fresh start’, as they’d told her when they’d turned up at her door.
‘We don’t want his whole life ruined by this.
We won’t shirk his financial responsibilities, but he shouldn’t pay his whole life for one mistake. ’
One mistake. That’s what Ava was to them. Not a granddaughter to be proud of. A new member of the family to love.
They’d been true to their word on the finances, but what they didn’t say was that they would use the fact that Kev went on to be a student at university to convince the Child Support Agency that he should only pay the very minimum in child support.
It was a pattern that he had followed to this day.
The very least he could get away with. The minimum.
She’d had to settle for it back then and somehow it had become the story of her life.
‘The very least’ was what she’d received not only from Kev and his parents, but from her own mother too.
And now she saw that’s what she’d got from the guy who had sat next to her at that table in chemistry.
She couldn’t remember exactly when they’d started sleeping together, when they’d gone from friends to lovers.
It was after they’d left South Side High School the following summer, and he’d gone to study drama at college full-time, while she went to a different college to train in childcare.
It had been a well-thought-out decision.
The college had a creche for Ava, and working in education would allow her to have the same holidays as her child as she grew, so that way Kiki wouldn’t have to rely on anyone.
And it was just as well, because it was only a couple of years later that he’d come to her flat to tell her he’d been offered a part in a show in London.
He loved her, he’d promised, and one day it would be different.
When he’d established his career, he’d come back and they could be together. All three of them.
‘Never going to happen,’ her mother would drawl when Kiki would tell her that. ‘You’re living in a fantasy world. None of this is real.’
Kiki had known her mum was wrong, so she’d waited, because she’d believed him.
What were her options? Admit she was truly alone?
She loved him, and she was an exhausted, skint mum who worked full-time and had lost the few friends she’d had at school, so she had no one to turn to for childcare or to go out with for a glass of wine.
But she still had his calls and the faith that they’d be together.
Over the next fifteen years, every time he came back to Glasgow, when they’d sleep together and he’d make the same promises, she’d believed him then too.
Just like Ava believed that her deadbeat dad was buying her the frock that she was wearing right now as she came out of the changing rooms and gave her a twirl.
Kiki knew that she’d had her eye on the pale blue dress for weeks.
It had a sweetheart neckline, sleeves that came down to the elbow, and a skater-style skirt that fell in two layers to just above Ava’s knees.
She’d paired it with some gleaming white trainers that Kiki knew were bang on trend for the young ones this year.
The whole ensemble was perfect. Cool. Trendy. And her daughter looked gorgeous in it.
‘What do you think, Mum?’
What did she think? She thought that even with the staff discount, the dress with the trainers was a hundred pounds. That was all of today’s wages plus her Saturday shift this weekend, and some of the following Saturday too.
But then, hopefully, after tonight, she wouldn’t have to worry about second jobs and bills.
She’d never thought she was the type of person who could give someone an ultimatum: either be with me or there will be a financial price to pay to keep our secrets.
But now he had abandoned her. According to social media, there were rumours that he had a girlfriend.
And it was clear that there was an overlap between that relationship and the one he’d had with Kiki.
He had fame. Money. An image to protect.
That meant he had something to lose – just like she’d lost fifteen years waiting for him.
So yes, this was where she was now. If he didn’t want her then it was time for him to pay up to protect his new life. Just like she was protecting Ava.
‘I think you should get a bag to match, sweetheart.’