Chapter 4
FOUR
“For what it’s worth, I think you should take him up on the offer,” Claire told her that night when she stopped by with take-out. It was one of their old traditions that they’d kept all these years, and Hailey hoped it wouldn’t stop when Claire officially tied the knot. Family had always been important to her, and Claire was more like a sister than a cousin.
This meant, of course, that Claire knew all the details of the “big breakup” without needing any backstory. And she also knew just how difficult it was for Hailey to see Pete again now, after all these years.
Of course, that hadn’t stopped her from screaming when she heard that he had resurfaced.
Hailey sunk her chopsticks into the carton and shook her head. “I can’t go into business with Pete!”
“Is that what you’re calling it?” Claire tipped her head until her blond hair fell over her shoulder. “I was thinking it was more of a personal excuse to spend more time together.”
“For me or for him?” Hailey stared at her in horror.
“You? Him? Both?” Claire shrugged and went back to her food. “He suggested it. Maybe he wants to spend more time with you.”
“I don’t see why,” Hailey said with a huff, even as her pulse quickened. She said firmly to herself more than to Claire, “He had years to make an effort to be a part of my life.”
Claire had been the one Hailey had run to after the holiday-timed breakup. She’d been the one who spent that Christmas with her in Missouri, attempting to lift Hailey’s spirits with old movies and sprinkle cookies and copious amounts of spiked eggnog. She’d insisted on creating new memories, not the ones associated with a broken heart. Even though Hailey hadn’t talked about Pete in years, her cousin was smart enough to understand the underlying sentiments.
“Sometimes it just comes down to timing,” Claire said.
“Easy for you to say.” Hailey eyed her. “You fell in love with your best friend.” Ethan had been Claire’s pal for years before they’d taken the next step, and Hailey couldn’t be happier for her cousin.
“Maybe I was in love with him all along,” Claire said wistfully. “Maybe I just needed time to figure it out. Maybe we both did.”
That was for sure. Ethan had been a serial casual dater for all the years that Claire remained his friend, refusing to open his heart to any woman—probably because he’d already given it to Claire and just didn’t know it.
“I sense some words of wisdom coming on.” Hailey set her food carton on the coffee table and leaned back against the couch cushions. “Out with it.”
“I’m just saying that maybe Pete missed you. Maybe he didn’t even know he did until he saw you again.”
“That’s an awful lot of maybes,” Hailey said, but she couldn’t deny there might be some truth to what Claire was saying.
And that a part of her hoped there was.
She quickly stopped herself and reached for her wineglass, taking a long sip.
“It doesn’t matter how anyone feels,” she said. “I live here, and Pete lives on his farm in Wisconsin. Nothing has changed in all these years. We both made our choices and stuck with them. Pete gave up med school. And me.”
“That wasn’t an easy choice for him,” Claire reminded her.
Hailey conceded, remembering the anguish in Pete’s eyes when he told her that he’d be finishing the term remotely, that he only had a few credits left and there was no reason to delay getting back to Wisconsin. That the business needed help, and as the only child, he was the only one who could step in and be of assistance.
She’d thought that was a lame excuse then. But family mattered to him, as he’d been quick to point out.
It mattered to both of them .
“And are you happy with your choice?” Claire asked carefully.
It hadn’t felt like a choice at the time, not when she couldn’t imagine letting her grandmother down by using her small inheritance for anything other than what she’d planned.
Hailey stared at her cousin in disbelief. “You know I am! Moving to Chicago and opening my own café is all I ever wanted.”
Other than a life with Pete.
And sure, it was originally going to be a bakery, but that hadn’t made sense at the time, and coffee and drinks brought in more people.
For a little while, at least.
“It was all that you and your grandmother wanted,” Claire corrected her.
The radiator began to clank loudly—a sign that the frigid room would quickly, and finally, warm up.
Claire glanced over her shoulder and shivered under the chenille throw blanket she’d tossed over her shoulders within minutes of stepping inside. “It’s about time,” she observed.
“You mean you don’t miss living here?” Hailey bantered. Her cousin had crashed at her place for the many months between having her heart broken by her ex and realizing that she and Ethan were meant to be.
Meant to be. Hailey’s chest tightened on the thought. Once, she’d thought that she and Pete were meant to be .
“About as much as you miss having me,” Claire replied ruefully.
Hailey smiled. It was true that sometimes she missed having Claire around, but the months she’d lived with her from late last winter into midsummer had been challenging from a storage standpoint, and she was quite happy to have her closet space back to herself. Almost as happy as Claire was to be nesting with her former best friend turned boyfriend, no doubt.
Claire sighed and refilled her wineglass before topping off Hailey’s. “Look, I know what your grandmother meant to you. I know how hard it was for you to lose her, too.”
A knot formed in Hailey’s throat, even now, more than a dozen years since losing the second most important woman in her life. Love stayed with you. Even when you didn’t want it to, she thought, as her mind trailed back to Pete.
“You know how she always wanted to open a little bakery, right here in Chicago, where she was from.” Hailey smiled thinking of the stories her grandmother would tell her while they baked, how each recipe she made seemed to come with a story. How her lemon meringue pie won the blue ribbon at her church fundraiser. How her chocolate cake earned the attention of a handsome young attorney from St. Louis. “She didn’t get to live her dream.”
“And you shouldn’t have to live it for her,” Claire said firmly.
“It was my dream too,” Hailey reminded her. “For as long as I can remember. My grandmother shared that with me, just like her recipes.”
Claire sighed. “I know I’m not related to that side of your family, but I had the pleasure of knowing her, and she was a wonderful woman who loved you very much. All she’d want is for you to be happy, café or no café.”
No café. The next sip of wine didn’t go down so easily.
Hailey cleared her throat, not wanting to even think about that possibility right now. She’d rather talk about anything else than losing her business. Even Pete.
“Maybe I can have Mandy drop off the hot chocolate every morning,” she said slowly. She picked up her take-out carton and took another bite, stopping when she felt Claire’s eyes on hers. “What?”
“Nothing,” Claire said primly over the rim of her wineglass. “You can definitely do that.”
Yes, she most definitely could, and maybe she would. Then she could reap the benefits of a bulk order and spare herself from having to face Pete every day until Christmas.
“But if Pete’s just looking for an excuse to see you and Mandy shows up instead, he might just cancel the whole offer,” Claire pointed out.
“True.” And Hailey couldn’t lose out on the opportunity, not when she needed the money to keep her doors open.
She hesitated, knowing that she could tell Claire anything, but she couldn’t bring herself to mention how worried she was about the fate of her business. Sharing that fear would be giving it a voice, making it alive.
It was so much easier to pretend, for even one night, that nothing was wrong. That her dream was alive and kicking.
That she wasn’t letting her grandmother down.
That she wasn’t about to end up with nothing.
“It could bring in more business, too,” Hailey ventured, if only to tell herself that it would be okay to accept Pete’s proposition.
“More business never hurts,” Claire agreed, fighting off a knowing smile.
No, it certainly didn’t.
“It’s just the thought of seeing him every day.” Hailey shook her head, thinking of how that would work. What they would say.
How she would feel.
“If it’s not working out, you can call it quits,” Claire suggested. “But Pete’s back in your life. For the next two weeks. He surprised you with this offer…”
“And?” Hailey raised an eyebrow.
Claire shrugged. “And maybe, he’ll surprise you again.”
At four o’clock the next morning, Hailey woke up to the sound of a snowplow pushing past her bedroom window. She opened one eye and then the other and realized she only had a matter of minutes before her alarm clock was set to go off anyway. Silencing the device before it could start, she pushed back the covers, grabbed her robe, and padded into her small kitchen, where a cup of coffee was already brewing, thanks to the machine’s automatic timer.
She added cream and sugar and sipped it slowly, standing in the kitchen that lent a view into the small living area space and the large bay window that stood bare, just as it had since that first Christmas here in the city without Pete, when every carol and tree ornament seemed to be a reminder of what she had lost until Claire had cajoled her into getting into the spirit by making light of it and dragging her to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
But there were no parties this year, including her own. Her friends had all partnered off, making plans with other couples, or filling their weekends with family or work functions, a few who couldn’t make it to her party offering the half-hearted promise of a post-New Year’s get-together.
Hailey doubted she’d have much to toast to on New Year’s, though. By then, her business could be on the verge of closure. Mandy might be out of a job.
And Pete would be long gone.
And even though he hadn’t been in her life for a very long time, somehow, the thought of losing him all over again felt just as difficult as the first time.
Hailey refilled her mug, even though she knew she would have another cup of coffee once she got to the Beanery. She was stalling, she realized, dreading another day with only a trickle of customers. Or maybe dreading the thought of spending more time with the man across the street.
When there was no time left to spend poking around her small apartment, she showered and dressed, and began the long, cold walk to the café. She used to love these walks, feeling it was a true perk to her day to be able to take in the city sights, the urban charm like corner groceries and wrought iron balconies decked with flower boxes three seasons of the year. But this morning tears stung her eyes as she followed her regular route, wondering just how much longer she’d be taking it.
She’d tried everything these past few months to revive the business. In the fall, she’d made apple and pumpkin-flavored treats and drinks and hung big signs on the windows to advertise them. She’d lowered prices. Then raised them again. So far, nothing had worked.
She thought of Pete’s offer as she stood at an intersection, waiting for a walk sign to appear. She was barely selling anything at the café most days. Making some sales at the tree lot might be a way to jumpstart her cash flow and drive new customers to the storefront.
And drive myself crazy in the process , she thought, muttering to herself until a woman crossing the street gave her a sharp look.
Hailey laughed under her breath. See, this was what Pete could never understand about her love for city life. In her quaint suburban hometown, everyone knew her; in their Ohio college town, the same. And in Timber Valley, Wisconsin, well, there would be no walking anywhere without bumping into someone you knew. But here in Chicago, she could be free. She could do as she pleased, go where she wanted, and she was forever inspired.
Some days, like that very first day that she opened her café to customers, she could feel her grandmother smiling down on her, and she knew that she had made the right choice.
Because that’s what Pete had left her with, wasn’t it? An impossible choice. And she’d resented him for that. For putting his family ahead of hers. For asking her to give up something important to her when he wasn’t doing the same.
She frowned as she turned onto Armitage Avenue and walked under the ‘L’ tracks. A train clamored overhead, pulling to a stop that made its brakes grind against the metal rails.
Skirting her gaze to the tree lot across the next intersection, Hailey cut quickly down the alley and walked around the back of the building to her kitchen door, even though her heart was still pounding from the proximity of her ex. It was ridiculous, she knew. They’d broken up eight years ago. Ancient history, really. Or it should be. And it would. Once he was gone again.
It was Mandy’s day off, and Hailey was happy about it, and not only because it saved her some outflow. She needed to think and problem-solve, not pretend like everything was fine when it wasn’t.
Baking always calmed her, and as she tied an apron around her waist and pulled her ingredients from the shelf, she felt her shoulders relax. She worked for an hour on her regular offerings (muffins, scones, and a quiche of the day) before pushing through the kitchen door to turn the sign, a tray of crumb cake in her hand.
She was just turning the locks on the door when she saw him. Standing at the corner, Pete hovered at the intersection, waiting as a city bus rolled by before stepping off the curb and—
God help her.
Hailey stiffened in panic as Pete’s image grew closer in the window. She watched in horror as he crossed the street, hoping and praying that he would walk past, or even go into the blasted coffee shop across the street.
She hurried to the counter where she set the tray down and grabbed a spoon, flipping it over in a vain attempt to check her reflection. It was wonky and wiggly like a carnival mirror, and she dropped it quickly as the butterflies danced through her stomach. She smoothed her hair, knowing it was too late to bother checking her lipstick and wishing she didn’t care to.
The bell over the door jingled and she grabbed a spatula in an attempt to look busy, sensing a guilty flush heat her cheeks. Pete held up a metal thermos with a grin and waved it at her.
“Ran out of coffee,” he explained.
“Oh.” She couldn’t keep the disappointment from creeping into her tone. What had she been hoping? That he was stopping in to talk, to see her…to rekindle something? That he had slept as terribly as she had last night an d couldn’t wait to see her first thing this morning to set things right between them?
Maybe she’d been hoping for just that, she realized.
“Let me get a fresh pot going,” she said. “It will just be a minute.”
She took the thermos from his hands, careful not to make body contact, even though it was tempting. It was very, very tempting.
He still wore his hair a little long, so a few strands hung casually over his forehead, pulling her attention to his deep-set dark eyes, which showed no signs of dropping their hold on hers.
She scooped fresh coffee grounds into a filter with shaking hands, happy to be focused on something other than him.
“Of course, what I’d really like is another cup of that hot chocolate,” he said from behind her.
So they were back on that topic. She finished prepping the machine and turned to him, once again hit by a force in her chest at how handsome he still was.
“I hope you enjoyed it,” she said, noticing the fine lines that had only made him better looking with time.
“Almost as good as the first time,” he said, as a sad look shadowed his face.
Hailey wanted to look away, but she couldn’t do that anymore than she could dismiss the memory of the first time they’d met. It was freshman year of college, and her dorm was having a bake sale to raise money for the new library. It was November, but an unseasonably cold one, and their small college town had already seen the first snow. Hailey hadn’t minded. She’d put on her softest sweater and stirred up one of her favorite recipes—hot chocolate—just the way her grandmother had taught her back when she was too small to even reach the counter and had to stand on a chair, careful not to slip.
Sales were slow, and the girls had been just about ready to pack up for the day, when Pete had approached the stand, his backpack swung over one shoulder, his nut-brown hair tousled and a little wet from melted snow. She remembered how her entire body had gone on high alert, how the air felt crisper, the sounds and smells sharper, but at the same time, everything had seemed to fade away, leaving only this new face, and that smile. Her stomach still fluttered when she thought of that smile. He’d bought a hot chocolate, and her hands had started to shake as she’d poured it while she tried to think of something clever to say and failed miserably.
In the end, it had been Pete who asked for her name, after lingering to sip the entire drink, instead of walking off with it the way everyone else had.
“Hailey,” she’d said, feeling that delicious sense of possibility.
“Sweet Hailey,” he’d said with a slow smile.
Her lashes fluttered at the memory now, and she pushed it back, locked it into place, a special moment, and one that only one other person shared.
She looked at him again, at the sense of loss that passed through his face, and straightened her shoulders. Right. No use languishing in the past.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about your idea.” As soon as the words were out, she immediately regretted them. What was she doing, considering selling her hot chocolate at that tree lot?
Saving her café, that’s what.
It was just business, she told herself. That’s all it could ever be.
“Reconsidering, are you?” His eyes glimmered, and damn him, but her stomach sort of rolled over.
Couldn’t he have gotten a little heavy in the waistline in the eight years since they’d broken up? Gone a little gray or bald? Instead, he had to look better than ever. His jaw was a little more chiseled, and his chest was broader and…manly.
He wasn’t that college kid that she’d fallen head over heels for anymore.
And if she could think of it that way, she might just have a chance of surviving until Christmas.
And her café might just have a chance of surviving for good.
“I, um…” She knew this was the moment that she could accept his offer or leave it. And she should leave it, really she should. Except she was running out of options. And every little bit helped. She pulled in a breath. What choice did she have? “I’d be happy to offer my hot chocolate at your tree lot.” There, it was out. That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Except… Those brown eyes were positively twinkling now, and that grin…oh, that grin. She never could resist the curl of those lips .
“Excellent,” he said, rubbing his hands together to show his enthusiasm. “Should we start today?”
She hadn’t expected that, but she didn’t see why not. It was still early, and seeing as she had little in the storefront to keep her busy, she saw no excuse. “I need a little time to get set up for the day, but…sure.”
The coffee had finished brewing and she filled his thermos, then screwed the lid on tight. She held up a hand when Pete pulled out his wallet, but he thrust a five in the tip jar anyway.
“I’ll get something set up,” Pete said, taking the thermos and backing up to the door. “So, see you in an hour or so?”
“Sure,” Hailey confirmed and then wondered why the prospect of that left her almost breathless with nerves….and excitement.