Chapter 9 #3
Nerves make my hand shake and I withdraw from her, smoothing my trembling fingers over her hair, across her cheek.
We stare at each other. I see how her bra straps are loose around her shoulders and I slip my fingers beneath those lacy straps and slowly pull them down, revealing her to me for the first time.
My breath catches in my throat and all I can do is stare. She’s beautiful, with the prettiest pale pink nipples I’ve ever seen, and I touch her there, circle first one nipple with my thumb, then the other.
She closes her eyes on a hiss, her hands braced against the wall, her chest thrust forward. I lean over her and rain kisses across her collarbone, her chest, the tops of her breasts, the valley in between. I’m teasing her, teasing myself, and damn, I already feel like I’m going to explode.
When I finally take a hard nipple between my lips, she thrusts her hands into my hair, her entire body tense as I wind my tongue around and around her flesh. She’s panting, I’m panting, and I wish I hadn’t started this here. I should’ve waited until I at least got her into a bed.
“Andrew,” she whispers, the sound of my full name stopping me cold, and I go completely still as memories wash over me.
Just let me touch you, Andrew, I know you’ll like it. It’ll be so perfect between us. Please, Andrew. I know how to make you feel good…
I wrench myself out of Fable’s hold and back away from her, my breath coming in ragged spurts, my brain spinning with old memories mixed with new, fresh ones.
“Drew, what’s wrong? What happened?”
I focus my gaze on Fable, watch as she pushes away from the wall and comes toward me, her breasts bouncing with her every step, her expression filled with concern. I’m ruining it. I’m letting my past shade my present—hell, my entire future—and I’m filled with inexplicable rage.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, not like this, not today, and I shake my head, unable to speak, my tongue feels so thick.
She reaches for me, her hand touches mine, and I yank away from her as if she’d burned me. “Drew.” Her voice grows stern, reminding me again of my past, and I shake my head again, trying to shake out the shitty thoughts, but it’s not working.
“Don’t shut down on me, Drew. Don’t run away. Tell me what’s wrong.” She’s pleading with me, I swear I see tears streaming down her cheeks, but I can’t tell her what’s wrong.
If she thinks things are bad now, wait until she learns the truth.
“I—I can’t do this.” Without waiting for an answer, I turn away from her and escape to my room, slamming the door behind me before I turn the lock.
I want her with me yet I want her far, far away.
I am a total contradiction and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.
Maybe I really would be better off alone.
I can’t keep living my life like this, letting that—woman control me like she has, but I can’t stop my reactions. I need help. I’m a fucking wreck and I need someone to save me before I become completely unsavable.
Fear ripples down my spine as I take off all my clothes, leaving them in a wet heap on the floor.
I ignore my raging erection. I’m so hard my dick fucking hurts but I refuse to touch myself, no matter how much relief I’ll feel when I’m done.
I should be with Fable right now, not alone with my fucked-up memories.
She’s banging on the door, asking me to let her in.
I turn and stare at the closed door, my heart pounding so hard the sound fills my head and I can’t really hear anything else.
I’m breathing like I just ran hundreds of miles nonstop and my skin feels so tight, I think I might pop. I’m hot. Feverish.
My head spins.
Fuck.
Fable
I stand on my tiptoes and reach the top of the door frame, finding one of those skeleton keys that’ll open any lock. Grabbing it, I jam the thin piece of metal into the lock and turn, thankful when it clicks over with ease.
Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Invade Drew’s privacy when he’s clearly shutting me out.
But the way he reacted scared me so bad, and filled me with worry, too, I knew I had to go after him and make sure everything’s okay.
His expression had been so full of despair when he pulled away from me, I’m not sure what set him off.
I’m scared to discover what’s wrong but I have to do this. For Drew.
When I open the door, I see he’s standing in the middle of the room completely naked and for a moment, I’m stunned.
His body is beautiful, a masculine work of art.
Broad shoulders, smooth back with fluid muscles, and a butt that looks as firm as steel.
My whole body aches to feel him moving against me, with me, but I know that’s not what he needs right now.
“Drew,” I whisper, my voice breaking almost as much as my heart.
He whirls around, pain and humiliation written all over his face. “You should go.”
“Let me help you.” I start to approach him but he shakes his head.
“Go, Fable. I don’t want you to see me like this.” He hangs his head and my gaze drops to his lower body. He’s erect, hugely erect, and I don’t know what happened to ruin what was going to be an undoubtedly beautiful moment between us, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
“You can’t push me away.” I know that’s what he’s doing. What he’s used to. I refuse to let him do it to me, too. I’m going to stand my ground and really help him.
I want to stick.
“You don’t want me,” he whispers, his voice harsh. “Not like this. I can’t…you don’t want to deal with me when I’m like this.”
“Please, Drew.” I’m begging and I don’t care.
I never do this. I don’t grovel; I try my best to keep it together.
But seeing him like this, he scares the hell out of me.
I don’t want to leave him alone and I don’t want him to push me away.
I feel like at this very moment, I’m all he has. “Tell me what I can do.”
“You can leave.” He turns away from me and I sprint toward him, grabbing his forearm and preventing him from going any farther.
“No.” Our gazes clash and I stand my ground, even though I know I must look ridiculous, half-dressed and drenched from the rain. “I’m not leaving.”
His eyes drop to my still-bare chest and linger there.
My nipples tighten from his blatant examination and I sway toward him as if I can’t help myself.
My body betrays me even though I try my best to pretend he doesn’t affect me.
What’s happening between us isn’t about sex right now. Drew needs my comfort. My acceptance.
“You’re shivering,” he murmurs, reaching out to grab a wet strand of hair. He rubs it between his fingers, his gaze still locked on my chest. “You need to change out of those wet clothes.”
It’s like he’s slowly coming back to me, coming back from that dark, desolate spot where he retreated. His expression is lighter, his eyes aren’t so wide and full of terror. His voice has returned to normal and he’s not shaking so badly.
I’m not sure what he wants from me but whatever it is, I’m willing to give it.
Completely.