23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
C assie
I wandered around Marcus’ library. The wooden shelves were overflowing with books laying sideways on top of books, as well as a few piles on low tables that edged the shelves. Compared to his bedroom not as tidy. Marcus was a complicated man, as if I didn’t already know that.
I had no clue about his cooking abilities until this weekend, and now his library.
It was all so confusing, but a part of learning about him.
I took in the sitting area in the middle of the room held a sofa and two overstuffed chairs.
There were two side tables with lamps on them, perfect for curling up with a good book. A very impressive library.
My fingers trailed along the spines as I looked at the titles. There were great literary works, mysteries, thrillers, history, and even some romances.
But what drew my attention the most was the bookcases filled with erotic books.
Erotic romances, how-to-books, erotica, and even what looked like some porn. One of the titles caught my eye: The Submissive Has All The Control.
My heart pounded as I plucked it off the shelf.
Marcus wanted a submissive. That was pretty easy to tell. I’d had no time to think anything through, but one thing I knew for certain—I cared about Marcus.
Maybe even more than cared.
Could I cede power to him? Submit?
I shook my head. Memories and fears reared up inside me.
I started to put the book back, then froze. If I couldn’t sort this out, there was no chance for Marcus and me, and I wanted that chance. I really did.
Taking a deep breath, I took the book to the sofa, curled up, opened it with trembling hands, and started to read.
“Hey.”
My head snapped up. How long had I been reading? My cheeks warmed seeing Marcus lounging in the doorway. Had he noticed what I was reading? I tucked the book face down next to my leg.
His eyes gleamed. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I only wanted to let you know I’m going upstairs to get the bedroom ready.”
“Ready for what?” My stomach clenched, and I forced myself to take a deep breath and let it out. He’d only shown me pleasure so far.
But had he seen the title of the book I was reading?
I studied his face. It revealed nothing. Maybe he hadn’t been there long enough to read the title.
“My surprise,” he said. “Don’t come up until I call for you.” He sauntered off, and I stared at the empty doorway for a minute or two before I picked the book back up.
After reading the first few chapters, I could see differences between Marcus and my father. I still didn’t understand my mother’s acceptance, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
Marcus was a Dominant—there was no doubt in my mind about it.
But in a totally different way than my father.
Marcus didn’t hit me or verbally abuse me in any way.
That difference made me feel better. When I’d taken control in the kitchen, he’d taken it right back, and the world hadn’t fallen apart.
In fact, I’d enjoyed that little soiree. A lot.
A tingle of excitement crawled through my veins.
I couldn’t ask for a better lover than Marcus.
Not only did he make sure I was well satisfied, he took care of me like no other man ever had.
There was something tender in the way he touched me, in his gaze, in his kisses.
Oh, he could be a little rough with sex, but I didn’t mind.
And the pleasure. He enjoyed making me climax even while denying himself. One of the lines from the book stood out in my mind.
An excellent Dom will make sure his submissive is happy.
Marcus made me happy. I wasn’t convinced yet that I was any sort of submissive, but the book pointed out there were different types of submission. Who knew? There was the slave who was totally submissive to their Master—twenty-four/seven—and had almost no voice. That had been my mother.
Then there was the sexual submissive who submitted only in the bedroom, plus those who only showed submission in the home and not in public.
I was sure there were more, but those three made sense to me. The book also talked about the power exchange between sub and Dom. How trust in your partner was not only powerful, it would make the relationship stronger, closer, and sexier.
My stomach contracted. While my mind might deny it, my gut knew Marcus was an alpha male, one who would not only take care of me physically, but mentally as well. He was a man I could put my trust in, and I knew that.
So why did my heart pound so hard when I considered submitting?
Could I do this? Trust a dominant man?
Marcus’ voice rang down the stairs and into the library. “Cassie, you can come upstairs now.”
There was no time left to think this through. I needed to make a decision.
Heart beating triple time and my lungs struggling to get enough air, I climbed the stairs to the bedroom. What little air I had rushed out of my lungs as I stepped inside the bedroom. The room was bathed in candlelight, and Marcus stood next to the bed, gloriously naked.
With determination, I walked across the room, discarded my robe and stood in front of him. I was distracted by the towel-covered nightstand. What did he have hidden there? Anticipation with a tinge of fear worked its way up my spine.
He scooped me into his arms, and the next thing I knew I was lying in the middle of the bed with Marcus straddling me. My heart pounded hard. I opened my mouth.
“ Shhh .” He brushed a light kiss against my lips.
I shook my head moving away from his kisses. “I need to say this.” I took a deep breath. I needed to trust him and that meant taking this first step. “You’re the first man I’ve never had to fake an orgasm with.”
There, it was out.
His features went stone cold. “Those others were fucking idiots.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his words.
“The men in your past didn’t know what a treasure they had in you.”
“Maybe.” My teeth dug into my lower lip. “It might have been that I was too afraid to let them give me one.”
Marcus’ head jerked up, and he stiffened. Well I had his attention now. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, but he wanted to know, and I was ready to give him some information.
He shifted off my body and slid to my side, cradling me against him. He reached for the sheet, but I pushed his hand away.
“You were right when you said I was afraid of losing control.” Lord, it was hard to admit this out loud. “Until now, I saw losing control as being associated with pain.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“I know that. I think. At least, I’m trying to. But I can’t just let go of a feeling I’ve lived with so long. I’ve tried.”
“Is that why you were talking to Josh?”
It didn’t surprise me he’d figured out that I’d wanted to try anonymous sex. Marcus was a smart man. He’d put two and two together. I nodded. There was no reason to deny it. A weight inside me slid away.
“How did you find out about that?” I’d hoped he didn’t know about that. It was out of character for me to go to Josh, but I’d needed to get Marcus out of my head.
Marcus blew out a breath. “I saw you two talking, and it was an educated guess.”
I believed him. I might as well get this out of the way. “Until this weekend, I thought maybe having anonymous sex would be the ticket to helping me get past my fears. Within five minutes of our deal, I knew I wouldn’t go through with it, and I called Josh and told him to ignore my request.”
Marcus’ green eyes softened. “What has helped you understand your need for control?”
“For a long time, I shut it out and didn’t try to understand it. Lately, I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
A quick smile broke the seriousness on his face. “Because of me?”
I wasn’t quite ready to have that discussion. Hell, I hadn’t even figured that out for myself.
“Maybe. Today, though, reading a book from your library opened my eyes and helped me understand certain things I didn’t before.”
“Which book?”
“It doesn’t matter.” So, he hadn’t seen the title. Good. I wasn’t quite ready to share it with him. “While I can’t say I won’t be afraid of losing my control, I know I’m safe with you if I do.”
“You’ll always be safe with me.” He gave me another soft kiss. “That’s the reason I use a safe word. Any decent Dom would. It gives you the control to stop whatever is happening, no matter what.”
I nodded as tears crowded my throat. From all my interactions with my father, and the things I’d heard him do to my mother—and seeing the results—if my mother had a safe word, or one my father had respected, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad.
But from everything I read, my mother was more like a slave, with no voice at all, to my abusive father. There was no way I would ever be like that.
“How do you feel about being restrained?”
I closed my eyes and reopened them, processing his words.
“Your skin is flushing. Shall I take that as a yes?”
“I’ve never tried it.” My nerves tingled.
“Have you fantasized about it?”
“Yes.” I had, and he’d been starring in those fantasies. Now he was going to make them come true.
“Let’s see how this goes. Put your arms above your head.”
Nerves pulsing. I raised my arms. Marcus leaned over me, his chest brushing against my breasts.
Softness surrounded my wrists and then a distinct metal click sounded.
I tugged—a natural reaction. But instead of the cold steel I expected to cut into my wrists, a velvet softness pressed against my skin.
A comforting softness.
I tugged again. I couldn’t get loose and took a shaky breath.
“I’ve run the handcuff links between the slats on the headboard.” His voice was husky. “The cuffs themselves are fur-lined, so they won’t mark your beautiful skin. Are you all right?”
“So far.”
His lips and tongue followed a path from the cuff on my right wrist all the way to my shoulder, leaving a path of blazing arousal.
I turned my head and our gazes clashed. “Are you going to let me see what’s on the nightstand?” I jerked my chin in that direction.
“No.” He took my lips, tongue diving into my mouth, tangling with mine before withdrawing. “Lift your head, please.”
I dropped my chin to my chest and fabric covered my eyes.
“No.” I jerked against the handcuffs, my breathing shallow and sweat breaking out on my skin. “Michelle, Michelle, Michelle!”
I couldn’t control my body movements. I tugged at the handcuffs and thrashed around on the bed. My heart racing.
The blindfold was taken away, and Marcus stared at me with concern etched on his face. His fingers brushed my hair away from my forehead before he stroked my cheek. “Sweetheart?”
I fought to get my breathing and panic under control. “My father used to blindfold me to punish me and then tie my hands behind my back to stop me from removing it. It’s the reason I can’t stand total darkness.”
Marcus swore. “I’m sorry, baby. I had no idea he hurt you that way.” His breath was cool against my heated skin and his touch gentle.
I appreciated his tender touch as it was helping me to calm down. Marcus listened to me and reacted to my safe word. That alone helped my heart rate settle a bit.
“Do you want me to remove the cuffs as well?”
I took a deep breath. “They’re okay. No blindfold.” The loss of my sight had made me panic, not the restraints.
“Not a problem.” He tossed the fabric away. “Can you keep your eyes closed?”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want you to see what is coming. I want you to use your other senses rather than sight. Trust me. I won’t hurt you.”
“I’ll do my best.” I let my lashes fall. I could handle that. Besides, I could open my eyes at any time, and the room was lit.