Chapter 10 - Douglas
DOUGLAS
Could this have been the best day of my life?
Is it wrong for me to even think that? To write it down in this ridiculous journal?
I had so many beautiful days with Hannah, but they were all tempered by the knowledge of her failing health. Today was different. Today felt like hope.
But I have nothing to be hoping for here.
That part of my life is over now.
It is, isn’t it?
Mona is twenty years younger than me. She’s beautiful and vibrant and intelligent and genuinely warm. She’ll want a long life with a man her age. She’ll want family, children, an evenly matched future. I can’t give her that.
I shouldn’t even want to.
I closed that door, and it needs to remain closed.
She’s not for me.
I shouldn’t have kissed her.
And that kiss shouldn’t have blown out every barrier I’ve constructed around my heart for these ten years.
She’s not for me.
And it doesn’t matter that she’s come to embody everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m not what she wants. She’s having a good time with me this month, but she’s not going to want more than that. And even if she does, it won’t be for long.
She’s not for me.
The door is closed.
Only December.