Chapter 14 - Douglas
DOUGLAS
Will I ever be able to read Coleridge again without getting turned on?
* * *
Will I ever get through the highs and lows of the rest of my life without Mona beside me?
What the hell have I done to myself?
* * *
December 18
Mona went to Charlotte today to visit her family and friends and didn’t come home until it was almost dark. I can hardly begrudge her for taking a day off—her contract allows one every week, and this is the first one she’s taken—but I missed her.
I spent the day reading and working, trying to block out how alone I felt and avoiding the recognition of how much worse it’s going to be when she’s gone for good.
She returned, bursting back into my world as sharp and bright and full of life as she was the very first day.
I don’t know how she does it, but she transforms every room she walks into.
It’s not merely her presence, although that would be more than enough.
It’s a distinct skill she possesses. As she told me about her day, she went around the room, picking up dishes I left and straightening items on surfaces and changing the lighting so the library miraculously transformed, becoming warm and welcoming rather than depressing.
She lectured me about not doing better today until I mentioned she was shifting into bossy mode.
She took that as a challenge right there on the couch of the library.
She has absolutely no idea how irresistible I find her when she’s like that. On top. Taking what she wants. Beautiful and warm and passionate—with a strength of will that gives more than takes.
Her eyes were laughing as she told me to lie there like a good boy.
Breathtaking.
She could exist in eternal bossy mode with me—in bed and out of it—and I would die a happy man.
* * *
December 19
My family and guests arrive tomorrow.
I usually look forward to their visits, but there are more of them than normal. Plus the house won’t be the same when it’s filled with other people.
Mona and I have been living in our own private bubble for two weeks, and today that bubble bursts. Colleen and Roy return from Asheville this afternoon, and then the crowd descends throughout the day tomorrow.
Mona is excited. She says she’s looking forward to meeting my family because she can’t quite envision how I’ll interact with them. She hasn’t once alluded to any reluctance about our private days ending.
Of course not. She’s not like me. She has a full life outside this house. She’s enjoyed being with me. I know she has. It’s impossible not to see it. But she won’t mourn its passing the way I will.
I lived in drought for so long before she became my rain.