Chapter 16 Douglas
DOUGLAS
Here I sit in the library at one o’clock in the morning, wishing the earth would break open and swallow me down.
A cliché for a reason. That’s exactly how I feel.
It’s been an appallingly bad night, and now there’s no way I can sleep.
Mona has been upset since dinner. When I asked her what was wrong, she gave me a believable excuse that convinced me for a few minutes.
But the more I watched her, the more I knew there had to be more going on than she admitted.
After a while, I was sure she was close to crying, even as she so skillfully held on to her smiling composure.
I know her better than that though. That smile on her face wasn’t real.
But every time I tried to make eye contact, she avoided my gaze. And she ran away before I could catch her when everyone started going to bed.
I assumed she’d come to my room after everyone else was in for the night, but she didn’t. I waited for more than an hour.
Maybe she was worried about anyone finding out about us. Maybe she was trying to be discreet and more professional. Maybe…
Maybe she’s still upset and hiding something from me.
Finally I couldn’t sit on the edge of my bed waiting for her to come any longer. I walked down the hall to her room and knocked quietly.
I can’t remember the last time I was as shocked and horrified as I was when Blakely opened the door.
It’s been Mona’s room since she arrived.
It’s always been my favorite guest suite, so I told Colleen to give it to her since she would be working here for an entire month.
It was Mona’s room. I was so taken aback to see Blakely standing where Mona was supposed to be that, for a moment, I wondered if I’d gotten lost on my way down the hall.
It got worse after that. Because Blakely completely misinterpreted my presence.
She said she was hoping I’d come tonight.
I can’t begin to describe the wave of revulsion I experienced.
As if I would ever—ever—spend the night with a woman without real feelings taking us there.
As if I would ever want to give myself that way to anyone but Mona.
I can’t remember exactly what I said. I’m sure it was bumbling. Mortifying. Something about looking for Mona.
Blakely’s manner turned to ice when she realized I was looking for Mona. She explained Mona had thoughtlessly taken her room, so she corrected it when she arrived. Mona is now downstairs.
In a different situation, I would have been angry about her using that tone to speak of Mona, but my desire to get away from her was stronger than anything else. I left and ended up here.
And even now I want to sink into the floor and never emerge.
Plus I still don’t know what’s wrong with Mona. And I still desperately need to be with her. And I don’t even know what room downstairs she’s been moved into.
I can’t go pounding on doors in the middle of the night until I find her.
I suspect she doesn’t want to talk to me anyway.
Maybe she’s getting tired of me. Maybe what should have been a light, enjoyable holiday fling has become a lot more than she intended, a lot more than she would ever want.
Maybe she’s pulling away from me at last.
Why didn’t she come to my room tonight?
I need her so much.