26. Bash
26
BASH
He stared at the phone in Faye’s hands. His phone. The names Woodrow and Sturridge hovering between them like wasps about to sting.
“Where did you hear that?” Bash’s heart was heavy as it thumped.
“Bennet just called you,” Faye said, distress in her voice matched by the square set of her shoulders. “I thought it might be important since it’s late, so I answered.”
All Bash could do was stare at that damn phone. Hyper aware of the sounds of his breathing, his throat and lips went dry.
He’d heard a ringtone from inside of the bathroom and then Faye’s voice, so he’d assumed it was hers which had rung; her step-sister or one of her parents calling to wish her ‘Merry Christmas’.
He hadn’t expected this.
If she hadn’t answered it then none of the argument Bash was sure was about to happen, would . But he couldn’t blame Faye for that. No, this was his fault. Minimising damage was all he could do now.
It must be midnight but this couldn’t wait until morning .
“What did he tell you?” he asked as a chill crossed over his bare chest.
“I don’t care what Bennet said, Bash , I want to hear it from you—whatever you’ve not been telling me.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Isn’t it?” Faye’s sharp eyes didn’t believe him. When had she stopped trusting him?
Bash’s jaw feathered. “Can I have my phone, please?”
“No.” Faye tossed it backwards on the bed instead. All around her eyes were red, understandably so.
Her shock to hear whatever Bennet had told her came out as frustration. “You were upset I didn’t tell you about Manchester, but you’ve hidden America from me. This is fucked up, Bash.”
“Because I’m not leaving.” His voice pitched too loud. “I’ve never wanted the deal. I’m not going. I don’t care what this new offer is – I’m not chasing the money.”
Bash looked Faye in the eye with every word that came from his mouth, because damn him if he was going to give her a reason to believe he wasn’t telling the truth.
Feeling a need to cover up, he moved around her and pulled a crumpled t-shirt from his belongings. “The job offer came in barely two weeks ago and I’ve never wanted to take it.”
“Two weeks ago?” Faye tracked him around the room. “So right when you were professing to me how you wished your life was further along?”
“ Yes .” He couldn’t catch a breath. “I didn’t tell you because there’s nothing happening. I’m not going. So there was nothing to tell.”
He could see why she’d be frustrated, but that didn’t stop Bash from wondering why she was when nothing was going to change. Not for him, at least.
“Still, you left me in the dark.” Faye’s shoulders bunched around her ears with every flapping gesture she made. “Am I only just hearing about this because you’ve been caught out? ”
Caught out? Bash’s lips parted. This wasn’t like he was having an illicit affair; this was an offer for a job that came to nothing. They happened every day in his line of work.
“If I’d thought for even a second I was going to accept the offer then I would’ve told you straight away. You have to know that.”
Faye looked like she’d been struck and Bash realised his mistake. “You mean like I didn’t,” she uttered.
Bash clenched his fists for something to squeeze, because she was right, this whole thing of them lying to each other and being upset about it was fucked up. They were best friends for god's sake. He hadn’t wanted to make her stress about something that was never going to happen, and yet it’d turned out that way anyway.
“No. No, Faye. And I’m not angry with you at all, please see that?” He took one step beside the bed that he wasn’t likely to get much sleep in tonight if they kept on with this fight.
Eyes downcast, Faye nodded slowly, the most unconvincing of nods. If anything, Bash expected her to put up more of a fight, but maybe the discussion they’d already had earlier had put some things into perspective for her.
His mind went straight to the basis of every therapy session he’d ever had. “Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” he asked. “So I know where we stand?”
After a moment filled by a breath, she answered, “Upset that I didn’t know about this. Relieved that you’re not going.”
“That’s okay. That’s good.” Upset and relieved, Bash could work with.
“We both made the same mistake,” Faye uttered.
Only a few hours since he’d found out about her news, and Bash hadn’t had time to process what the next year would look like for them with the party in full swing downstairs.
“Well we were bound to morph into the same person at some point, we’ve been stuck with each other for too long.” That earned him a small, tired exhale of a laugh .
Arms moving to hug around herself, Faye finally lifted her gaze. “Why don’t you want to go? To America?”
Bash stared at the shine in her eyes.
Didn’t she know?
“Because the life I’m trying to build isn’t four thousand miles away from here.” A tight tug within his chest made him want to go to her and replace her arms with his own, but he held back.
“But … it could be?” Faye sniffled. “The perfect woman you’re wanting to find and settle down with could be over there looking for you too.”
Bash shook his head. “She’s not.”
She was right in front of him.
Faye drew a long breath, her chest expanding against that white cotton of her cropped vest top. Bash couldn’t decide if she’d realised the singular meaning behind what he’d said or not. And if she couldn’t hear it, then it was written all over his face too.
Was now the right time to skip straight past telling her how much he adored her, to showing her instead? All of the buzzing within him felt the same as when he’d covered her from that near miss down the lane, and he could quite easily blame that for his desire to kiss her right then. To take those soft looking lips with his and breathe her in until there was no more space in his lungs.
Her throat cleared delicately and she looked down at her feet again.
Bash swallowed too.
On the back of an argument wasn’t the right moment to tell her how he felt; he started to feel like there would never be one. Saying he was in love with her was too much of a risk for their relationship that balanced on the threads of something more as it was without the moment being perfect.
No, if it was going to be all or nothing, then he had to do this right.
Faye moved towards the bed which was now theirs, first.
“I’m sorry I threw your phone,” she said, picking it up for him and thumbi ng the edges like the device was hurt. In truth, Bash didn’t care about the phone at all, and “thrown” was a bit of a stretch.
“It’s just a phone,” he said. “And you tossed it two feet to a bed, not the wall. I don’t think a duvet can do much damage.” Before the thing caused any more trouble, Bash turned it off and put it back on the nightstand to charge.
His body ached in various places as he curled down onto his half of the bed, watching over his shoulder as Faye did the same.
“I’m sorry,” he said tenderly, because he wasn’t sure if he’d said it at all. “I guess that with all of those thoughts of wanting a family in my head, I’d wanted to make the decision about America on my own. Ben’s been on my ass about it since the offer came in, but working for someone else’s company isn’t my thing anymore. That’s another reason not to go.”
One of many he had to stay.
Faye brought her knees up beside her and turned to him, leaning on one palm in a way that tested Bash’s willpower to not let his gaze drop down her neck.
“You’re really not leaving?”
He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “No, Peanut. I’m not leaving you.”
Finally, she smiled – even if it was a watery one.
“And no more miscommunicating with each other?” One of her eyebrows arched in a look that made Bash think she’d been spending too much time around Saira and his mother. Now he knew why Matt gave in to his wife’s whims so easily.
He pouted in feigned thought. “Does keeping what I got you for Christmas a secret count?”
“That’s acceptable.”
Good . Because if it wasn’t then Faye was really going to spoil his surprise.
She folded down like a croissant curled around herself, and as soon as her head hit her pillow, her eyes closed. “I’m so tired. ”
“I know. Come here.” Bash pulled the duvet up over her and then himself.
It might be too intrusive and he’d blame it in the morning on his tiredness, but he lowered himself and gently tucked Faye up against his chest. Her energy felt like it left her in one heavy go as she sighed. Her arm wrapped across his body around his waist and Bash’s heart doubled in size.
“Bash?” Faye mumbled.
“Yeah?”
“For the record, you have a really nice ass.”
So she had caught his little slip of the towel earlier when he’d paraded around to level the score.
Bash smiled to himself, and neither of them tried to pull away as they fell asleep.