Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
PARKER
Although it took every ounce of willpower I had not to lift Luna into my arms and cart her upstairs into her bedroom, I didn’t.
I kissed her once more and physically forced myself to step away.
She asked if she could see Fuzzy soon, so we planned a hike.
I barely remembered what I said as I left with my body humming from such a rush of need I couldn’t think.
After I got home, I resorted to finding my release in the shower. Desperate times, desperate measures, and all that. I fell asleep with Luna swirling in my thoughts. I couldn’t help but wonder why I wanted so much with her. I was allergic to commitment, or that’s what I had always told myself.
“Parker!” My dad’s greeting was so loud that I had to pull the phone away from my ear for a second.
“Hey, Dad,” I replied with a chuckle. “How are you?”
“Amazing!” he boomed. “I’m in love!”
Another chuckle rustled in my throat. My dad was like a little kid with his rekindled relationship.
His youthful enthusiasm was heartwarming.
Although I was bemused by it, I knew it was hard won.
He had walked a gauntlet of substance abuse and years of reckless decisions to reach a point where he had enough wisdom to make better choices.
For the last few years, he had stayed out of jail and stayed sober.
He’d stopped trying to make a quick buck and find a shortcut in life.
“I’m happy for you, Dad.” I meant every word down to my bones.
I could hear the seriousness in his voice. “I know you are. You know, you could fall in love,” he said, so earnestly it twisted my heart.
When it came to making halfway decent choices, my life had been more of a rip the bandage off approach. I’d made my stupid choices that had given me a brutally quick course in what I didn’t want from life. And yet, I didn’t know how to tell my dad I wasn’t so sure love was on the table for me.
Although the mere mention of the word love conjured the feel of Luna in my arms and her big eyes blinking up at me.
If there was anyone I could fall in love with, it would be Luna.
Panic spun in my chest when I contemplated that.
My fear of abandonment was so big inside it felt all-encompassing.
Between my mom bolting from my life and my dad bouncing in and out of jail, trust didn’t come easy.
Not so much in people specifically, but more in the universe and in believing things could work out.
I played it cool and laughed. “You never know how things are gonna work out, Dad. Based on your life, it seems like everything works out when the time is right.”
My dad’s soft laugh filtered through the phone. “True enough, but you don’t have to screw up for as long as I did,” he pointed out.
“Dad, I love you, and I’m always glad to talk to you. You know that, but let’s not make every call about how I should fall in love and get married.”
His laugh was wry. “I’m just calling to check in. Tell me what’s new.”
Yet again, my thoughts spun toward Luna. She was the equivalent of the North Star in my brain lately. If I told my dad a single thing about Luna, he’d be all over my case about her.
“Not a whole lot. Livin’ life,” I replied vaguely.
I rolled my truck to a stop in the parking lot at Firehouse Café and tapped the button to turn the engine off. “Stopping to get some coffee, like I do most days. This afternoon, I’m taking Fuzzy for a hike.”
“How is that guy?” my dad asked.
“He’s good. You know Fuzzy, he’s easy come, easy go with life. So when did you say you’re gonna be nearby for your honeymoon?”
“Well, we’re doing that ferry trip soon, so I’ll text you the dates.”
“As long as we don’t get called out to a fire, I’ll be here. You know we’re in fire season, so that could happen.”
“Oh, I know.”
“Well, what’s up with you, Dad? I mean, aside from love and all that.”
“I’m doing good. Going to my NA meetings, loving life with my lady.”
“It’s always good to hear from you, Dad. Love you and talk to you soon, okay?”
“You know it. Love you too.” I ended the call, smiling as I climbed out of my truck.
In spite of everything, I’d never for a second doubted my dad loved me. When I was a kid, my dad had a clumsy emotional quality. As if he wasn’t sure how to get it right. Older and wiser now, I understood there was no getting everything right in life. He’d fumbled his way through.
“Parker!” a voice called as I approached the door to the café.
Turning, I grinned, calling, “Hey!”
As my friend Hudson approached, he pocketed his keys when he reached my side. “What are you up to today?”
“Getting coffee and hopefully a donut.”
Hudson clapped me on the shoulder as we turned and continued walking in together.
It would always amaze me that we’d met in detention, become best friends, lost touch, and reconnected years later.
Life was funny sometimes. It spun in different directions.
Sometimes mistakes could be the best thing that ever happened when you took the lesson offered from them.
I couldn’t help the anticipation that began to buzz through my veins when we got in line at the counter.
Luna wasn’t always here, but she was often here.
Even though we’d made plans for the hike today, I didn’t know if she’d be here.
Disappointment gusted through me when we got to the front of the line and she wasn’t there.
Hudson immediately asked, “How fresh are the donuts?”
Casey grinned. “An hour, and there’s only four left. You’d better get them now because Luna’s left for the day.”
“Give me all four,” Hudson said quickly.
I elbowed him in the side. “I’d like one.”
He rolled his eyes. “Fine, Parker can have one.”
Casey giggled as she reached into the display case. When Hudson stepped away to go to the restroom while she made our coffees, she caught my eye. “So, I have one thing to say.”
“Uh, okaaay,” I said slowly.
“You be good to Luna. She told me she’s going on a hike with you and Fuzzy today.” Casey’s gaze bordered on stern.
I had so many questions, but there were customers in line behind me. “Of course, I’ll be good to Luna. Do I need to worry about what she’s saying about me?”
One of Casey’s brows arched up. “Maybe, maybe not. You only need to worry if you’re not good to her.” At that, she handed me my coffee.
“Okay, dude, you need to be on your best behavior.”
Fuzzy looked up at me with his soulful brown eyes. Whether he understood me or not, he butted his head gently against my knees. He bounded outside, leaping into the front of my truck a moment later, his tail swishing against the seat.
A short drive later, I parked in front of Luna’s house. The hum of anticipation was getting louder in my body. I had wondered about Luna, who I’d thought of as Jane, for years. That afternoon on the beach had almost seemed like a mirage afterwards, as if it hadn’t really happened.
I’d always hoped I’d see her again. When I didn’t for so many years, that afternoon felt like a blip.
I hadn’t ever considered being serious with someone, then or now.
Yet, I’d connected with her so easily that day.
Afterwards, I’d talked myself out of it, convincing myself it had been a fluke, that my mind was playing tricks on me.
And yet now, I knew it hadn’t been a fluke. Although my mind wanted me to shy away, my heart wanted a chance with her. A real one.
Fuzzy recognized where we were and raced out of my truck with sheer excitement. His entire body was vibrating when we stood in front of Luna’s door. I glanced down, chuckling as I knocked. When Luna opened the door, Fuzzy immediately began circling her legs and letting out these little happy yips.
She knelt down to pet him. “Fuzzy!” she enthused.
He licked her face, turning in a tight circle in front of her. She glanced up at me. “I suppose I could greet you. Hello,” she offered.
“Priorities,” I teased. “I’m glad Fuzzy’s so happy to see you.”
A moment later, she straightened, glancing down at her shirt. “I’m covered in dog hair.”
“Welcome to my life,” I said dryly.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked.
“Fuzzy certainly is.” He was poised at the top of the steps to her porch, intently studying a squirrel climbing a tree.
Luna smiled. “I’m ready to go. Let me just grab my phone and my keys.”
A moment later, we were walking down the steps. “This way.” She gestured.
I followed her around the back of her house to the same path we’d taken the other day. “It’s nice you’re so close to this trail network,” I commented, idly spinning Fuzzy’s leash in a circle as we walked.
“I love it. I usually get out for a hike at least once a week. Have you seen that viewing spot that looks out over the valley? It’s a great place to watch the sunset or sunrise.”
Nodding, I replied, “It’s where I usually hike to with Fuzzy. So how did you luck into this place?”
“It’s my grandmother’s. She has a larger house nearby, and she used to rent this out. After I worked some in Juneau and finished my culinary program last year, she told me I could stay here. Sometimes I worry she’s losing out on the rent money. I pay rent even though she says I don’t have to.”
“It’s a nice little place.”
“It’s perfect for me,” Luna replied.
We fell quiet once the path from her house connected with the main trail. The main trail led to a network of smaller trails that all circled back. I unclipped Fuzzy’s leash. He liked to bound ahead and loop back and was good about staying nearby.
Walking through the trees reminded me of why I’d loved those hours with Luna that single afternoon a decade ago.
It was simply comfortable to be with her.
I didn’t feel the need to fill any quiet spaces.
Perhaps the phrase “in companionable silence” was trite, but it was meaningful.
Experiencing it felt like falling into a pocket of ease, a place I could stay forever.