Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
PARKER
“Amazing. I told you.” I finished my first bite of Luna’s strawberry rhubarb crumble cake. She’d whipped it up within minutes after we arrived.
Luna bit her lip, pink flaring on her cheeks as she looked over from across her small kitchen table. “Told me what?”
“That this would be amazing.” I took another bite, closing my eyes as I savored the subtle sweet flavor with bursts of tartness from the berries and rhubarb.
She pressed her lips together. “Thank you,” she finally said. “I love to bake.”
“Good thing because you’re seriously skilled. I’m decent in the kitchen, but that’s it. I definitely can’t bake donuts or anything like this magic.” I gestured toward the baking pan in the center of the table.
Fuzzy was sound asleep on the floor beside Luna’s feet.
I didn’t doubt my dog’s love for me, but I was pretty sure that he thought Luna was the best human being in the universe.
While we were waiting for the crumble cake to finish baking, she’d whipped up molasses oatmeal dog biscuits for him.
He’d gobbled two of them in quick succession before she put the others away, assuring him he could have more later.
Everything about today felt too good to be true.
Time and again, it harked me back to that feeling from that afternoon.
Over the years, I convinced myself those hours were better in my memory than they’d been in real life.
But now, I was pretty sure my memory didn’t do the time justice.
There was a comfort and an ease to sharing space with Luna.
I now thought of her in my memory as Luna.
Because that name suited her in a way that Jane never had.
It was approaching the time where I should make a graceful exit, but I didn’t want to leave. Yet again, a comfortable silence fell between us.
I felt her gaze on me and lifted mine to hers. “You look like you’re thinking a little too hard, Luna,” I teased lightly.
She was quiet for a beat. “I don’t want you to leave tonight.” Her words came out in a rush, followed by a wash of deep pink staining her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have said that,” she added quickly.
“I definitely don’t want to leave.” I was completely serious. “So I’m really glad you said that.”
She smiled sheepishly as she looked over at me. “Well, good then. At least we agree.”
A little later, Luna was trying to keep me from washing the dishes. “Luna, you baked,” I protested. “And it was amazing. It’s a total of four plates.”
“And the bowl.” She pointed to the large mixing bowl she’d used.
I chuckled and kept on cleaning up. After I finished, for the first time, awkwardness hung in the air. I knew what I wanted, although it wasn’t defined. I didn’t have to have everything now with Luna. I simply didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stretch this time with her further.
She twisted the dish towel between her hands nervously until I reached for it. “What are you worried about?”
She took a quick breath, straightening her shoulders. “I really like you, Parker, and I’m afraid I’m going to screw this up.”
“You can’t screw this up, Luna. I really like you too.”
The sound of her quick inhalation was audible. She startled me just like she had the other night. She tossed the dish towel on the counter and closed the distance between us. Seconds later, she was leaning up to kiss me.
The moment our lips collided, fire blazed through me, and my mind went blank. There was a sweetness, a pure quality to her that stripped away my defenses and knocked me to my knees inside. She kissed me boldly, her tongue tangling with mine briefly before we broke apart.
We stared at each other, our breath heaving together. I scrambled inside, frantically trying to get purchase, trying to steady myself internally. The fierce need I felt for Luna was more powerful than any I’d experienced and tested all of my discipline.
“I want you, Luna.” My voice was decisive, the edges of my words scuffed from the force of my need.
I closed my eyes to gather myself. After several deep breaths, I leveled my gaze with hers.
She stared back at me, lifting her chin slightly and squaring her shoulders. “I want you, Parker.”
I swallowed. “I don’t want to rush this,” I finally said.
Luna meant too much to me. What she represented in my memory and in my heart was, not to be trite, something special. There weren’t many people I felt like I could be truly myself with. She was on that very short list. I trusted her on a bone deep level.
“I don’t know that we can rush anything. We’ve already blown past all of it.” She straightened up even further. “I’m halfway to falling in love with you, and I can’t believe I just said that out loud, but it’s true.”
My heart practically cracked a rib. My voice was raspy when I replied, emotion crashing through me so fast my throat felt tight. “I’m halfway in love with you. But—”
Luna stepped closer, placing her palm on my chest, where my heart felt pulled toward it, as if she were a magnet.
“I feel like we lost so much time,” Luna said. “I don’t want to miss any more.”
As I stared into her eyes, I felt like I understood something even if she wasn’t saying it explicitly.
She had missed so many things once her parents went on the road and turned her life into a display of video clips curated and fed to the masses.
She didn’t want to miss any of the real parts of life. This, between us, was achingly real.
I placed my hand over hers, curling my fingers around it. “Okay. Here’s the thing, I want you so bad. I want it all. At any second, if you decide you want to slow down, all you have to do is say so.”
Her lips curled in a slow smile, joy and passion sparking in her eyes. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, but okay. The same goes for you,” she said earnestly.
I chuckled. “Luna, I waited years hoping I’d see you again. And then, I finally did. Pretty sure that’s not gonna happen for me either, but I appreciate you making sure I know.”
When she giggled, the sound slipped through the defenses around my heart, curling up in a corner. Warm and safe. The way my heart felt in her hands.
Luna turned her hand to lace her fingers with mine before stepping back and tugging me away. “The kitchen is great now, but…” she teased as she pulled me through the living room over to the stairs.
I took a quick glance over at Fuzzy. He was out for the count, snoring softly, where he slept on the kitchen floor.
“Do you need to take Fuzzy out?” Luna asked, stopping at the base of the stairs.
“No, he should be good. I took him out for a break before we started cleaning up. I was just making sure he was good and asleep.”
She giggled again. “He looks very asleep.”
A laugh rumbled in my throat as I squeezed her hand. “He’s a really good sleeper.”
I followed when she began walking up the stairs.
A sense of anticipation began drumming through my body.
My entire focus was on Luna. I barely registered that the stairs came to a landing with a single door that led into a large bedroom.
The bed suited Luna perfectly. It was a tall four-poster bed with pillows piled high and light, silky fabric draped over the posts.
Luna stopped in front of it, dropping my hand and turning to face me. When she looked up at me, she looked hesitant with trepidation flickering in her gaze.
“If you’ve changed your mind –” I began.
She shook her head quickly. “I haven’t changed my mind, but I’m nervous to tell you something. I’m afraid, when I do, that you’ll change your mind.”
“Luna, that’s not possible,” I said flatly.
She studied me, and I swore it felt like she was reaching into my heart. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “I’m a virgin,” she said so quickly I almost didn’t catch it.
“What?” I shook my head, almost as if to myself.
She let out a sigh of frustration. “I’m a virgin.
” This time, her words were slower and clear.
“And it’s stupid. I think that whole thing is stupid, women saving themselves, or men thinking they’re getting some prize.
It’s so ridiculous. But thanks to my parents, even though my whole life was plastered on an online family influencer channel, I didn’t have a regular adolescence.
I didn’t have a boyfriend. I didn’t even want to date because I didn’t want to end up being the subject of some kind of commentary.
Since I moved away…” She shrugged and rolled her eyes again. “Well, it’s just weird.”
Once again, Luna left me reeling. Intellectually, I understood all of her points and, I suppose, agreed with them. Fuck me. “Luna, are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Oh, my God!” Hands on hips, she narrowed her eyes.
I shifted on my feet. “I’m almost thirty years old.
And everything I said about how I feel about you is true.
Can you just not have it be a whole thing?
I thought about not even telling you because I don’t think it’s that important.
You were the first guy I kissed, but you’re not the only guy I’ve kissed.
I just haven’t wanted things to go further.
Some people suck at kissing.” She pursed her lips as if she’d eaten something bitter. “I really like kissing you.”
Luna’s openness and vulnerability twisted my heart. Much as part of me wanted to bolt because this felt like far more than I bargained for, that wasn’t fair and I knew it.
“I really like kissing you too.” Obvious, much? my mind taunted me.
“Are you going to freak out and tell me we can’t do this then?” The annoyance in her tone elicited a chuckle.
“I understand your point, logically, but I don’t want to screw up.”
She flung a hand in the air. “That’s impossible. Everything you do feels good.” When Luna stepped closer and placed her palm on my chest, and whispered, “Please,” I was lost.
To her. To this. To us.
Although, I suppose my heart had been lost to her since that afternoon on a beach all those years ago when I thought her name was Jane and she had straight hair. Her curls were my favorite thing about her, beyond simply who she was as a human being.
I sucked in a gulp of air. “What I said earlier stands.” I opened my mouth to repeat myself, but Luna rolled her eyes.
“I know, I know. If I change my mind at any point, all I have to do is say so. Yep. Got it.” She circled her hand in the air impatiently. “Now, can we get with the program, please?”
A laugh slipped out when she leaned up to kiss me again. The feel of her lips, warm and soft against mine, was enough to make me forget everything but how much I wanted her and how good it felt to kiss her.