Chapter 1 #2
The pale sage-green color complemented my skin tone, and the A-line corseted bodice managed to accentuate my waist and hold my breasts in place perfectly, a feat not easily accomplished given that my girls were on the larger side.
I was comfortable in my own skin and loved every dip and curve of my body, but dressing as a curvy plus-sized girl wasn’t always easy.
Especially when stores and shops still catered to skinnier women.
But the beautiful tea-length gowns that Rae had picked for us were flattering for every body type, and I’d felt like showing off, despite knowing the temperature would drop with the sun.
With my hair and makeup done and this knockout dress, I’d been convinced there was no way Raylan could look at me today and see a little girl.
Then he showed up with Wedding Date Barbie on his arm—a lithe woman with mile-long legs who looked like she belonged on a runway—and all my hopes were dashed.
I wrapped one arm around myself as I lifted the glass of champagne with the other, drinking half of it down in a couple swallows.
“You tryin’ to catch pneumonia out here, Chaos?”
My spine shot straight and my fingers tightened around the flute’s stem at that deep, rumbly voice. It was just as rough and shiver-inducing as always, like a file scraping over craggy stone, smoothing out its jagged edges.
It was as though my thoughts conjured up the very man I was trying to get away from.
The chill along my spine just then had nothing to do with the temperature.
It never failed that my skin would tingle and grow tight and my heart would start to race at the sound of Raylan’s voice, especially when he was calling me by the nickname he’d given me years ago.
Taking a bracing breath, I looked over my shoulder at the approaching man. My breath stalled for a second as I took him in. If I thought Raylan Bradbury was a sight to behold in faded jeans and those old flannels he favored, it was nothing compared to what he looked like in a tux.
His long legs and thick thighs encased in those black slacks made my mouth water. The cowboy could clean up really damn well, that was for sure.
He’d ditched his jacket a while ago, his bow tie hung undone over his shoulders, and the suspenders he was sporting made my imagination run wild.
The top button of his crisp white dress shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his throat.
I hadn’t known it was possible for a throat to be sexy until Raylan.
His blond hair shone paler than usual in the moonlight, and I didn’t want to think about why it looked so tousled.
As though someone had been running their French tipped fingernails through it.
Doing the very thing I’d done for years, I forced my feelings for him down so I didn’t risk them showing on my face or in my eyes.
Only that had been proving harder to do than usual lately.
I didn’t know if it was because of the wedding and the vibes that came with it, or if I was simply tired of pretending, but those feelings remained closer to the surface than I was comfortable with.
Pretending my heart didn’t feel like it was beating at the pace of hummingbird wings, I snorted and turned back to the view of the shadowed mountains and night sky I’d been appreciating before he showed up. “It’s not that cold out here, you big baby,” I said teasingly.
The dried grass crunched beneath his shoes as he moved closer, coming to a stop right beside me, close enough that the smells of earth and pine trees were blocked out by Raylan’s cologne.
The leather and sweet tobacco leaf scent was so familiar to me that I could pick the man out in a crowded room while blindfolded based on smell alone.
“Cold enough you at least need a sweater,” he replied.
I blew out a raspberry and waved a hand down my front with a flourish before holding my arms out and spinning in a quick circle for maximum effect. “And cover up this gorgeous dress? Not a chance in hell. I can handle being a little chilly.” Thank you, padded bra.
His gaze trailed from my face to my feet, taking me in, and I was suddenly thankful for the darkness. It hid the fact that my skin had become hot and flush at his perusal, leaving my cheeks and neck a berry-red color that would have instantly given me away.
“It is a hell of a dress, Chaos. If I haven’t told you already, you look beautiful.”
Even said in his signature surly tone, that compliment was enough to make me swoon on the inside. I shot him a sassy smile and batted my lashes. “Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself, Cowboy.”
One side of his mouth quirked up in a crooked grin as he let out a low chuckle. “The highest of compliments.”
“Like you need your ego stroked,” I threw back, casting him a side-eyed look. “I’m sure your harem of women keeps your praise tank topped off.”
I hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud and really hoped he couldn’t hear the bitterness laced through those words.
Raylan’s eyes flashed wide, a burst of surprised laughter shooting past his lips. “My harem? You make me sound like a man-whore.”
My mouth hooked to the side in a smirk. “If the condom fits . . .” I made sure my tone came off playful, even though it was the last thing I felt as I spoke that particularly painful truth.
He snorted at my jab, his lips curling up into a smile that, even in the darkness, was gorgeous enough to take my breath away.
I forced my gaze from his face before he could read everything I was feeling.
“Speaking of your harem, shouldn’t you be getting back to your date?
” My insides shriveled from saying those words, but my feelings were too close to the surface.
I felt raw, like an exposed nerve, and I worried that the longer I spent in his company, the more likely it would be that I’d do something incredibly stupid and make a fool of myself.
He waved my statement off without a care. “Nah, I’m sure she can entertain herself for a while longer. Last I checked, she was preening on the dancefloor, tryin’ to catch that hockey player’s attention.”
There wasn’t a hint of jealousy or anger in his voice. He didn’t seem to care, but I couldn’t stop my top lip from curling up. Sure, Tanner Fine had money and fame and muscles for days, but he still had nothing on the man standing beside me.
What an idiot.
“Besides, I came to find you because you haven’t given me a dance yet. Can’t let the night pass without cuttin’ up that floor with me, Chaos.”
God, he was killing me.
I wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms and let him lead me around the dance floor, soaking up his scent and the warmth from his steady embrace, but I couldn’t risk it.
My smile was small as I gave my head a shake. “I’m not ready to go back in there just yet.”
His scrutinizing gaze tracked across my face. “That’s okay. We can dance right here.”
I harrumphed. “You can barely hear the music all the way out here.”
His strong, rounded shoulder lifted in a casual shrug. “Who needs music? Besides, without it, you won’t be tempted to sing along to whatever’s playin’, so I won’t have to worry about my ears bleedin’.”
“Jerk.” I smacked him in his firm, toned stomach with the back of my hand, my lips trembling as I fought to keep from smiling.
“My singing isn’t that bad.” That was a bald-faced lie.
I knew how I sounded. I wasn’t delusional enough to think I’d be winning any singing competitions in my lifetime.
I’d most likely end up on one of those episodes where they featured the worst, most embarrassing auditions.
“You’re right. It’s worse,” he chuckled. “Now come on and dance with me, Lenni.”
I bent to place the now-empty champagne flute in the grass, careful not to break it. As I reached to place my hand in his, I knew I was making a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself. He issued a challenge, and he knew I could never back down from something like that.
He pulled me closer, clasping my hand firmly in his and wrapping his other arm around my waist, his palm pressed against the center of my back, the pressure of his touch bringing me even closer to him.
It wasn’t anywhere near where he’d been touching Wedding Date Barbie earlier, but I was still a sucker for it all the same.
I closed my eyes and melted into him, soaking in every second I had in his arms, knowing it would end far too soon. We remained silent as we swayed together, our only music the gentle, soothing chirp of crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl or distant howl of a coyote.
“I really meant it, you know,” he said a few minutes later, breaking the peace of the moment.
I tilted my chin to look up at him. “Meant what?”
“You look beautiful tonight, Lenni.”
From this close, I could see the flecks of gunmetal in his blue eyes, and as I stared into them, something inside me snapped. I didn’t think. I simply acted.
I slid my hand across his shoulder and wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him down as I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his.
In that instant, I finally got the answer to my burning question of how soft Raylan Bradbury’s lips were and how they’d feel against my own. The answer: transcendent.
I was so lost in the feel of him that it took me a moment to realize he’d frozen in place, his entire body locked up like he’d been encased in concrete. And he was absolutely not kissing me back.
Oh God. What have I done?
A bead of cold sweat trickled down my spine and my heart began to race as I pulled away and slowly lowered myself back down.
His expression was something I’d never seen before.
Utter bewilderment mixed with something else .
. . something that looked a lot like pity.
I shot up a silent prayer, willing the ground beneath me to open up and swallow me whole.
“I—” I started at the same time he said, “Kiddo . . .”
I couldn’t help but flinch as I took a wobbly step back. Out of all the endearments Raylan had for me, that was the one I absolutely hated. Every time he called me kiddo, I wanted to scream. Shout at him that I was a grown woman, for Christ’s sake.
My brows pulled low and my lips drooped into a frown. “Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “I’m not a kid anymore, Raylan.”
He was only eleven years older, and I hated how it sometimes felt like he used the difference in our ages as a way to keep an unseen chasm between us. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me, but every time he made some remark about “understanding once I was older” it felt like a slap in the face.
I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the bone-deep chill that had absolutely nothing to do with the cool night air. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m all grown up now.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. You just . . .” He reached up, raking his fingers though his hair. “You caught me off guard is all. Never in a million years did I expect you to kiss me.”
My eyes began to burn as my heart plummeted to my feet. It was impossible to keep the pain out of my voice as I asked, “Is the thought of kissing me really that crazy?”
“Yes. No. Fuck! I don’t know.” Raylan began to pace, scrubbing at his face with agitation. “It’s just not something I’ve ever thought about.”
Ouch.
I hugged myself tighter and held my ground, refusing to run away, even though the voice in the back of my head was screaming at me to do that very thing.
In for a penny, I thought as I squared my shoulders and looked him right in the eye.
“Well, now that it’s happened . . . what do you think about it? ”
A look of pity swept across his handsome features. “Kid—Lennix,” he said, catching himself just a second too late. “I’m flattered, really.” I could feel the but coming, and I had to prepare myself for whatever would follow. “But you’re so young. And you’re Zach’s sister.”
I lifted my chin defiantly, fighting the tremble as he drove the knife deeper into my chest.
“I could never go there.” He shook his head, and it took everything in me to keep the tears at bay. “You mean the world to me, you know that. And you know I’ll always care about you, but . . . I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just don’t see you that way.”
I was so wrong. There was no way I would have been able to brace for that kind of blow. With that last sentence, he knocked the wind right out of me and shattered every single dream I’d ever had of him looking at me like I was more.