Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Raylan
Fucking hell. I was such an asshole.
If it were physically possible, I would have kicked my own ass for being such a dick to Lennix.
Especially for that comment about her being immature.
I saw the moment that insult landed and took root.
The hurt that flashed across her beautiful face and turned her dark green eyes sad for a split second before she hid it behind the armor of her fierce attitude and grabbed hold of her anger.
It was a shitty thing to say, and I knew I’d seriously fucked up as soon as the words left my mouth. They weren’t even true, for Christ’s sake. Most of the time it was easy to forget that Lennix was so much younger than I was.
Too easy.
That was the problem.
As the years progressed and Lennix got older, I’d started to see her in a totally different light. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but one day she’d stopped being my best friend’s kid sister and I couldn’t help but notice the gorgeous, confident woman she’d turned into every time I looked at her.
She was strong and loyal and responsible.
She might have had a childhood that was better than mine had been—at least until Marco came into our lives and shouldered some of the burden my oldest sister, Gypsy, had been forced to carry, trying to raise all of us after our worthless parents bailed.
But she’d never once taken her upbringing for granted.
Lennix worked hard for everything she had, earning the right to run the bar that was as much her family’s legacy as the ranch we stood on through hard work, grit, and determination.
She even managed to make the place more popular than it had already been by expanding it into a full-blown brewery.
She’d proven herself to everyone around her, time and time again.
Truth was, I brought up the gap between us as often as I did because I was the one who needed to remember.
I was constantly having to remind myself it was wrong to feel the way I felt about Lennix Paulson.
If Zach knew the thoughts that went through my head about his little sister, he would skin me alive and leave me out in the middle of nowhere for the animals to feed on. And I wouldn’t blame him one damn bit.
After all, I didn’t have the best reputation when it came to relationships.
Lennix wasn’t the kind of woman you took to bed for a little fun with the understanding it wasn’t going to last past the sun coming up.
She was the kind of woman you built a life with.
A forever. And I had no interest in that kind of thing.
I’d seen first-hand how a toxic relationship could destroy everything around it with my own parents. I had no desire to go down that road.
I had Peggy and Danny Bradbury’s blood running through my veins, and if I ever needed a reason why I wasn’t built for a committed relationship, that was it. My parents were worthless pieces of shit. Scum of the earth.
And the thought that I might be like either of them in any way had me keeping a safe distance from monogamy for as long as I could remember.
Especially when it came to Lennix. If there was one woman on the face of this earth who I wanted to keep safe from my toxic Bradbury blood, it was her.
She deserved so much more than I was capable of giving her.
I wasn’t worthy of all that goodness and light.
“So . . .” Toby finally spoke as the barn came into view. I’d felt his inquisitive stare burrowing into the side of my face since I caught up with him and knew it was only a matter of time before my silence got to be too much. “You gonna tell me who that hottie was back there?”
My back shot straight and my head whipped around in his direction. “Don’t call her a hottie,” I growled.
He shrugged a gangly shoulder. “Why not? It’s the truth. That chick was smokin’ hot.”
Christ, it was too damn early for this. “Don’t call her a chick, either. It’s disrespectful.”
Toby rolled his eyes to the heavens so dramatically I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning.
I’d known the kid for several months now, and he never failed to crack me up.
Some of the things he said made him seem so much older than his twelve years, but then he’d say something that reminded you he was still just a kid.
I knew enough from having known Zach so long that being a foster kid forced you to grow up a hell of a lot faster than any child should have to, so I wanted to do everything in my power to let Toby be a typical twelve-year-old for as long as possible. It was the least the kid deserved.
After losing both his parents in a boating accident a little less than a year ago, he’d ended up at Hope House, the group home that Zach and Lennix’s parents, Rory and Cord, had established years ago.
After meeting Zach and learning what he’d been through, they wanted to make sure other kids had a safe, stable place to live that would give them all the tools they needed when it came time for them to go out into the world.
Toby had been quiet and withdrawn, refusing to come out of his shell no matter what Tessa, the director of Hope House, or the rest of the volunteers did to try and help him.
When she exhausted all the usual strategies they implemented to try and help the children who had closed themselves off, she called me and asked if I’d be willing to take part in Hope House’s mentoring program to try and help Toby heal.
I thought she’d lost her mind at first, and I’d said just as much. I was a single guy with a serious aversion to commitment. What the hell did I know about helping out a hurt, scared kid?
But she saw something in me that made her believe I’d be a good fit for him.
And as much as I doubted her, it turned out she was right.
The first time the boy had opened up to me, I’d been stunned speechless.
I had been scared to death I would do or say the wrong thing, cause more harm than good, but after a talk with Tessa, she’d guided me in the direction Toby needed me to go, and he’d been my little buddy ever since.
He laughed now. He joked and gave me shit just like I’d given my sister when I was his age.
He loved helping with my job as the excursion director for Second Hope Lodge, so I made sure to bring him to the ranch with me at least once a week, usually on Saturday or Sunday.
If there was one thing I knew, it was that the outdoors had a way of healing almost any wound.
When Toby needed calm and peace to shut out the rest of the world, I took him fishing.
When he needed to get out of his own head, we rode horses.
When he needed to talk, but also needed the freedom to come up with the words in his own time, I took him hiking.
Safe Haven Ranch was the perfect place for the kid. Just as it had been for me.
I lived by the motto that there wasn’t anything a little dirt, sweat, sunshine, and nature couldn’t cure.
Toby’s brows pulled together in a confused frown. “How is calling a girl a chick disrespectful?”
“I don’t know, kid. It just is.”
He thought on that for a moment. “So if you can’t call them chicks, what do you call them?”
“You call them women. Or ladies.”
“But not babes?”
I choked on my tongue. “No, you shouldn’t call them babes either.”
“Huh.” He stared off at the horizon, the gears in his little brain working overtime as our horses continued their sedate cantor toward the barn near the lodge. “And they like that? Bein’ respectful, I mean. Like, chi—I mean, ladies. They like it when a guy’s all respectful and stuff?”
Ah hell.
Why did the collar of my shirt suddenly feel too tight? “Uh, I guess,” I answered, hoping that would be the end of it. Of course, I wasn’t that lucky.
His expression grew contemplative for a second before his brows lowered over his eyes. “Then how come you were bein’ so nasty to that woman earlier?”
Fuck my life.
I’d only had one cup of coffee before heading out before the sun came up to get Toby from Hope House for the day.
School was on break for a week, and I thought it might be good for him to spend more time on the ranch, but I was really starting to question my sanity.
I wasn’t nearly caffeinated enough for this conversation, but it was my fault for starting shit with Lennix where he could hear.
Hell, it was my fault for starting shit with her at all. But it seemed I couldn’t help but press her buttons lately. Seeing her eyes flash with fire as she gave as good as she got did something to me. Fighting with her got my blood pumping.
I didn’t want to think too hard about the fact that I got turned on when she flipped me the bird earlier. Something was seriously wrong with my head. But damn if seeing that didn’t make me hard.
“Do me a favor, kid. Don’t act like me. Be better, yeah? I behaved like a di—jerk.”
Toby nodded his head. “You should bring cupcakes when you apologize.”
I let out a choked laugh. “What?”
“It’s what my dad always did whenever he made my mom mad.
” I went as still as possible in my saddle when Toby got quiet, a faraway look filling his eyes.
He didn’t talk much about his parents, but when he did, the hurt at losing them was still right there at the surface.
It gutted me every single time, and I would have given anything to take that pain away.
It was a cruel twist of fate, or karma being a bitch that the good ones like Toby’s parents were always the ones who were lost, while wastes of oxygen like mine got to walk the earth, free to spread their filth and misery.
“Sounds like your dad was a smart man.”
A tiny smile tugged at Toby’s face. “He was. He said it was risky to give a woman flowers, ’cause she might be allergic or something. But every woman in the world loves a cupcake.”
I smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair. “You know what? I think he might’ve been onto something.”
“My mom loved cupcakes. So she always forgave him. If your lady likes them too, no way she’d be able to stay mad at you if you brought her one and said you were sorry for bein’ a jerk.”
Christ, this kid could really undo me.
“You’re right that I need to apologize. But Lennix isn’t my lady. She’s just . . . a friend.” That word felt like a lie. After how things had been between us the past few months, I wasn’t sure we were still friends.
The worst part about it was that it was my own damn fault.
After the night of Zach and Rae’s reception, Lennix had done her best to put on a brave face and get things back to normal.
It was tense, sure. But we were slowly making our way back to what we’d been before.
Then she started dating. I knew how fucked up it was that seeing her with those other guys pissed me off.
I had no right being mad. She put it all out there, and I’d turned her down.
It was only logical she would eventually move on. But I couldn’t fucking stand it.
None of those losers who touched her or smiled at her or made her laugh deserved a second of her attention. She wasn’t mine to have. But the thought of another man claiming her made my blood boil, and I couldn’t act rationally.
Toby let out a cackle that filled the crisp morning air all around us. “Man, you really are dumb.”
My brows shot up toward my hairline. “Excuse me?”
“I know you said it’s disrespectful, but that woman was a total babe. If you don’t make her your girlfriend you’re an idiot.”
I could feel my expression fall into a scowl that bordered on a full-blow pout. “Things are . . . they’re more complicated than that. It’s not something you’d understand at twelve. It’s adult stuff.”
He let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, if you aren’t gonna make a move, I’m callin’ dibs.”
“You can’t call dibs on a woman!” I croaked. “That’s also disrespectful.”
“Whatever. You’re just mad ’cause I thought of it first. And ’cause you know there’s no way she’ll be able to resist me when I show her my moves.”
I barked out a laugh and shook my head in disbelief. “Whatever you say, kid. But I don’t think your moves are gonna do you much good when you stink like horse crap next time you see her. Because I’m makin’ you muck out all the stalls for the rest of the week.”
One corner of his mouth came up in a wonky grin. “Pfft. My moves are so good, she won’t even notice the smell.”