Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Raylan
Itried really hard not to overanalyze the relief I felt when, instead of taking a moment to lay on the charm, Hardin had taken one look at the injured puppy and rushed him straight back to the exam room as soon as we walked through the door.
I also couldn’t bring myself to question why every minute I spent with Lennix only left me wanting another.
And another. And another. I’d never had this kind of reaction to a woman before, never had someone burrow their way beneath my skin and make me consider things I wasn’t built for.
Some of my siblings had managed to dodge the Bradbury curse.
Gypsy and Marco were still as strong as ever.
My other sister Sunny was happy with her husband and kids.
Even my oldest brother Rhodes was settling down with the love of his life and her three kids.
I wanted that for them. I wanted all my brothers and sisters to be happy.
But I knew that wasn’t for me. There was something inside me that was tainted.
I could feel its insidious claws sinking into my skin. Making me just like him.
I never told anyone in my family, because I didn’t want to put the burden on their shoulders, but I’d found our lousy, piece-of-shit father several years back.
It was simply by chance that I ran into him at a casino in Las Vegas while I was in town for a buddy’s bachelor party.
As far as I knew, none of us had a clue where Danny and Peggy Bradbury had disappeared to when they bailed on us years ago, and none of us really cared.
But seeing him sitting at that blackjack table, his back and shoulders hunched, face hard and weathered like old shoe leather from years of bad living, I felt like I’d had the wind knocked right the hell out of me.
Something came over me and I wasn’t able to just walk away, to push him out of my head and get on with a weekend that was supposed to be all about fun.
Instead, I found myself confronting him.
Stomping over to his sorry ass and ripping him off the stool by the frayed collar of his tattered shirt.
The man looked like he’d lived the shitty life he so deserved, but I didn’t take the opportunity to bask in that fact because I was too busy demanding answers.
I needed to know where the hell they’d been, why they’d taken off without a word.
Had they ever even cared about us? Thought about us in all the years they’d been gone?
For some reason, my ire at encountering the father who had abandoned me and my siblings more than twenty years ago made the asshole laugh. My pain and anger were humorous to him. He got off on my misery.
“You’re just like me, boy,” he’d spit out, his lips curving into a grin that showcased yellowed and missing teeth.
For some reason, hearing that made me snap, and I drove my fist into the fucker’s face.
“Chip off the old block,” he’d cackled as security intervened, pulling me off the miserable piece of shit.
“Like lookin’ into a mirror when I was your age,” he continued to heckle as I fought to get in another blow, needing to exorcize the pain inside me.
And the only way I knew how to do that was with violence.
“Take a good look, son. This is what your future looks like,” he shouted as I was dragged out of the casino.
“This is what you got to look forward to.”
I never spoke about what happened that day with anybody, never told a single one of my siblings that I’d seen our father.
But his words had burrowed into my brain and taken root, making themselves at home.
Any time I ever felt myself getting close to someone, those vile words would pop back up, reminding me of what I had to look forward to, until the day finally came where I decided that I was never going to leach that poison into anyone else.
It hadn’t been hard, honestly. There wasn’t much temptation for me to settle down. At least not until Lennix grew up. Now my head was a fucking mess. It felt like every day was a struggle to keep her safe from the ugliness inside me that I inherited from my piece-of-shit father.
I would never be like him in that sense. I would never abandon my family. Because I would never have one. The risk was just too great. But fuck, Chaos made me want. And it was that wanting that was so dangerous.
We’d been in the empty waiting room for forty-five minutes, and Lennix hadn’t been able to sit still the whole time.
She alternated between pacing the length of the linoleum floor and bouncing her knee a mile a minute when she did attempt to sit down.
That big heart of hers had latched onto that little puppy, and she was worrying herself sick.
“Everything’s going to be all right,” I finally said. I wasn’t sure how much more of her pacing I could take. She was starting to give me motion sickness. “Hardin will fix the little guy right up.”
For as good a flirt as he was, he was an even better vet. There was a reason he’d gotten into this line of work, and if there was anyone who had a bigger heart than Lennix when it came to animals, it was Hardin.
“I know. I’m just so mad.” She spun around to face me, her eyes flashing with fire that made the deep forest green look as bright as summer grass.
“How could someone do that to a poor, helpless little puppy? Just dump him out in the wild like he doesn’t matter?
Like he isn’t a living, breathing thing just as deserving of love and care as you and me? ”
The anger in her gaze gave way to tears as her heart broke for the animal.
I stood and closed the distance between us, reaching out to rub her arms in an attempt to offer comfort.
“Some people suck, Lenni. It’s an unfortunate truth, but the truth none the less.
But for every shitty human being out there, there’s someone like you who just wants to do good.
Who helps where it’s needed. Whoever dumped that dog will get what’s coming to them eventually.
In the meantime, Hardin is going to get him back into fighting shape.
And if I know you, I know that little guy in there just scored himself the best home he could ever ask for. ”
She sniffled, blinking the tears away before they could fall. Thank Christ, because I’d never been good when it came to women’s tears. Which made growing up with three sisters a goddamn nightmare sometimes.
I watched as determination washed over her, steeling her spine to reveal the fierce woman I knew her to be.
“You’re right. He’s going to be fine. And whoever dumped him on our ranch better pray I never find them.”
I smiled down at her, running my palms from her biceps to her wrists, giving them a gentle squeeze. “There’s the Chaos I know.”
Her brows lowered as her head cocked to the side. “Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you hated me.”
That statement caught me off guard, causing my chin to jerk back.
I knew I’d been an ass recently, but I didn’t realize my behavior made Lennix think I hated her.
We’d been friends most of our lives and discovering that the past few months had made her believe something so wrong was like a knife to the heart. And I had no one to blame but myself.
“Christ, Lennix. No. I don’t hate you.” My fingers tightened around her wrists as I fought my body’s desire to pull her into me. To feel all those soft, round feminine curves against my hard planes. “I could never hate you.” Even if I wanted to. Even if it was for her own good.
Her confusion deepened. “I-I don’t understand. Then why—”
The door to the back swung open before she could get her whole question out. One glance at Hardin as he walked out, pulling off his black nitrile gloves and tossing them in a nearby trashcan as he passed it, and I was all but forgotten.
She hurried toward him, pulling out of my grasp and leaving my hands feeling uncomfortably empty.
“How is he? Is he going to be okay?” she rushed out, the words all running together.
“Whoa, easy there, honey.” There were so many things that happened just then, from the way he smiled that stupid, straight white smile at her, to the way he reached out and caressed her shoulder, to the way he called her honey, that had me itching to knock a few of his teeth loose.
He wouldn’t be so handsome without those front teeth. But I managed to beat back that urge.
“Take a breath before you pass out. The little guy is going to be just fine.”
Her shoulders sank with relief and she let out a sigh so big it sounded like she was releasing a massive weight that had been sitting on her chest since finding that dog.
I came up beside her, standing closer than necessary, and by the grin that asshole shot my way, he’d noticed. I had no doubt he’d give me shit for it as soon as he had the chance, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.
I’d been out at The Tap Room a while back with Hardin, my brother, Rhodes, and another friend of ours, Tristan, when they caught me watching Lennix with a level of interest I hadn’t been able to hide.
They didn’t hesitate to call my ass out, getting a good laugh at my expense.
None of them said so, but I had a feeling they didn’t believe me when I insisted I wasn’t interested in her.
Ever since, I’d been extra cautious not to get caught looking again, but in that moment I was too caught up in the way Lennix clasped her hands in front of her and the hope swimming in those deep green eyes to keep that mask of indifference in place.
“Thank God.”