Chapter 34
34
A s I walk down Valeria’s drive, I tug my phone from my pocket.
I trusted him .
“Essie,” Adrian calls out to my back.
My hand shakes when I hold my phone to my face to unlock it. I walk faster down the driveway and send a voice message to River, asking him to pick me up.
“Let me explain,” Adrian shouts, chasing me.
“Stay away from me,” I yell over my shoulder. “Please tell everyone I had a family emergency and had to leave. River is picking me up.”
Adrian jogs until he’s in front of me. He walks backward, facing me while I make my way down the sidewalk.
I shake my head, tears burning in my eyes. “How long did you know about Earl and my car accident before I told you? You even visited him in prison. That man ruined my life, scarred me, and now, you’re helping him?”
Adrian continues walking backward. “I looked over his case and met with him once . All before?—”
“Exactly!” I cut him off. “ Before . You should’ve told me the moment you knew I was involved. ”
“I won’t work with him.”
“You think this is about you working with him? You lied to me!”
The distrust is rooted there now.
It can’t be pulled.
“Essie,” he pleads.
I hold up my hand when he attempts to come closer. “Don’t. I need to process this.”
Adrian slumps his shoulders. “Let me take you home at least.”
I check my phone when it vibrates.
River: I’m at Down Home. Checked your location on your phone. Be there in 3 min.
Everyone in our circle has location share on our phones.
“River is on his way,” I tell Adrian, walking in the direction of downtown. The faster I get to River, the faster I get out of continuing this conversation.
“I don’t want to lose you again,” Adrian says, smacking his hand across his chest. “I can’t lose you again.”
“The trust is gone. Years ago, you disappeared on me.” I stop walking, as if letting these words out need my full attention. “Now, you hide this. You’re just not honest.”
“You can always trust me. Please , let me drive you home, and we can talk.”
With perfect timing, River pulls up next to us in his black BMW.
I immediately open the door, peer at Adrian for a moment, and get in.
Adrian turns, facing us, and his pained eyes are on mine as we drive away.
“What happened?” River asks.
“If I tell you, promise you won’t turn around and do something stupid?”
He only stares at me with curiosity, not promising anything .
Knowing my brother, I figure he won’t agree to that promise.
I blow out a long breath. “Adrian’s mom works at the Prison Exoneration Program.”
“Shit,” River hisses through suddenly clenched teeth.
“And she asked Adrian to help with his case.”
“To which Adrian said no?” He brakes at a stop sign.
I shake my head. “He looked at the case and visited Earl.”
“What are you going to do?” He keeps driving. “What’s he going to do?”
“He said he’d tell his mom he didn’t want to help, but he’d already involved himself. I told him what happened, and he sat there, acting like he had no idea.” I cross my arms, a pang in my chest. “Other than a therapist, he’s the only person I’ve told who didn’t know from the beginning.”
River switches his hands on the steering wheel to settle one on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sis. I really am.” He peers down at his lap and shakes his head. “Fuck, I wish this’d never happened to you.”
“It was a reality check that I need to prepare myself in case Earl is released.”
My phone vibrates.
A text from Adrian.
It vibrates with another text.
I don’t open them.
Instead, I turn off my phone.
When I get home, I pour myself a glass of wine and make a bowl of popcorn.
It’s sad I never got the chance to finish Valeria’s dinner.
I feel my stomach grumble, just thinking of it.
When we got home, River asked me if I wanted company, but I told him no. I need time to clear my head and decide what to say to Adrian. I can’t ignore him, but I also can’t forget what he did.
Some might not think it’s a big deal, but it is to me.
I turn on my Heartbreak playlist and drink one, then two, then three glasses of red wine and eat half a bowl of popcorn. Then, in slow movements, I grab my phone, turn it on, and read Adrian’s texts.
Adrian: I’m so sorry. Let me explain myself.
Adrian: Pls hear me out.
Adrian: What I did was messed up. I should’ve told you.
Adrian: 5 minutes. Give me 5 minutes.
I hit the Reply button.
Me: 5 minutes. You can come here.
There.
That’s me being the responsible adult.
I chug the rest of my wine and pour myself another.
Adrian knocks on the door. I inch back my curtain, seeing him shift from one foot to the other on my welcome mat that says Cute shoes .
My heart pounds as I open the door.
He raises his head and stands there, waiting for an invite in.
I backtrack a step, allowing him space, and he shuts the door behind him.
Music continues to play in the background, and the song changes to “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi.
Great, way to set the depressing mood .
The last time we fell apart was different.
It was created by missed calls and texts.
Nothing face-to-face .
He follows me into the living room. I take the couch, and he sits in the chair.
“Essie, I fucked up,” he says, scrubbing a hand over his face. His eyes are watery when he stares back at me. “I should’ve told you from the beginning, but we were finally in a good place, somewhere I’d dreamed we’d be for years. I was scared to ruin it.”
I feel my pulse running wild. “You didn’t think I’d eventually find out?”
“I knew you would. I just …” A stressed breath leaves him. “I didn’t think it’d happen how it did.”
“Do you remember the night I went to River’s dorm? The first night we hung out.”
He nods.
“I suffered from flashbacks of the accident, but they’d come and go. The night I came to your dorm, they’d returned, and I hadn’t slept in days. I came looking for my brother, but that search led me to you. Our relationship and late-night conversations became my peace. I never thought you’d end up helping the person who’d stolen it to begin with.”
Adrian flinches at my last sentence. “I’m sorry, Essie. I messed up. I’ll completely clear myself from the case,” he says in a low tone, bowing his head.
We’re both quiet for a moment.
I frown. “You can’t pick and choose when to be honest, Adrian. Trust in a relationship is all or nothing with me.”
He raises his chin, meeting my eyes in anguish. “Please?—”
“The damage is done,” I say, talking over him and shaking my head.
“Essie,” he pleads again, pain in his eyes. He stands, drops to his knees in front of me, and takes my hand in his. “Give me another chance.”
He weaves our hands together and rests his head in my lap. The cords stand out in his neck, and his Adam’s apple bobs .
I slowly pull away from him, finger by finger. “I don’t trust you.”
“Let me prove it to you.”
“I need time,” I whisper. “And I need for you to please leave.”
He nods, his shoulders slumping as he stands. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll become a better man for you, Essie. I swear it.”
I don’t say a word as he leaves.
River answers his door on my first knock.
“You ready to get whooped?” I ask, holding up my bedazzled controller.
He opens up the door wider and gestures for me to come in. “Don’t forget who’s the pro here, Sis.”
We haven’t gamed together for years.
It used to be a regular thing for us, but then college and law school happened. I lost myself to studies and then working at the firm.
River’s pool house—he refuses to call it a cottage—smells like incense and cedar. The layout is like mine, but that’s where the similarities end. The vibe of his is what you’d see if you searched for homes with a Silicon Valley—slash—gaming aesthetic.
Movie and game posters hang on the walls. A bookcase is filled with high-end controllers and different gaming systems. A long desk along the wall has four computer screens.
A sectional is in the middle of the living room, but two gaming chairs are settled in front of us, closer to the TVs. Yes, he has two, side by side.
Gaming isn’t only River’s job. It’s also his passion.
He’d code and game even if he wasn’t paid for it .
Like me, he can afford to move into his own place, but he’s stayed here.
Some might say it’s time for us to cut the umbilical cord, but free rent in this economy? Who’d say no to that?
He shuts the door and strolls toward the fridge. “You want something to drink?”
I plop down on a gaming chair. “What do you have that’ll make me feel nothing?”
“Beer, whiskey, vodka if you want something to make you forget your problems. I have some CBD drinks or gummies if you want to relax.”
“I’ll take forget my problems for a hundred, please.”
“Got it.” He salutes me, opens a cabinet, and pours us Cherry Coke and vanilla vodkas.
I snatch the remote.
He snags a bag of Cheetos from the counter, gripping them in his teeth, and delivers our drinks to the table between the two gaming chairs.
“What game do you want to play?” He plops down on a gaming chair and opens the Cheetos.
“You pick.” I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t even know what’s popular anymore.”
“Want to try our new game? It’s still the beta version, but so far, I’d say it’s near goddamn perfect.”
“Sounds good to me.” I sip my drink and pinch my lips as the alcohol slips down my throat.
He spends the next ten minutes explaining the game before pouring us refills.
I’ve never been good at drunk gaming.
But at this rate, it’s not my goal to win.
My goal is to forget about Adrian.
River, on the other hand, can win, even when practically passed out.
I study the remote as he starts the game.
“Sooo …” He draws out the word like an entire sentence. “Ar e we back to hating Adrian? I need you to send me updated alerts on who we do and don’t like.”
“We’re back to not liking him,” I declare, side-eyeing him. “ Obviously , considering I told you his mother works at the program that’s helping Earl.”
He blows out a long breath and lays the remote on his lap. “I don’t get why people have such a hard time with just being honest. Lies and secrets will always catch up to you.”
“Cowardness,” I mutter, slumping in my chair.
“The downfall of many.”
“Why are men so dumb?”
He scoots his chair closer to mine to wrap me in his arms. “I wish I could answer that for you, but unfortunately, as a man, I fit into the dumb category.”
I sniffle before laughing. “I can’t believe you just called yourself dumb.”
“Nah, it’s a fact. Ava showed me reports about it.” He kisses the top of my head. “Now, that’s not to say it’s an excuse for Adrian’s dumbass mistake. He needs to be held responsible for that.”
“I’m glad I came over tonight,” I murmur as he pulls away.
“Me too. I might be too dumb to give advice—because of the whole being a guy thing—but I’ll always be here to make you laugh.” He stops to show his muscles. “Or fight, if you decide you want me to kick Adrian’s ass.”
I grab a Cheeto from the bag and toss it at him. “You only want to punch him so you can break your hand, go to the hospital, and have Ava treat you.”
“How the hell did you come up with that conclusion?”
“You’re my twin. I know you too well.”
He takes the Cheeto I threw at him from his lap and eats it.
We play video games for the rest of the night.
It’s nice, video-gaming with my brother and forgetting boys exist … at least temporarily.