Chapter 40
40
M y decision-making skills should be heavily evaluated.
I’m inviting Adrian back into my bed.
The man who broke my heart.
This is a very, very bad idea.
My excuse? It’d have been rude if I made him sleep on the couch when I had plenty of room in my bed. My mom has always said to treat houseguests well.
Plus, he’d probably snore, keeping Tucker awake, who really needs his rest to heal.
My feet pad against the floor, a rush hitting me as Adrian follows me to my bedroom.
He stands in the doorway, waiting for me to change my mind.
The lamp on my nightstand and the TV—volume turned low—are the only light sources.
I open a drawer, snag a tee, and toss it at him. “Put this on.”
He catches the tee, holding it up. “Do you think this’ll fit me? I’d be better off grabbing my shirt from the living room.”
“No way. Outside clothes are not allowed in the bed. It’s an unwritten rule I abide by seriously.”
“Do you have anything sexier I can wear then? ”
I roll my eyes.
“Blue tie-dye isn’t exactly my color.”
I roll my eyes again, more dramatically this time.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” He motions toward me.
“Uh, yes?” I tug at the bottom of my tank. “What’s wrong with this?”
“Babe, not that I’m complaining, but your shorts show half your ass.”
“And?” I definitely chose these pajama shorts to mess with him.
Look what you’re missing.
Look what you messed up.
“Does that mean I get shorts that show half my ass?”
“You’re in your boxers!” I throw out my arms toward him. “I see more than half your junk.”
He smiles, and as if his cock appreciated my comment, I notice it twitch beneath his briefs.
He whistles. “I think he knows you’re talking about him.”
“Oh my God. Please never refer to your cock as he again.”
“Do you have a better nickname?” He leans against the doorframe.
“No!”
“You’ve seen him before. I think you’re qualified to grant him a nickname.”
“I swear, I’m losing brain cells having this conversation.”
He strolls into my bedroom, drops my shirt on the dresser, and pats the bed. “All right, I’ll let you sleep on the nickname thing tonight, and you can tell me tomorrow.”
I hold my thumb and pointer finger a few inches apart, and my voice suddenly sounds hoarse. “You’re this close to getting kicked out of my bedroom.”
He chuckles. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”
I watch him, wishing I had some regret for letting him into my bedroom, but I don’t.
He pulls back the blankets that aren’t turned down. Making himself comfortable in the same spot he used to sleep, he waits for me to join him. When I don’t, he pats the bed again.
I tiptoe back to the bed and slide underneath the covers. His body heat next to mine instantly relaxes me.
We make ourselves comfortable, and when he wraps me in his arms, I don’t stop him.
Instead, I snuggle in closer.
I don’t wake up with regret for inviting Adrian into my bed.
I do wake up feeling Adrian’s erection pressing against my ass though.
Memories of us in my bed swarm my thoughts.
Us naked, touching, making love .
It all felt so perfect then.
Just like last night, I’m ready to make another bad decision.
I want this man more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
I try to stupidly convince myself it’s just sex I want, but that’s so wrong.
This morning, though, I’ll pretend.
Biting on my lip, I grind my ass against him.
He stirs behind me, not fully waking.
I do it again, harder this time.
Heat travels through my veins when a moan escapes him.
I feel the rumble from his chest vibrate against my back.
Groaning, he tightens his arms around my waist and jerks me closer.
I shudder as he runs his tongue along the lobe.
“Are you sure you want this?” he whispers in my ear.
I’m not exactly sure what this he’s referring to. But right now, I’ll take anything, so long as he’s touching me.
“Yes.” Moaning, I lick my lips and grind against him again. “But I want us to do it like this. ”
We need to stay in this position. I’m afraid if I look at him in the face, I’ll break down.
He lowers his hand down my stomach, underneath my shorts, and cups my pussy. “So wet,” he murmurs. “So wet for me.”
His hand doesn’t stay inside my panties long.
I frown at the loss, and just as I’m about to complain, he curls my leg around his thigh.
“Much better,” he grumbles, his hand immediately returning to my panties.
I throw my head back, resting it against his shoulder while he slowly draws his finger through my wetness.
He does it so teasingly.
Torturously.
This man won’t make this easy on me this morning.
“Please,” I beg, lowering my hand and gripping his wrist.
He doesn’t allow my attempt at controlling his speed.
Instead, like the pain in the ass he is, he moves slower.
“Please what?” he finally asks, sinking a thick finger inside me.
“You know,” I mutter. “Please.”
“Please do this ?” Adjusting himself, he thrusts another finger inside me.
I feel so damn full.
The angle is awkward.
I can tell he’d rather us be in a different position, but he’s making it work.
He’s giving me what I want.
“Yes,” I cry out. “ That .”
He manages to slide another finger inside me. His other hand trails up my stomach to cup my breast, rubbing his palm against my sensitive nipple.
My body shakes as he fingers me.
His pace moves from slow, to fast, to slow.
Gentle yet so damn intense .
I wiggle my ass against him.
His cock grows harder.
Jerking against my ass, as if begging for its own release.
My pussy is so wet that I can hear his every movement.
His thumb massages my clit, and it doesn’t take long for euphoria to flow through my body. I feel heavy against the mattress yet light at the same time—as if I weigh nothing.
No. No. Stupid body .
I want this to last longer.
I want this to last forever.
“Let go,” Adrian says, nearly panting. “Let it out, baby.”
Even though I don’t want it to end yet, my body listens to him, unable to take it anymore.
I whimper, hardly able to breathe, and he quickens his pace, moving relentlessly.
His hand on my nipple, his thumb on my clit, and his fingers inside me send me into overdrive. There’s no fighting it any longer.
I dig my nails into his wrist as pleasure shoots through me.
My body shakes.
He groans, his teeth grazing my ear.
I wish I could see the expression on his face.
Wish I could see how turned on he looks when touching me.
All my nerve endings come alive, and I moan his name as I come undone.
His hand leaves my shirt, and he grabs my tangled hair in his hand, pulling my head back to devour my mouth.
“Let me move us, baby,” he says, sucking on my neck. “I promise, in a different position, I’ll make you feel even better.”
“Yes,” I gasp, still coming down from my high but wanting more. “But only if you’re inside me in the next three seconds.”
“I can do that.” He chuckles, rolling us over.
Suddenly having no patience, I push his briefs down in the process .
But then I press a hand to his chest, stopping him.
He raises a brow, his briefs caught at the knees.
“I want to do it this way.” I flip onto my stomach.
Adrian, getting the hint, helps pull me to my knees.
We’ve done it missionary.
In the shower.
But we’ve never done it like this.
I want all my firsts with him since I’m unsure if we’ll have any more seconds or thirds. This might be the last time we touch each other.
“Jesus,” he hisses. On his knees behind me, he runs his hand along my spine, tracing it down my back. “God, you’re beautiful from every single angle. I wish I could worship your body every second of every day.”
I stick my ass up farther in the air. “Then, worship me, Adrian.”
He grips my hips, holding me in place with one hand, and holds his cock with the other. I wiggle in anticipation, waiting, and my hands go to the headboard when he thrusts inside me.
My entire body inches up the bed.
I move against him, meeting him thrust for thrust, coming more alive with each one.
He fills me up perfectly.
Fucks me perfectly.
We find our rhythm.
My face hits the pillow and headboard, but I don’t give a shit.
He suddenly stops.
I peer back at him over my shoulder.
“Shit,” he hisses, slowly pulling out. “I forgot a condom.”
I shake my head, hair falling in my face. “We forgot a condom.”
“No, it’s my dick. My responsibility.” His forehead creases in concern. “I should’ve been more responsible.”
“Keep going,” I plead. “I’m on the pill. I’m clean. ”
“So am I.” His chest heaves as his breathing grows heavier and heavier.
I push my ass out. “Then, get back inside me.”
I don’t have to ask him twice.
He pushes my hips up farther, sliding against the sheets closer, and rams his cock inside me.
This time, he’s not as gentle as before.
“I love fucking you bare,” he says between pants.
“Yes,” I say, struggling to balance myself on my elbows.
“I can feel every inch of you, Essie. Can you feel me?”
I tuck my head into the pillow. “Yes, every single one . Please keep giving it to me.”
“Fuck yeah,” he grunts before smacking my ass.
This Adrian is a different Adrian than I’m used to.
He’s usually gentle with me during sex.
But I like this.
I like him taking control.
It doesn’t take long for pleasure to override me again.
“I’m there,” I yell, attempting to look at him, but he’s fucking me too hard. “FYI, I’m about to become useless.”
“Let yourself go,” Adrian says. “I’ll do all the work.”
Our moans are loud.
Sweat covers my sheets.
The sound of his body smacking against mine nearly sounds like porn.
Each pant of his is raspy and strained.
They get harsher each time, along with his movements.
My knees weaken, and he holds me up as I nearly collapse onto the bed.
I fall apart beneath him, and he keeps fucking me.
And fucking me.
And fucking me.
My head spins until, suddenly, he freezes behind me.
“Where do you want me to come, Essie?”
“Huh? ”
“Where do you want me to come? I’ll pull out.”
“No!” I yell. “Come inside me.”
I also want this first to be with him.
“Fill me with your cum, Adrian.”
A long groan, along with my name, falls from his lips.
His body shakes behind me, and even though I might be exaggerating, I swear I feel his cum release inside me.
Then, slowly, he pulls us down and helps me to my back.
I attempt to catch my breath, but I am unable to speak.
Resting his arm over my stomach, he runs his thumb over my scars.
Massaging them.
It’s relaxing, and my eyes flutter shut. I’m ready for a nap.
“Come on,” he finally whispers. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He helps me out of bed, my hair a hot mess, and we walk to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I don’t want it to seem like I’m giving you mixed signals. I just got so caught up this morning.”
I’m also in love with you , is what I want to say.
That’s why I begged you to touch me, to fuck me, to come in me.
I want every part of you.
I’m too scared to tell him that, though.
This will only end one way—heartbreak.
There’s this broken part of my heart that can’t trust him.
Adrian grasps my waist, pulls me up, and settles me on the bathroom counter. “Baby, you don’t have to explain yourself to me or anyone.” He smooths his hand over my knotty hair. “It’s okay. I won’t hold you to thinking this is anything more than you want it to be.” He plants a careful kiss on my lips. “I’m playing by your rules here.”
I look down at my feet. “I wish you’d played them before you hurt me.”
“I didn’t mean to,” he says, his voice scratchy. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did. ”
“I’m sorry,” he pleads. “Give me another chance.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you,” I whisper.
“Tell me what to do to earn back that trust.”
“I honestly don’t know that either.”
He sighs, resting his forehead against mine. “I’ll find it. I’ll make it up to you, Essie. Let me prove to you I’m trustworthy enough for your love.”