Chapter 14 – Kylie
fourteen
Kylie
I stand here in front of Knox. With him looking like a fucking GQ model who just walked off the runway.
I was irritated and annoyed with myself when I looked up and saw him, my heart speeding up a bit from seeing him.
It’s been a month. I’ve avoided all dinners with Kirby and Lexi when they would go out with friends, because he was the last person I wanted to see.
“Again,” I look at him, “I have no idea what you are talking about, so you are going to have to tell me what you mean.”
I can see his jaw get tight and I know he’s pissed. “Stay away from my kids.” The minute he says that I swallow down the lump formed in my throat. “The last thing they need is someone who is being nice to them just because she wants their father’s cock.”
The minute he says those words, I step forward and look up at him.
“Wow.” I try not to say anything I’m going to regret but after what he just said, fuck that.
“You really think that highly of yourself? One, the last thing I want is their father’s mediocre cock.
” I glare at him. “And two, I’m guessing they take after their mother where their manners are concerned because they are definitely nothing like their father.
” I can see something in his eyes change.
“Thank God for that.” I turn around and head over to Nora.
“I’m going to go,” I tell her. “Thanks for coloring with me.” I’m not going to be mean to her because her father is the biggest asshole on the planet.
“Nora,” he says her name, “let’s go.”
“Okay, Daddy,” she replies sweetly, and again, I think there is no way this man could have made someone so sweet. He walks over to Westley and Vincent, who look up at him.
“Thanks for watching them, Lexi.” His tone is totally unlike it was with me. “I owe you.”
“It’s always fun when I get to hang with your kiddos,” she says to him. “Even Nora, who told me that I don’t color in the lines.”
“You didn’t,” Nora tells her. “Kylie is a bit better.”
“Let’s go,” he says to his boys and walks out with the three of his kids.
“Where is your brother?” Lexi asks. “I’m exhausted and hungry.”
I try to tone down my anger and think of something else. “I told you to eat when I was eating.” I sit down on the couch next to her. “But you were adamant about waiting for Kirby.”
“It’s a thing we do.” She smiles. “I always wait for him to eat after the games.”
“Gag me,” I joke with her and then look up when Kirby comes waltzing in, followed by Jaxon.
“Ariella just left,” Lexi states, getting up. “She said she’s waiting for you in the car. Jagger was falling asleep, and she didn’t want to wake him.”
“Thanks,” Jaxon replies and holds up his hand that is holding a Gatorade bottle. “See you guys later.”
“Bye,” we say and Lexi gets off the couch and goes to Kirby.
“That was a fun game.” She wraps her arms around his neck.
“It was okay.” I stand up. “You were a bit rusty.” He looks over at me and laughs. “There was one play you definitely should have gotten a penalty,” I tell him, grabbing my purse and placing it around my body. “You’re lucky the ref didn’t see it.”
“Did you guys eat?” Kirby asks, sliding his hand in Lexi’s as we walk out of the room and head down to his SUV. I make a mental note to never come here with them again. Instead, I’ll bring my own car and leave when I want to and hopefully avoid seeing Knox.
“I did,” I tell him as we walk out of the suite and head to the elevators, “but your future bride…” I point to her. “She was waiting for you.”
“What do you want to eat?” he asks her after pressing the down button on the elevator.
“Burgers,” she decides, “onion rings—”
“Milkshake,” I cut in and they look at me.
“What? I have to come with you guys, so I might as well get a milkshake out of it.”
They laugh as I walk with them to the parking garage, trying not to let Knox’s words get to me. Trying to push them to the back of my mind, until I’m in the safety of my own house and I can break down.
I get into the back seat of the SUV and look out the window as we drive to the small diner we usually hit up after the games. I order a milkshake and steal a French fry from Kirby and an onion ring from Lexi.
They drop me off at my apartment and I get out, waving them goodbye before walking in. I head up to my apartment and open the door, seeing the light coming from the living room.
I kick off my sneakers at the front door before walking in and heading straight to my room, exhausted from pretending like Knox’s words didn’t get to me. I walk past the bed and into the walk-in closet. Slipping out of the jacket and hanging it up, I watch the first tear land on my foot.
“The last thing they need is someone who is being nice to them just because she wants their father’s cock.”
His voice comes into my brain louder and louder. I would never, and I mean never, use children to get to anyone. The thought alone sickens me, especially after everything I went through in my own childhood.
I walked into the suite before the game with Ariella and Lexi.
Nora was the first one to run up to us and shout Lexi’s name like they were long-lost friends reuniting after not seeing each other for years.
Lexi sang back and I smiled at the little girl.
The minute she looked at me, I knew exactly who her father was.
I didn’t need to see the number on the back of her jersey or the word Daddy written across it.
She was the spitting image of her father.
Or at least I thought she was until I met Vincent, and it was as if Knox literally cloned himself.
Westley was a good mixture of both, not that I knew what his ex-wife looked like, but he had similar features to his father.
“We are going to go down and get a puck,” she chirped happily, and I was drawn to her carefree manner.
“Hi,” I said to her when she looked over at me, “I’m Kylie.” I held up my hand.
“You’re pretty,” she said, and I couldn’t help the smile that filled my face.
“Not as pretty as you.” I took my finger and bopped her nose, making her laugh. She got down. When it was time to go and watch the guys skate around, I wanted to hang back,
but Nora came over to me. “It’s going to be fun, Kylie,” she assured me in her sweet voice, “and maybe Kirby will give you a puck.”
I held her hand as the babysitter followed behind us, and the minute Knox skated out, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Like something was on my chest and I was fighting for every single breath I was taking.
I turned away as quickly as I could before he looked our way, and then it happened.
Our eyes met and my breathing ultimately felt like it stopped.
“Fuck him,” I tell myself as I slip off my jeans and toss them into the laundry basket before taking off my shirt. I open my pajama drawer and pull out a pair of shorts and matching cami.
I turn off the lights and slip into the bed. The heavy duvet is over me as I lay my head on the pillow and look over at the window in my bedroom. The skyline is filled with stars and the moon looks like it’s barely there.
Another tear leaks out as it falls to my pillow, and it’s not Knox’s voice I hear this time. No, it’s a voice I’ve long since deemed the devil’s.
I had just turned seventeen and it was going to be a big year for me. I was graduating a full year early and, on top of that, it was the year I would finally be coming out as a debutante.
It was something I was looking forward to since I turned twelve and my friend Silvia’s sister, Simone, did it.
I couldn’t fucking wait. Every single year it was a countdown to the big ball.
My mother knew how excited I was, and my father, well my stepfather who adopted me after he married my mother when I was young, knew how excited I was too.
I had a whiteboard in my room with the types of dresses I wanted to get. The way I wanted my hair styled.
I walked into his home office as he sat behind his big wooden desk. “Hey, Dad,” I said, knocking on the door before I stepped in. No one just barged into an office unless they were raised in a barn and had no manners. Or at least that is what I was taught.
“You may enter,” he said, taking off his glasses and turning in his chair. “What can I do for you?” He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. He never greeted me with a smile or a hug, something I didn’t know wasn’t normal.
“I wanted to ask you…” I said, suddenly feeling nervous. “Well, actually—” I put my hands in front of me and wrung them. “I was wondering if you gave some thought to who you could ask to nominate me to the debutante committee.”
He looked at me. “The debutante committee,” he repeated the words as if he had never heard them before. Like I hadn’t spent the last five years leading up to this moment.
“I’m seventeen now,” I remind him, “and it’s—” I stopped talking when he held up his hand.
“Kylie,” he said my name, “how would it look if my daughter is among all those other girls?” He looked at me and I felt my heart drop to the floor. “It would look like we are desperate for approval. My daughter isn’t going to be like all the rest.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” I shook my head. “It’s what all the girls do.”
“It’s not what my girl does,” he said, and I felt the tears coming. Felt them itching at my eyes, stinging at my nose, but I fought them, because tears were a waste of time and energy. You needed to put that time and energy into something else that was more important.
“Kylie,” he tapped his finger on the desk, “you stand out already.” I had to bite my lip to make it stop quivering. “Everyone already says you light up a room when you enter it. I’m the envy of all my friends. You don’t need a debutante ball for that.”
“But—”
“Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t do it?” he countered. “It would get them way more interested in who you are than if you did it. It’s meaningless.” I swallowed down the lump. “You need to focus on school.”
“I’m already graduating a year early and with honors.”
“You need to make sure you get that valedictorian achievement.” I nodded my head. “That is what we should be focusing on, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I agreed with him.
“That’s my girl,” he said with a smile. “Now close my door on the way out.”
I turned and started to walk out. “I’m glad you decided against that ridiculous ball thing.” I reached for the handle of the door. “It’s a much better look being the valedictorian than a debutante, don’t you think?”
“Yes, Father,” I replied softly, turning to see him pick up his glasses and put them back on.
“Love you, Kylie,” he said the words and for the first time, I didn’t repeat it back.
I walked into my room and that was the day my house of cards started to crumble.
It was that day when I knew, love was not something that you could be freely given.
I knew love was only given when I did something that he accepted.
I knew love was something I hadn’t been truly given in my whole life, and I knew it was not something I ever wanted to find or get.
Because it meant sacrificing the things you wanted.
The things you chose for yourself. If you found love, then you had the chance of it being ripped away from you.
And that hurt more than not having it at all.
It was also the day I started to break free from the hold he had on me.
I shielded myself and made sure no one knew what made me happy.
No one knew what I really wanted or needed so that it couldn’t be taken away.
I put on a smile and pretended. The facade of it all.
The facade that we had the perfect family.
I wipe the tear away, and turn on my back, grabbing the remote from the side of my bed, ignoring the loneliness that had seeped in tonight.
“Tomorrow will be a new day and it will be better.” I turn the television on and flip through the guide to the streaming service, falling asleep to a documentary about whales. “Tomorrow,” I repeat to myself.