Chapter 28 – Kylie
twenty-eight
Kylie
I look out the window as we drive away from the retreat. “The first sign I see for food I’m stopping,” Knox declares, and I laugh at him.
“I can’t believe you drank that celery juice this morning.”
“I was starving,” he defends. “I was hoping it would taste semi-good.”
“And what did it taste like?” I turn my back to the door, watching him.
“Like lemon juice and celery water.” He shakes his head as he makes a sour face. “I’m never, ever going anywhere ever again unless I get all the details,” he says, “but I will say I’d like to do that reformer thing again.”
“Pilates,” I tell him. “It’s a great workout, does the whole core.”
He nods his head and puts his hand over my leg and again I hold it as we drive away from the retreat. The last two days have been a bit of mixed emotions for me as I tried to navigate through whatever it is that is happening between us.
Last night he was asking me questions I wasn’t even sure I wanted to answer.
I have never been with someone who wanted to ask me those questions.
It made me see that all of the relationships I had were very superficial.
They were relationships based on being cordial with the other person and then maybe leading to sex.
Sometimes there wasn’t even sex. I never, ever let anyone in, and I know why.
Deep down, I know the reason I didn’t let anyone else in was because I knew their love would come with strings.
There is no way love is just given without anything in return, and I had nothing to give anyone.
I didn’t want their love and I didn’t want to give them mine.
“So you want to come over to my house tonight?” he asks me, and I turn my head from the window to him. “I don’t have the kids.”
“I should get home,” I reply, even though my heart wants to go to his house. “I have work tomorrow.” I am almost tempted to ask him to come over to my house instead, but he just smiles and nods at me as he focuses on the road in front of him.
He is not joking about stopping for food, as he gets off at the exit that has a Burger King as soon as we see a sign. “I’m having a double,” he announces and I laugh at him. “What do you want?”
We sit in his SUV eating our Whoppers with cheese and bacon, the whole time neither of us saying a word to each other. “This has to be the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life,” he declares after three bites.
“You said my pussy was.” I take a French fry out of the bag. “You lied.”
“This is the best thing I’ve chewed and swallowed.” He winks at me. “Is that better?”
“It will do,” I reply, finishing my burger and then taking five long sips of the soda I ordered with my meal, something I haven’t done in the longest time.
He pulls up to my apartment building and I feel a sense of dread wash over me as I get out. He gets out also, opening the trunk door. “Well, this has been fun,” I say as he reaches for my bag and he laughs. I grab the bag from him. “Thank you for the invitation.”
“Thank you for not taking off on me in the middle of the night.” He wraps an arm around my waist.
“You put the keys in the safe and didn’t tell me the code,” I remind him, “and my phone had no service.” He smiles even bigger. “So in reality, you kept me hostage.”
“I would do it again,” he states, bending to kiss my lips. “I’ll call you later.”
“We just spent three days with each other.” I move out of his arms. “I think it’s okay if you call me tomorrow or even in seven business days.”
He laughs as I go in for one more kiss and then turn to walk into my building. I stand at the elevator and look over, seeing him standing there watching me. I hold up my hand when the elevator doors open, taking a step in.
My head is going around and around. It feels like one of those pictures of the tornados about to touch down. I push open my door and step in and head for the bedroom. Putting my bag down, I unpack it right away.
My mind is filled with him the whole time, and I admit to myself I really, really fucking like him. I take a shower, washing away the scent of the retreat and him from my body. Starting my laundry, I then check my emails. I put on a long silk robe while I catch up on work on the couch.
I get up when the washer beeps and then walk over to switch the load over. I’m walking back to the couch when there is a knock at the door. I look over and see that it’s just after six. The knock comes again. “Coming,” I call, walking toward the door, the robe flying open at my legs.
I open the door and stare, shocked to find Knox there.
“Hi,” he says, standing with a canvas bag in his hand, “I was going to cook dinner.” He comes in holding up the bag.
“But then I thought, you have to eat too.” I don’t say anything to him.
“And after the last couple of days, I owed you a proper meal.” He kisses my lips, and I still don’t say anything. “Plus, I sort of missed you.”
“You missed me?” I ask him, not sure if I heard him right.
“I know, I had no one tell me to shove anything up my ass for the last four hours, and I suddenly missed it.” I laugh at him and look down at my feet as he walks into the house and heads to the kitchen. “I got steak,” he says, putting the bag down on the counter, “and veggies.”
“You came to cook for me?” The tightness forms in my stomach. “Food?”
“Did you eat?” He looks around at my spotless kitchen and I shake my head.
“Then yeah, I’ll cook you food and then you can thank me.” He takes the things out of the bag.
“Thank you,” I say, not sure if I heard him properly.
“Yeah.” He starts to open my cabinets, taking out pans and putting them on the stove. “Are you working?” he asks over his shoulder and I nod. “Do you want to sit down and watch me, or go back to work?”
“I want to know what is going on right now,” I reply and he laughs.
“I’m cooking you dinner, well, us dinner, and then I’ve got to thank you for coming with me.”
“I’m still not doing anal.” I make the joke as I pull out the stool and watch him work in my kitchen. It takes him forty minutes to plate our steak and veggies, which is the most delicious meal I think I’ve had.
My phone dings the next day and when I open my eyes, he’s already out of bed, walking into the room with a cup of coffee.
“Here you go.” He puts it down on the table beside my bed, already dressed.
“I’m going to head out.” He bends to kiss my neck gently.
“I have the kids tonight and I leave tomorrow for a couple of days.”
“Okay,” I reply, blinking my eyes, “have fun.”
He laughs. “I’ll call you later.”
“I thought we discussed this.” He just kisses me again and I put my hand on his face.
“Have a good day.” He gets up and walks out of the room. I wait for the door to close and then look up at the ceiling.
I swallow down the lump in my throat before grabbing the coffee, knowing this has gone on a bit longer than it should have. I’m not sure what we’re doing and if I’m really even ready for something like this.
I pick up my phone and see there are a couple of messages that have come in from the girls.
Lexi:
Impromptu girls’ night. My house Saturday.
Ariella:
Me and the child will be in attendance.
Zoey:
I’m game.
Gabriella:
I wish, I’m not in town.
Me:
I’ll be there.
The office is quiet since Lexi is working from home.
I spend most of the day looking out of the window, thinking about what the fuck is happening right now in my life.
The conversation we had that night at the cabin plays over and over in my head.
It was the perfect time for me to tell him that I’m not ever going to get married or have children.
But instead, I chickened out and took the safe route.
I mean, I don’t think he wants to get married anyway, but he definitely is a relationship kind of guy, and I know I’m not.
He calls me a couple of times during the day, each time I decline and then send him a message. That night I cave when he calls me after eight, and we spend two hours on the phone, and the plan I had to ghost him doesn’t happen.
* * *
I walk into the impromptu girls’ night with a bottle of wine. “Hello,” I call out as I watch the girls all sitting around the coffee table in the family room.
“Oh.” I look at the spread of pizza boxes, sushi, and a couple of Chinese takeout containers, with a bowl of chips right next to salsa. “I see we couldn’t decide on what to eat.” I laugh, kicking off my shoes and looking up at the television screen, seeing the hockey game playing.
“Look who it is,” Ariella teases with a huge smile. “I forgot what you looked like.”
“Oh please, I posted two pictures on my social media and you liked both of them.” I grab a chip and dip it in the salsa before popping it in my mouth.
“That view was amazing,” Zoey says. “Who did you go there with?”
“A friend,” I answer, not naming the name and looking at Lexi, hoping she doesn’t say his name either.
“Like a girls’ trip?” Zoey asks me and I nod.
“It was a wellness retreat,” I explain and Lexi’s head whips to me.
I turn to look at her, knowing she just put two and two together.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say and now Zoey’s interest is piqued.
“It’s nothing and it’s just fun.” Even saying the words I feel like I’m going to be sick.
It’s starting to be more than nothing. It’s starting to be a relationship, and it’s starting to scare the shit out of me.
I know I should just end it and walk away, but every time I’m about to, he makes me smile or he makes me laugh, and it’s just not the right time.
“I thought about something for you two,” Zoey says to me and Lexi, shifting the conversation. “The kids and I were at the park the other day and it got me thinking.” I look at Lexi when she trails off.
“Is she going to tell us, or are we going to play twenty questions?” I ask her, taking a piece of sushi and putting it into my mouth.
“Why don’t you guys do a community garden?” she suggests. “Like pick one of the shelters that you want to partner with, and you can have it close to them.” I look at Lexi, who looks at me. “It would get everyone out and you can do a garden of veggies. Plant a couple of trees.”
“I think that’s a fantastic idea,” Lexi says.
“What you can do,” Ariella adds, “is make each corner a different theme.”
I point to her. “I like that idea.”
“You can build a children’s section in one corner,” she says, “for all ages. Then you can do a Zen garden in the other corner, not too far, where the mothers or fathers can sit and watch but be relaxed at the same time.”
“That sounds really cool.” I lean back on my hand. “You would need a piece of property, don’t you think?”
“You could ask the city,” Zoey suggests. “I’m sure they have pieces that they don’t really look after, and if it’s part of the community, they might just give it to you.”
“We’ll probably need to sign a contract for sure,” Lexi adds and I smile at her.
“I think we just found our next project.” I sit back up and grab another piece of sushi.
“And it’s the perfect time,” I admit. “I need something to sink my teeth into and this,” I point to Zoey, “this is it.” I look at Lexi.
“Schedule a Monday meeting with the big boss.” She laughs. “We’ve got some planning to do.”