Only for Me

1. Makari Phoenix

Makari Phoenix

A high-pitched scream woke me from much needed sleep.

I felt like I had just closed my eyes and that was highly possible since my daughter had been screaming her head off for most of the night.

This ear infection had been one of the worst so far and I was praying we got this under control so I didn’t have to do another doctor visit. Or worse, a trip to the emergency room.

I pushed out a short breath and rolled over, sluggishly lifting myself from the bed, trying to find the energy to move my body. As soon as I reached her portable crib and my lips brushed over her forehead, my heart sank.

She’s burning up…

The fever had been manageable all day, which made me believe we were over the worst of this, but shit. I scooped Avi into my arms and pressed her face to mine and my stomach dropped.

I moved to the dresser, lifted the bottle of infant Tylenol, and unscrewed the lid when it felt light in my hand.

This cannot be happening. I balanced my baby girl, whose harsh cries had settled to whimpers since she was in my arms, and unscrewed the lid to see if my worst nightmare was happening.

When I squeezed the dropper and nothing filled the end, my chest tightened, because it was two in the morning and I had a crying infant in pain. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

Get dressed and take your ass to the store, Makari. Avi needs medicine.

As much as I hated this, there was no way I would let my little muffin suffer.

So I kissed her face and placed her on the bed long enough for me to grab whatever I could get my hands on so I looked decent enough to be out in public: baggy sweats and a hoodie which had likely expired when it came to fresh and clean.

Laundry was an entire task these days and was also the reason I was out of Tylenol.

In between caring for Avi all day, I attempted to wash a few loads, but unfortunately, her things were more of a priority than mine, so my loads were still piled up in the hamper in the corner while her last load was in the dryer.

Fuck my life.

Being a single mother was exhausting and I rarely ever had time to think or process, but this was what I wanted. This was the life I chose because the alternative was not happening.

After I yanked on my sweats and shoved my feet into a pair of Tasman Uggs, I moved to the dresser and found a footed onesie for Avi.

It was March in Crescent Falls which meant icy cold temperatures and it had been snowing for the past two days.

The streets were mostly clear but at two in the morning, I would guess the temperatures had to be at least thirty degrees.

Not the type of weather I needed to be taking a four-month-old out in but what choice did I have.

Yep, pretty much fuck my life…

I got Avi bundled up, grabbed my keys and wristlet, and headed out the door.

Once I had my sweet girl settled in her car seat, I carefully navigated the dark and empty streets to the closest twenty-four hour pharmacy, which was thankfully only a ten-minute drive.

More like twenty since I wasn’t trying to risk speeding tonight and hitting a patch of black ice.

We made it safely and I breathed a sigh of relief that my little muffin wasn’t screaming her head off.

I navigated to the infant medicine aisle and searched the shelves, debating between Tylenol and Advil since Avi’s doctor mentioned alternating between the two.

After a moment of contemplation, I grabbed both and decided to be safe.

There was no way in hell I was risking this again.

I dropped my head and kissed the top of Avi’s tiny pink hat while she began to whimper and squirm against my chest in her carrier.

“I got you, sweet girl. Mommy’s going to make you feel better in just a second,” I whispered against her hat before I began rocking her and bouncing on my feet to temporarily soothe her.

With the medicine in hand, we were on our way to the counter when a massive body stumbled into us. I frowned, pressing my hand into Avi’s back to make sure she was okay before I lifted my head and scowled at the brick wall that plowed into us.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going,” I hissed and the guy tensed before he lifted his head and dropped his eyes to mine. My heart almost leapt out of my chest when those eyes, eyes I was very familiar with, locked on me.

Oh, fuck.

His expression was pinched when he searched my face and I turned to walk away because this could not be happening. There was no way in hell this was happening. My pulse began to race and my mind was moving a mile a minute.

Maybe he didn’t know. He wouldn’t… right? One night, he was drunk, we barely even knew each other. There was no way…

“Excuse me,” he mumbled and that voice made my chest tight. Only two words and I still recognized it. I quickly turned away from him, hoping he kept it moving but I wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Do I know you?”

I quickly shook my head without turning back to him because I wanted to keep Avi shielded. “No, sorry.”

My pulse spiked again because I felt him moving, so I glanced over my shoulder and sure enough he was right behind me. Those damn eyes were narrowed and locked on me.

“Wait, I do know you. Last year, Super Bowl party. Gold dress.”

I wanted to be annoyed that he referenced the memory by my dress but I had more important things to consider, like the baby strapped to my chest with the same eyes as the man questioning me.

This man had more hookups than Avi had blowouts and she had a lot.

Of course he would catalog them by situations and clothing.

If I wasn’t currently in panic mode, I would have called him out on that small detail. I turned to walk away but he stepped around me and his eyes dropped to Avi who picked that exact moment to throw her head back and blink up at me. Oh, fuck.

I dodged the brick wall blocking my path, saying a quick prayer that he hadn’t noticed the one thing that haunted me over the past four months every time I looked at my sweet girl’s face.

One hazel and one dark brown. The same eyes that belonged to Omiri Hayes.

Avi’s father…

“Hold up…” He grabbed my arm and I instinctively jerked away but his fingers locked in tight. “I do know you.”

“No, you don’t. Please let me go.”

“Nah, I know you. How old is she?”

Oh shit…

“Ma’am, is everything okay?”

A security guard appeared at the end of the aisle with his eyes darting back and forth between me and Omiri. Thankfully he had enough sense to release me, but that intense stare remained on Avi. He hadn’t moved an inch because he was focused on her.

“Yes, everything is fine, misunderstanding,” I muttered and headed straight to the counter.

The guy working the counter rang me up between laughing at something on his phone.

I caught sight of the screen and noticed he was on social media watching a video.

He barely even acknowledged me, only rattled off the total and pointed to the card reader.

I jerked my wristlet from the pocket of my hoodie and slid my card out, fumbling to get it free. After my transaction was complete, I grabbed a bag and shoved both boxes in when the clerk mumbled thank you and dropped back on the stool in front of the register.

Omiri was still watching me. I could feel the heat of his stare when I pushed through the door and I didn’t relax until I had Avi strapped into her car seat and was pulling out of the parking lot. This could not be happening.

I drove home carefully, checking my rearview mirror to make sure he hadn’t decided he was curious enough to follow me.

Thankfully the streets were just as empty now as they had been when I left my house.

When Avi and I were safely inside, I breathed a sigh of relief and headed to my room where I tossed the bag on the bed and held my little muffin to my chest, kissing her head.

“Oh Avi, I think Mommy just royally fucked up.”

For nine months of pregnancy and the past four months of Avi’s life, I had been so careful.

Nothing in my life connected me to Omiri and I made sure not to broadcast the baby we shared.

No pregnancy photos online, no pictures of Avi.

Not one social media post existed providing proof that my life had drastically changed.

I skipped having a baby shower because I couldn’t risk someone else highlighting the moment, and as far as anyone knew, my baby girl was the result of a short hookup.

I expressed that the father didn’t want her and I did, so he wasn’t in her life.

Once that explanation was out there, no one asked questions and that was fine by me.

In a sense, it was partially true. She was the result of a short hookup. One night with a guy I assumed was too drunk to remember anything about me. I, on the other hand, had every detail committed to memory.

Honestly, it was hard not to remember because Omiri Hayes was hard to forget.

He had thick, jet black hair that extended about an inch from his scalp in tight coils shadow faded on the sides.

A thick, wide nose spread over full lips surrounded by the same jet black hue that sprouted from his head.

But whereas his hair was coarse, Omiri’s beard was soft and luscious.

Then there were those damn eyes I couldn’t erase from my mind because my baby had them too.

I sighed in frustration with memories that didn’t matter because that wasn’t my life. He wasn’t and could never be my life. Omiri was a disaster I didn’t want around Avi and even if he never personally told me to my face, he told the world his thoughts about having a family.

“Omiri, are the rumors true? Sia is pregnant and everyone says you’re the father.”

“I fucked her once, in the bathroom at a club. I came down her throat, not in her pussy. That kid isn’t mine. Even if it was, I would write her a check. I don’t want kids.”