Chapter Thirteen
Janelle
“W hat the fuck is going on?!” Amerie shrieks again, her voice crashing down around me like a bucket of ice water.
I take my time dismounting from Rome’s lap because I know the minute I acknowledge Ri’s presence, the delicate tatters of our relationship will disintegrate into dust. I thought I would be despondent if Rome and I ever got caught because I thought it would drive a wedge between me, my sister, and my mom.
Now, severing ties with them brings me an odd feeling of peace.
I never thought I’d tell my own sister I’m not coming to her wedding, but I haven’t questioned that decision since I said it.
Rome lets out a tortured groan and it only takes me a moment to realize why. Not only is Ri standing there but so are Arnold, Evie, Dani, Micah, Christian, and Jalen. Of course.
“I tried to stop her.” Evie grimaces.
Ri rounds on her, steam practically rolling out of her ears. If she were a little lighter, her face would probably be bright red right now.
“You knew about this?!” My teeth rattle from the sheer volume of her voice.
“Ri, please,” Dani begs. “You’re loud as hell. Let’s just dial it down a few.”
“Did you know about this too? Did all my friends know about this?”
“Maybe if you weren’t such an asshole to her, she would’ve told her sister instead of me,” Evie jeers.
“I didn’t know, but I’m not bothered by it either. Who cares?” Dani adds.
“I care!” Her voice goes up another octave. A blood vessel is about to pop in her forehead and glass is about to start shattering at these volumes. Christian winces from the sound, taking a step away from her. Jalen and Micah start looking back the way I assume they came, plotting their exit.
Rome rubs soft circles on my lower back. I want him closer to me, so I lean back to connect my back with his chest. I know my bold behavior shocks him, but we’ve already been exposed. What other fucks do I have to give?
“And then they just sit there all cuddled up, not even trying to explain themselves,” Ri chastises.
“Why would we explain ourselves? We’re grown-ass adults,” Rome asks, his voice calm and unaffected, which only enrages Ri more.
“Grown-ass adults but you’re sneaking around like children. How long has this been going on?”
Neither of us answers her. We don’t owe her that. We don’t owe her anything.
She scoffs at our lack of response. “You know what, Janelle? You’re a fucking con artist.”
“The fuck?” Rome grasps my arm to keep me from jumping up from my seat. How did I become a con artist for not telling her who I’m sleeping with?
“Jesus, okay, Ri. Enough,” Dani whines.
“Yeah, it’s truly not that deep,” Evie presses.
“No, let her speak her piece. Say what you have to say, Amerie,” I demand.
She points her pointer finger in my direction, spit flying out of her mouth as she yells. “You heard me the first time. You’re a con artist! You really had me feeling bad for you and questioning my relationship when you told me Arnold tried to kiss you but you’re the one who’s a liar.”
“What?” Rome’s voice is like a bolt of lightning, striking the epicenter and destroying everything in its path. Now it’s my turn to keep him from getting up from his seat. He fights my hold, but I turn to face him, begging him with my eyes to stay with me.
Chaos erupts all around us. Everyone starts talking at once.
“That’s foul, bruh.” Micah shakes his head.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dani shouts.
“Shut up,” Ri whispers. No one seems to hear her except me.
“Yo, Rome, what you wanna do?” Jalen asks. I keep a firm grasp on Rome, watching his shaky breaths return to an even tempo before he offers Jalen a slight shake of his head and I turn back to face everyone.
“Shut up,” Ri says again. Her voice is a little louder this time but still, no one hears her.
“Mhm, I would expect this from your dirty dick friend, but you, Arnold?” Evie says, looking between Arnold and Christian with disgust.
“My dick’s clean,” Christian rebuts. “But yeah, bruh, I wouldn’t even do that shit,” he says to Arnold.
“Yes the fuck you would,” Evie argues.
“Shut up!” Ri screams at the top of her lungs. Everyone’s eyes cut over to her. Evie plants her hands on her hips, daring Ri to say something else she doesn’t like. “Everyone shut up. You’re all just feeding into Janelle’s lies.”
Arnold tips his head to the ceiling, seeking strength from a higher power, I guess.
“So I’m a liar, Arnold? Is that what we’re doing now?”
He rubs his hand down his face. “Fuck,” he drags out the word.
The rise and fall of Rome’s chest becomes so erratic, I know I’m losing my hold on him. He’s clenching his fist so tight I can hear the bandage stretching beyond its capacity.
“He touched you, ” he says, his voice low and gravelly in my ear. It’s not a question. Unlike my own sister, Rome wouldn’t question me on something like this. He knows I’m telling the truth and he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to handle it.
“He tried to kiss me. I slapped him and got him out of my room.” A deep snarl escapes his throat.
“Ugh!” Ri lets out a banshee cry, having heard my response to Rome. “Stop saying that, it’s not true.”
She’s determined to be delusional and I’m not interested in being the one to coax her back down to reality. If she’s happy in her fantasy land, so be it.
“You got it, Ri. I’ll stop. Are we done here?”
Everyone’s voices keep buzzing around in my head, whispering their two cents and protests. I rub firm circles into my temples, trying to keep the impending headache at bay.
She huffs. “I’m so done with you. I can’t believe you betrayed my trust for a fling.”
“Betrayed your trust?” My hands fall to my sides. “That’s it. Everyone out. Everyone get out now.” She can spin the story however she wants to everyone later. When I leave this seat, I will have freed myself from her for good.
“You gonna be okay?” Rome asks. I take a moment to study him.
I can feel his chest buzzing with ire. His eyes are drilling into the depths of Arnold’s soul and yet instead of jumping at the chance to confront him like I know he wants to, he waits to see if I need him more.
I keep telling myself these past two weeks have been too good to be true.
I’m so used to being slowly drained dry that the feeling of someone breathing life into me is a foreign concept.
Leaning my forehead against his, I close my eyes and breathe him in. “I’m gonna be just fine. Are you?”
“Depends on what he has to say.”
“You’ve hit your quota on the number of guys you can send to the hospital, okay? I was joking about the dark romance thing.”
He laughs as he stands from the couch, keeping his gaze on me as he moves toward our lingering friends. “That’s to be discussed at the next book club, J.”
“The book club of just you and I?”
“Who else do we need?”
“Damn, how did I miss them being all lovey-dovey like that?” Christian questions.
Evie shoves him in the chest. “Get your nosy ass outta here.” She continues pushing him until they’re out of sight.
A lifetime seems to pass before Ri and I so much as blink. Neither one of us wants to concede power to the other, but since I no longer feel the need to control the outcome, I decide to break the silence.
The moment I open my mouth, however, it’s Ri’s words that come out first. “Why do you have to have everything?”
She’s a lot less brazen now. Her shoulders are slumped forward in defeat. Her downcast eyes are void of any fight.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You couldn’t just let me have one thing. You had to prove to everyone that not only could you have my soon-to-be husband if you wanted, but you could have his best friend as well. Who’s next? Micah? Christian? Hell, why don’t you go for Arnold’s dad? That’ll really show him.”
I take a moment to will my fists back to my lap when they really want to aim right at Ri’s jaw.
“You know, Ri, a day ago a comment like that from you would’ve sliced me to my core.
But now, I realize that your opinion of me doesn’t define me.
I keep trying to save a relationship that should’ve died a long time ago. I’m done with that.”
“It’s just that easy for you to cut me off?”
“It’s not easy at all. But at this point it’s either lose you or lose me. And whether you and Mom believe I deserve it or not, I love me. A whole lot. I’m not willing to come in second anymore.”
She sucks in a breath, nodding slowly. “I wish I could do that. I wish I could cut people off and know that I’m gonna be better for it, but I’m not like you.”
“Why do you think that? Why do you and Mom think that I’m some unfeeling robot?”
“Because everything just comes so easily to you. You wanted to go to medical school? You got into your first choice and then your field of choice like that. ” She snaps her fingers.
It’s so funny to me that just because they weren’t there for my struggles, they think they don’t exist. I’ve overcome a lot in my life.
I’ve survived not feeling enough in my mom’s eyes.
I’ve cried over plenty of boys. I’ve shed literal blood, sweat, and tears during my med school journey.
I’ve suffered heartaches and growing pains.
I’ve needed my mom and sister to be a support system more times than I can count.
The problem lies within the fact that I never felt they could fulfill that need.
I never felt important enough to them to ask.
“I worked my ass off to get where I am in my career, it didn’t come easily. And why are you talking about my career like you don’t own a whole business?”
She lets out a stony-faced laugh. “Yeah, and it’s failing.”
“What?”
“The line is not doing as well as I’d hoped. It’s already been taken out of a few department stores and business is dry. Hell, the only reason I’m still afloat right now is because Arnold pays all the bills.”
“Ri, why didn’t you tell me this?”
“Why do you think none of my investors, clients, or friends in the industry were invited to the wedding? It’s because they either don’t exist anymore, or I didn’t want to risk them exposing me to you or Mom.”
“I could’ve helped though.”
“I didn’t want your help. It’s embarrassing to always have to rely on my little sister for help. I’m the big sister. You’re supposed to come to me. But I guess I never inspired that in you.”
My mind is blown. I never knew her line was struggling so badly. She put her heart and soul into launching it, so I know it’s eating her up not to see the results she wanted.
I hate that this is where we’ve ended up. This place where I want to offer my sister comfort but don’t feel safe doing so. She’s standing inches away from me, but we are miles apart.
“Okay, fine. You didn’t want my help. But what about anyone else’s? Did you tell Mom and Dad? Did you tell Dani and Evie? Dani has a platform with millions of followers, she could’ve easily put you on. And Evie is a beast with marketing and graphic design. She could’ve helped with a rebrand.”
She hangs her head in shame. “No. It was bad enough having to tell Arnold that he had to cover all of our expenses because I couldn’t contribute.
You think I wanted to admit failure to our friends?
Our very successful friends? And no, I didn’t tell Mom and Dad.
I was trying to be more like you and handle it myself. ”
Now things are starting to make more sense.
She’s been under an incredible amount of stress not only trying to keep her business afloat but also trying to hide her struggles from everyone around her.
I know how exhausting that is, and I do sympathize with her, but I never took my frustrations out on her.
I can’t keep giving her passes for how she’s treated me.
“Anything would’ve been better than how you went about it.”
“I know, I know. I’ve been awful to Arnold, too.
I think it’s because I couldn’t contribute financially to our lives together.
I felt the need to be in control of something.
I needed to have a handle on something, so I tried to control every aspect of his life, including talking to you.
I was so terrified he would come to his senses and leave me that I damn near made it happen.
” She twists her face up into a frown. “I know he tried to kiss you. I believed you the minute you said it, but I didn’t want to see my greatest fear coming true. ”
“Wow,” I huff. “You and Mom went to the same school of gaslighting.” What am I saying? Mom probably taught the class.
“Pretty much. He and I talked before we called that damn meeting about Cortez and he told me everything.”
“And?”
“He claims he doesn’t love you. He was just trying to sabotage our relationship because I scared him.”
I can believe that. I never believed what he said for a second. I just couldn’t believe he had the balls to try to use me to run from my sister.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to all of this, Ri.”
“Me either. I just got tired of holding it all in.”
“I know the feeling.”
She flops down on the couch beside me with a sharp exhale.
“I’m sorry.” I stare at her, unflinching.
Her words circle around me, seeking a soft place to land but finding nothing but hard ridges.
“I just figured if this is the end of you and me then you should know how sorry I am. For everything. I never meant to fall in love with Arnold. I hated myself for falling for the one guy I shouldn’t have, and I just kept expecting you to hate me for it too, so I wanted to hate you first. I wasted so much time and I’m sorry. ”
I’m not sure what she expects from me after this declaration. I can’t tell her it’s okay because it’s not. I can’t tell her I forgive her because I don’t, at least not yet. All of this animosity could’ve been avoided if she had just talked to me.
Sitting here looking at this woman who I love with my whole heart, I see a glimpse of the girl I used to call my best friend. I hope she finds her way back to that girl one day, but I can’t be present while she searches for her.
“Goodbye, Ri.”