Chapter Three
I was a mess all night, replaying the kiss over and over again. I couldn’t believe it had actually happened and I wasn’t sure what my feelings were about it. It had been absolutely the best kiss I had ever experienced, but why did it have to happen now, near the end of our senior year when we would soon go our separate ways, and with Jason, of all people? The whole thing felt surreal.
After a restless night, I woke up late in the morning. My mom had gone to the office today, as she did most Saturdays during the busy accounting season. For once, I was relieved she was working on the weekend when I saw Jason’s text that he wanted to come over to talk.
I checked the time and it was almost noon. Jason had texted over an hour ago. I told myself there was no point pushing it off, because I had the feeling that Jason would be persistent in wanting to talk about what happened last night.
I texted him that he could come over at two o’clock, and he texted back immediately confirming the time, as if he had been on his phone, waiting for my response.
I tried to eat something, although my stomach was in knots. I still wasn’t sure what Jason was going to say. His words from last night made it seem like he had feelings for me, as if he had been waiting for this moment between us. But that was hard to believe. From what I could see, he had an active social life and had dated plenty of girls throughout the years. It wasn’t as if he had been pining away for me or anything. So why this sudden confession of feelings?
Then I started to doubt everything. What if last night had just been a fluke? Maybe he had gotten caught up in the moment, and our history together had made him think he had feelings he didn’t really have.
I decided to stop torturing myself with all the possible scenarios and just wait for Jason to get here. I tried to make myself presentable, but I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I decided to stop overthinking things, and just put on my usual outfit of jeans and a t-shirt. There wasn’t much I could do about the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.
I tried to keep busy by tidying up the house, and I was in the midst of cleaning the kitchen counters when the doorbell rang. My pulse started racing, and I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself before opening the door.
Jason looked handsome, as usual, but he also looked tired. I felt like I needed some distance from him, so I led him to the kitchen table instead of the living room, since I didn’t think I could handle sitting next to him on a couch right now.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, feeling like a clumsy hostess. Jason shook his head.
I sat down and folded my hands on the table, watching him sit down across from me. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t say anything. He just sat there and watched me with inscrutable eyes. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward.
“So,” I asked uncertainly, when I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “How are you today?”
“I’m good,” Jason replied. “More importantly, how are you?”
“Fine,” I answered lamely with a weak smile.
Jason took a deep breath before he spoke again. “About what happened last night. How do you feel about it?”
Jason expression turned uncertain. His gaze dropped to the table while he waited for my answer.
I decided to just be honest. “I guess I’m a little confused. It’s the last thing I expected to happen between us.”
“Me, too,” Jason admitted. “We’ve barely had a conversation since middle school. I never thought we’d get the chance to hang out again, let alone…”
My stomach dropped as he trailed off. It’s not like I had expected him to confess his undying love for me, but now he sounded unsure of what had happened between us. Even though I felt the same way, hearing it from him made me feel dejected.
“Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile. “Talk about unexpected.”
“But that doesn’t mean I never wanted to spend time with you,” Jason continued. “You just never seemed interested in anything more than a brief greeting at school.”
I shrugged, although my heart started beating faster. “It just seemed like we had different interests and hung out in different crowds. I never thought much about it. People just outgrow each other sometimes.”
Jason’s lips thinned. “Is that what happened? We outgrew each other?”
I was surprised by the slight sharpness of his question.
“I don’t know, Jason. It was ages ago. We were little kids. You were busy with your interests and I was busy with mine.”
Jason shook his head. “I guess it’s pointless to talk about the past. What matters is now.” He looked me straight in the eyes. “And now, I want more. I don’t want to just wave at you across the parking lot at school. I don’t want to just be an acquaintance in a crowd. I want us to be together.”
The directness of his statement left me momentarily speechless. His gaze was clear and sincere, the vulnerability in his blue eyes shooting an arrow through my heart.
“Together, as in a couple?” I asked, wanting to make sure I understood him correctly.
“Yes, as a couple. As in boyfriend, girlfriend. As in, you’re mine.”
Jason’s last statement nearly made me pass out. What was going on? Things had gone from 0 to 60 in mere seconds.
“I….,” my voice trailed off. I had no idea what to say. My immediate impulse was to wholeheartedly agree, but I had to be smart and careful. I didn’t want to run headlong into a relationship when I wasn’t even sure of my feelings. And most likely, Jason would be going to school in Chicago next year while I stayed here. How would that work out?
“I need some time to think,” I finally said. “This is all just so unexpected. Before this week, we had barely said two words to each other.”
Jason didn’t look happy by my response but he didn’t argue. “I understand. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m headed to California tomorrow. It’ll give you a week to think.”
I wanted to tell him I needed more than a week to think. More like months. Maybe a year. But I agreed to think it over during the week.
Jason hesitated before leaving. “Can I still call you when I’m in California?” He looked like a little boy when he asked, looking uncertain. It pulled at my heartstrings.
“Sure,” I said, smiling. It had actually been really nice talking to him on the phone this past week, although at the time I had just thought we were rekindling our friendship, not developing something more. “I’d like that.”
After Jason left, I called Chloe, eager to tell her what had happened. I had told her I was busy Friday night, but I hadn’t told her I was going out with Jason. I had wanted to be sure of what exactly was going on between us before I said anything to her. She squealed with excitement when I told her everything, practically bursting my eardrums.
“I knew it!” she yelled. “I knew there was something going on between you two!”
“There’s nothing going on between us,” I insisted. “At least, there wasn’t. Until now.”
“That’s what you think,” she crowed. “I told you I would always catch Jason looking at you.”
Chloe had always insisted that Jason was always watching me when I wasn’t looking, but I had written it off as one of her many romantic idealizations. She always read too much into people’s actions, thinking everything was going to turn into a grand romance. But what if, this time, she was right?
Chloe and I talked for a long time, as she played out every possible scenario. And for once, I was avidly interested in all her relationship dissections.
It was nearly dark when we got off the phone. My mom had texted me that she had picked up a pizza for dinner on the way home from work, and I ran downstairs when I heard the front door open.
I set the table for dinner while she got changed, and then we dived into the large supreme pizza with extra cheese.
“Any plans for the rest of the weekend?” my mom asked as she twirled a string of errant cheese around her finger.
“Not really,” I said, wrangling a piece of pepperoni that was trying to slide off my slice. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”
“No, thank goodness.” My mom sighed. “I can’t wait until work dies down.” I watched as she meticulously took the black olives off her slice. She hated olives but aways got them on our pizza because she knew I loved them. “Why don’t we get our nails done tomorrow? Maybe some shopping afterwards, too.”
I nodded excitedly. “That sounds like fun!” I gave her an imploring smile. “And maybe lunch at La Taqueria?”
La Taqueria was my favorite Mexican restaurant, and I was pumped when my mom agreed. This was one of the reasons I wanted to stay home for college. It had been just me and my mom since fourth grade, and not only was she my mom, but she was also my best friend. I knew how hard she had worked since my dad left to give me a good life, but it wasn’t the material things she gave me that I appreciated most, although I was grateful for them. It was her always making time for me, making sure we spent time doing things together. She always juggled her schedule to make sure I felt important and seen. I had a whole lifetime to live on my own. I just wanted four more years of her and I together.
The rest of the weekend flew by, but I had to admit I frequently checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or text. I wondered what time Jason flew out on Sunday, and I wondered when he would call. It was agonizing waiting to hear from him, and when I hadn’t heard from him by Tuesday, I wondered if maybe he had changed his mind and no longer wanted to pursue something with me. Chloe called me from Florida to get an update, and was disappointed when there was none to give.
I thought I would get so much reading done over spring break as I had a stack of books I wanted to get through, but I found my mind wandering, making it hard to concentrate on the words on the page. My thoughts kept drifting back to Jason and the things he had said, our kiss on Friday, and what he was thinking now.
Wednesday afternoon, I had given up trying to read and had turned on the TV, tuning into some mindless reality show where random people lived together and fought over everything. I was watching two girls argue about who spent more time in the bathroom when my phone rang. My heart leapt when I saw Jason’s name on the screen. I made myself wait for the phone to ring a few times before answering it.
“Hello?” I was going for calm, but instead I sounded a bit breathless.
“Hi, Daphne.”
I was surprised that just two words from Jason could give me a thrill. But hearing him say my name, after anticipating his call for days, gave me a little buzz of excitement.
“Hey, Jason,” I said, trying to sound casual. “How’s California?”
“Good,” he replied. “Although, I thought it would be a chill trip since Aunt Josie just had her baby. But instead of just hanging out at home, I’ve been taking my younger cousins everywhere to get them out of my aunt’s hair while she’s taking care of the baby. My mom’s no help because she just wants to stay with my aunt and coo at the baby. And my brother just hides and plays video games.”
I laughed because I could just imagine Jason rolling his eyes over the phone. Despite his protestations, he sounded like he was having just as much fun as his cousins as he told me all the places they’d been dragging him to.
“How’s everything back in Hyattsville?” he asked, after he finished telling me how he had to stop his five year old cousin from trying to climb into the lion pen at the zoo.
“Oh, so exciting,” I said dryly. “I heard Mandy Crier’s dad got into an argument at the tractor supply store because of the price of grass seed.
Jason laughed. “I’m missing out.” His voice turned serious as he continued. “How’s the…thinking going?”
“It’s going,” I said, not wanting to get into it. Jason took the hint, and changed the topic to how his new baby cousin looked like an alien, and he had gotten in trouble for saying so.
Our topics changed organically, and just like last week, I found myself surprised to realize hours had passed.
“My phone’s about to die,” I said regretfully. “And I told my mom I would make dinner tonight, so I should probably get started.”
“Okay,” Jason said, sounding reluctant. “I’ll call you again later this week?”
His last statement was more of a question. “I’d like that,” I said, deciding not to hide my eagerness to hear from him again. I was beginning to admit to myself that I had feelings for Jason, and I had an idea of what my answer would be when he got back home.