Chapter Thirteen
I couldn’t believe it was only a week until graduation. It was exciting, yet also nerve-wracking. I was looking for a job in the editing field, but beyond that, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I no longer had to worry about staying in Hyattsville, because my mother was with Keith and she would no longer be alone if I left.
Jason was also job-hunting, and I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about the Biotechnics Major job. But I told myself Jason had made the decision, and he confirmed he was happy with his choice whenever I questioned if he was really okay with declining the job offer. We had decided that we would try to get a job in the same city, and had talked about New York City as an option. The thought of living in NYC with Jason was exhilarating. Now, if only we could both find jobs there.
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and Jason and I were lounging in my backyard, listening to music from his phone. We were on opposite ends of the outdoor wicker loveseat, our legs entangled together. Our conversation flowed comfortably, from what we would do if we ended up in New York City, to what the superior ice cream flavor was. I was firmly in the mint chocolate chip camp, while Jason said he was a purist and chose chocolate as the best flavor.
“Speaking of ice cream,” I said, with a winsome smile. “It sure would be nice to have some right now on such a warm day.” I switched my expression to an exaggerated frown. “Too bad we don’t have any in the house. I guess I’ll just have to suffer.”
Jason laughed. “Is that your way of hinting that you want to go get some ice cream?”
“But I’m so tired,” I said, dramatically leaning back on the settee. “I wish some ice cream would just appear so I could eat it in the comfort of my home.”
Jason raised my eyebrow. “Oh, so you want me to go get some ice cream for you then?”
I grinned. “You read my mind!”
Jason chuckled, gently shifting my legs and extricating himself from the seat. “One mint chocolate chip, coming right up.”
“Oh, and some potato chips! Salt and vinegar.” I smiled sweetly. “Please?”
“One mint chocolate chip ice cream and salt and vinegar chips coming up,” Jason said agreeably, leaning over to drop a kiss on my forehead.
Jason grabbed his car keys. “I’ll leave my phone here so you can keep on listening to my playlist. I’ll be right back.”
I admired his broad back as he left to go get our snacks. Jason made me feel so special and safe. I didn’t think I would ever get used to feeling so loved and treasured.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, feeling utterly relaxed. It was a hot day but the breeze made it pleasant. Jason’s playlist was full of slow, easy songs that lulled me into a daydream state.
My reverie was abruptly disrupted when the music suddenly stopped, replaced with the ring of an incoming call. I glanced at the phone on the table, and was surprised to see a number I recognized. What was Shelby doing calling Jason?
Jason’s phone kept ringing, and I wrinkled my brow. Should I pick it up? How did Shelby even have Jason’s number? I wondered if Shelby had been trying to get in contact with me, and couldn’t, so was calling Jason instead. I checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t missed any calls from Shelby, but my notifications were empty.
I was hesitant to pick up the call because it didn’t feel right answering someone else’s phone, but at the last minute, I figured neither Jason nor Shelby would care.
I picked up the call right before it went to voicemail, but before I could say anything, Shelby spoke.
“Jason, don’t hang up.”
My breath caught. What was happening? I stayed silent, because I didn’t want Shelby to realize that it wasn’t Jason. I wanted to hear what she had to say.
“We need to talk. I know you don’t want Daphne to find out about us, but I need to tell her the truth. She deserves to know. I can’t lie to her anymore.”
I froze, my whole world crashing to the ground. I had never, in a million years, anticipated anything like this. I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart and I could feel myself starting to shake. Shelby, Jason and I had often hung out as a trio, but they had never been anything more than friendly. I had never once suspected anything between them. But I couldn’t deny what Shelby’s words meant.
I took a deep shaky breath. I couldn’t stay silent anymore. I was surprised my voice was as composed as it was when I spoke, because I felt like screaming.
“What are you talking about? What’s going on between you two?” I was trembling, and my hand was gripping my knee, nails digging in, trying to ground myself in a world that had suddenly gone upside down.
“Daphne.” Shelby’s voice was a mixture of shocked and scared. “Wh…what are you doing answering Jason’s phone?”
“Are you serious?” I spat out. “That’s what you have to say to me right now?”
“Daphne, I’m so sorry.” Shelby started to cry, but that just added salt to my wound. How dare she act upset?
“Tell me what you’re talking about,” I bit out between gritted teeth. If Shelby had been standing in front of me, I would’ve have gotten violent at this point.
“We didn’t mean for anything to happen between us,” Shelby answered, her voice shaky. “We just ran into each other one day at school, a couple of weeks before spring break, when you were already gone for the day, and Jason gave me a ride home because I had taken the bus to school that day.” Shelby hesitated before continuing. “It was raining really hard, so we parked for a bit for the rain to let up, and then before I knew it, we were kissing.”
A knife straight through my heart couldn’t have hurt more than Shelby’s words. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a nightmare. The Jason I knew would never do this to me. But the Shelby I knew wouldn’t do this to me either, and here she was, admitting to it. We had gotten so close during college. I considered her my best friend along with Chloe.
“Did it go beyond a kiss?” I asked, my throat thickening with unshed tears.
“Daphne, I’m so sorry.” Shelby was sobbing now. “We weren’t thinking. I don’t know how it happened.”
“Did it go beyond that?” I asked again, but this time I was screeching. “Just tell me what happened!”
“We had sex,” Shelby whispered.
This couldn’t be happening. I wanted to wail with grief and anger. But first I wanted to know everything. I needed to know everything.
“Was that the only time?” I couldn’t believe I had to ask this question. My life, as I knew it, was over.
“We had sex two other times after spring break,” Shelby admitted, her voice barely audible. “Each time, we swore it wouldn’t happen again, but it was like we couldn’t help ourselves. After the third time, we promised it wouldn’t happen again. The guilt was eating me up inside, but Jason said there was no reason to tell you. That it would be selfish to tell you, because all it would do is hurt you, because we weren’t going to do anything anymore.” Shelby took a deep shaking breath. “But I felt like you deserved the truth. I didn’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“What I deserve is better than you two pieces of shit,” I hissed. “Don’t you ever contact me again. You’re dead to me.”
I hung up the phone, shaking. I felt like I was going to throw up. How? How could this be true? How could Jason have done this to me? And not just once, but three times. With my best friend. But I couldn’t deny it. Shelby had thought I was Jason when she started talking. I wondered if I would have ever found out the truth if I hadn’t answered Jason’s phone.
I wanted to sob when I thought about Jason telling me he was a virgin that night we were together for the first time. That had been a straight-up lie. He had been with Shelby before me. And after me.
What else was a lie? Certainly him telling me he loved me. He couldn’t love me and do this to me.
I wanted to scream and cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. The grief was too overwhelming for tears. My whole body felt like it was going to shatter into pieces.
I forced myself to take deep breaths. I wouldn’t let myself look like a fool in front of Jason. He didn’t deserve to see my vulnerability. A sharp, scathing anger was starting to outpace my agonizing hurt. Pain was flowing through every vein of my body, but I forced it under control. My pride wouldn’t allow Jason to see how much he had hurt me.
By the time I heard Jason come back, I felt numb. I almost felt detached from my body, like I was watching from the outside. But that didn’t stop the sharp stab of pain when I saw Jason’s smiling face. Maybe I wasn’t as numb as I thought. I forced myself to build a mental and emotional wall between us. Otherwise, I didn’t think I would survive.
Jason’s smile immediately dropped when he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
I glanced at this phone that was now sitting silent on the table. “You got a phone call while you were gone.” I couldn’t stop my voice from trembling.
Jason’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Okay. Who was it?” He reached over to grab his phone and look at his call list.
“Shelby.”
“Is that her number?” he asked. “Why would she call me?”
I wanted to claw the innocent-looking expression off his face. How could he lie to me with seemingly no remorse? As disgusting as they both were, at least Shelby had wanted to tell me the truth.
“I don’t know, Jason,” I replied coldly. “Why would she call you?”
“I’m confused,” he said, continuing to look innocent. “What’s happening? What did she say?”
It was so obvious he was trying to find out if Shelby had told me anything. It made me sick. Jason looked like a different person to me now. I used to feel safe with him. I thought he would never do anything to hurt me. That he cherished me. How could I have been so wrong?
“You want to know what she said?” I laughed bitterly. “What do you think she said?”
“Daphne, tell me what’s wrong.” Jason’s expression was worried. “You’re acting strange.”
My eyes narrowed. “Anyone would be acting a little strange if they found out their boyfriend fucked their best friend.”
“What??” Jason looked shocked. “What are you talking about?? That never happened!”
I put my hand up. I didn’t want to hear his lies. It would just make everything more painful. “I don’t wait to hear your denials. It’s so pathetic. I just want to know why you did it.” I was unable to keep my composure, and my voice broke. “Why did you pretend you loved me?”
Jason kneeled in front of me, grabbing my hands and putting them against his chest. I could feel his heart beating rapidly. “Daphne, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Nothing has happened between me and Shelby.”
I ripped my hands out his grasp. “I don’t believe you,” I hissed, my eyes filling with tears. “She told me everything.” The numbness I had been feeling disappeared, and I felt like there was a large gaping hole in my heart. I wanted to hurt Jason like he had hurt me. My mind raced to think of what could hurt him the most.
“It doesn’t matter anyways,” I said, forcing my voice to calm. “I was only with you because of your mom.”
Jason’s eyebrows drew in sharply together, his expression darkening. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” I said patronizingly, “the only reason I agreed to start dating you was because I felt bad about your mom being sick. I couldn’t reject your feelings when your mom was on her deathbed. I was just trying to figure out how to break up with you now that that she’s better, and you gave me the perfect opportunity.”
I knew I should feel disgusted with myself for what I was saying about his mom, but I was beyond caring. I wanted Jason’s heart to bleed like mine was. It was only fair.
Jason drew back from me, like I had slapped him. “Daphne, why are you doing this? I know that’s not true.”
I stood up abruptly, walking away from him. I didn’t want to be near him anymore. I just wanted him to go away, so I was as cruel as possible.
“It’s true,” I said, crossing my arms against my chest, trying to put as many barriers between us as possible. “How could I refuse your feelings when you were boohoo’ing about your mom. And I was tired of being a virgin, so I figured you were good enough to lose it with than anyone else.” I cocked my head. “You were pretty good at it too, so that’s why I kept you around, even after your mom got better. But now that I know you’re a cheater, there’s no point in us being together.”
Jason stood up slowly, his expression cold. But I could still see the despair in his eyes. “You have to just be saying this because you think I cheated on you. But I swear nothing happened between me and Shelby. I don’t know why she would tell you that. But she’s lying.”
I shrugged my shoulders, trying to feign nonchalance while my insides were being torn apart. “It really doesn’t matter what you and Shelby did or didn’t do. I just don’t want to be with you, Jason. I don’t love you.” I looked him straight in the face, my tone frigid. “I never did. I just said it back to you because it was easy. Let’s just call it even between us and call it quits. I never want to see you again.” I didn’t know how much longer I could put up this act. I just wanted to collapse on the floor and sob my eyes out.
Jason’s expression was thunderous. “I’m supposed to believe that you’re that good of an actress? There’s no way you could have been faking your feelings for me. They’re real.”
I smiled at him cruelly. “The only thing that was real were my orgasms. I have to admit, you’re pretty good at fucking. But everything else was fake.”
“Daphne.”
Jason’s face drained of all color. His fury seemed to dissipate, and he just looked sad. He had only said my name, but that one word was so full of despair that I felt like sobbing. How had we gotten here?
“Just leave,” I said, wanting to get him out of here. I couldn’t bear to see his face anymore, the one I used to adore and study with love while he was asleep next to me.
Jason looked at me for a long time, until I thought he was going to refuse. But then he nodded. “You win. But remember, you’re the one that ended this. You’re the one that caused us to break up. I want you to remember, because you’re going to regret this someday. But it’ll be too late.”
Jason left without a backward glance, and I finally let my tears overtake me, sobbing until I thought I was going to break into pieces. How would I survive this?