Chapter 2
Kastian
I entered the stark white room and saw Toya with her face in her hands sobbing.
Her mother had one arm wrapped around her daughter’s shoulder, and her father stood off to the side with worry lines creasing his forehead.
Selfishly, I knew that Mr. Moore was disappointed for all the wrong reasons.
His head whipped in my direction, and I could see the fear in his eyes. He took a step toward me. “Let’s ste”
“Not now,” I cut him off abruptly making Toya uncover her face. I hadn’t even been able to attempt to console her before her father wanted to start running game and making promises that he couldn’t keep.
When Toya’s irises met mine, she began to cry even harder. “Can we have some privacy?” I asked her mother in a non-confrontational tone.
With her lips set in a hard line, she gave a curt nod and walked toward the door with her husband on her heels.
“I lost the baby. I’m sorry,” Toya sobbed, and I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose.
Maybe this child was Toya and her parents’ lifeline. Maybe they were correct in assuming that I wouldn’t deal with her if she couldn’t give me a child but got damn, mourn the child and not the circumstances for at least a little while.
“Why are you apologizing to me for something that you can’t control?” I asked with a slight frown. “Stop doing that shit.” I didn’t mean to curse at her, but I was irritated. “How are you feeling?” I asked as I sat down in the chair beside her bed.
“Like shit.” Toya sniffed and placed her head on the pillow.
Staring up at the ceiling she was quiet for a few minutes before speaking again.
“What the fuck is wrong with me? My cousin has eight kids, and I can’t even carry one.
She probably should have stopped at number three but yet, God keeps blessing her and punishing me. ”
I didn’t know what to say because honestly, the shit wasn’t fair.
There were women that got pregnant daily that didn’t want kids, and Toya kept enduring heartbreak after heartbreak.
Each time I watched her lose one of our babies, I saw it break her a little more.
In my opinion, she needed to take a break from trying to conceive, but Toya was determined to have a child with me.
She was deathly afraid that if she couldn’t give me a child, someone else would.
Toya wasn’t exactly my girlfriend. As a man technically, I had more time to have kids.
Even though I kept myself in shape, nothing was guaranteed.
At thirty-one years old, I was ready for a child.
If I hadn’t met a woman and fallen in love by now, maybe it wouldn’t happen.
This wasn’t back in the day. I didn’t have to put a ring on a woman’s finger and give her my last name to have kids with her.
I knew men and women in loveless marriages all because getting married and having kids were what they were supposed to do.
I couldn’t promise a woman forever, but I could promise her that if she had my child, she’d be taken care of.
For any woman whose biological clock was ticking, it was a win win situation.
They got to have the child they wanted by a rich ass man that would make sure she didn’t want for anything.
Toya was cool, but I wasn’t in love with her.
Her father wanted her to marry me desperately, and he’d been putting her bid in for years.
Toya was pretty, smart, well-educated, and she was decent in the bedroom.
While I couldn’t point out anything that was terribly wrong with her, I wasn’t fucked up ‘bout her either. A woman didn’t have to have money, certain familial ties, or her own status to be an asset to my life.
I wanted heirs. I wanted to build and leave behind a legacy.
The mother of my child could stay at home and raise the kids, or she could help me to run my businesses.
Whether love was in the equation or not, I knew having the right woman on my team would only add to what was already a very successful empire.
It didn’t matter if she was on my team with the title of wife or baby mama.
Maybe it was fucked up of me, but while I was willing to deal with a woman that I didn’t love, I wasn’t willing to solely deal with a woman that couldn’t give me babies.
I had even suggested using a surrogate, but Toya wanted to carry her own children.
I couldn’t blame her for that, but I didn’t want to keep waiting either.
I was more than certain; she didn’t love me the same way I didn’t love her.
Having my child would have her set for life if she played her cards right.
Any kind of relationship between us would be way more beneficial to her than it would be to me, so it was my way or no way.
Toya knew I dated other women, and she knew she wasn’t the only woman that I was sleeping with.
That alone told me she was in it for the money.
There was no way in hell I’d share the woman that I loved under any circumstances.
“When can you go home?” My back rested against the seat. Studying Toya’s cinnamon-colored skin and doe shaped eyes, it dawned on me that I couldn’t keep doing this to her. I was sure she wanted children also, but she was hell bent on having my child, with hopes that I would propose to her.
I didn’t want her to feel pressured to give me a child and risk her sanity.
Maybe it was too late. She’d already gotten her hopes up, and she’d feel less than if I chose not to have a child with her, but she knew what it was from day one.
I wasn’t looking for love. If I didn’t love her, and she couldn’t give me what I needed, what would be the point in dealing with her?
I wasn’t going to just discard her like trash, but I wasn’t going to deviate from my plan either. We’d already been trying for two years.
“In the morning.” Her voice was small. “My mother is hell bent on spending the night. Give me six months, Kastian. I’m going to talk to a specia”
“You need more than six months,” I cut her off. “Even after you heal physically, I don’t think you should try again until you heal mentally. And you can’t put a time frame on that. I don’t think taking back-to-back losses is good for you.”
“You’ll wait?” she asked with hope lacing her tone. The panic in her orbs made me run one hand over my waves.
She was going through enough. I didn’t have the desire to hurt her further, but she was going to be hurt regardless. “We can talk about it later. I think you should get some rest.”
Maybe it was that women’s intuition, but Toya knew what it was.
“Kastian, don’t give up on me,” she begged. “I can have a baby. I can do this.”
“Toya,” I shook my head lightly. “I think you shouldn’t be so focused on a baby right now.
You have time. Time to figure out what’s wrong.
Time to get it right with the right person.
You knew from day one what I wanted. It might be odd to some, but I want kids, and I’m selective about who has them.
I want to be intentional about the family I create, and it has nothing to do with some fairytale shit.
You checked all the boxes, and I decided to go with you.
It was never about love or feelings. You have my child, and I take care of you. We both stood to gain something.”
Toya’s face crumpled. “I can’t have a baby, so you just throw me out like I don’t mean anything?”
“If that’s how you choose to look at it.
I told you we could talk about this later, but you wanted to press the issue.
I actually care about your mental and physical health.
You shouldn’t be focused on having a baby if it means you keep having miscarriages that leave you depressed for months on end. ”
Toya sucked her teeth and chuckled. “Fine. You can see yourself out.”
I was sure that her father was going to be pissed, but I didn’t owe them anything.
I could deal with whoever I wanted to deal with, and it didn’t have to be Toya.
Silly me I assumed that since the expectations were set on the table and explained from day one, there wouldn’t be any room for misunderstandings, but I was wrong.
Maybe it wasn’t just about having my child and being taken care of.
It was possible that Toya had fallen for me.
But the feelings weren’t mutual, so what was I supposed to do?
You can’t agree to play the game then get mad at the rules.
If Toya wanted me to leave that was what I’d do. I stood and looked over at her. “If you need anything let me know.”
She refused to look at me or acknowledge my statement, so I left the room. Toya’s mother was nowhere around, but her father was standing with his back against the wall worry lines prominent in his forehead. The moment he saw me he pushed off the wall.
“Kastian,” rushing toward me the desperation in his tone matched the quickness of his movements. “I hope this doesn’t change anything. I’m sure you and Toya will have a child when the time is right.”
“Nah,” I refused to sugar coat the situation. “I’m not interested in trying anymore. I don’t think so many losses are good for her mental health. She needs to take some real time to get herself right.”
Her father’s jaw slacked, and his eyes widened from my words. “Kastian, losses are common in pregnancy. A few miscarriages doesn’t mean she’ll never have a child. Look at how much time you already have invested with her. Don’t throw that away.”
I chortled. “You nor your daughter have the good sense to be sad about the child that was lost. You’re more worried about me and if I’ll still want to try to have kids with her.
We all know that I’m not having kids in the traditional way but got damn, you’re more desperate than your daughter.
I’m not sure what kind of meal ticket you’re looking for, but you’re going to have to try and pawn your daughter off to someone else. ”