Chapter 17
PERSIA
The two nights Kastian and I spent in Miami were a literal movie.
We had so much fun and nasty ass sex that it was surreal.
I was so glad that I wasn’t ovulating because we had more than one slip up.
The liquor was flowing abundantly, and we couldn’t keep our hands off one another.
The weather, vibes, and chemistry between us turned everything up a notch and turned us into animals.
As I got dressed to go to the airport, I felt like a zombie.
My ass was running off four hours of sleep and was still slightly drunk.
I could look at Kastian and tell he was just as tired as me. Shades were going to be a must.
He entered the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth. “Omar is blowing you up. Who the hell is that?” he asked with a frown.
I spit and rinsed my mouth out while wondering why he looked so agitated. “Omar is the guy that took me to dinner for my birthday. We went to school together.”
“And you’re still talking to him?” Kastian’s frown deepened.
“We’ve only gone out one other time since my birthday, but yes, we talk every now and then. Is that a problem?” I questioned with raised brows.
“Fuck you mean is it a problem? Persia we been fucking around for seven months. I’ve put my mouth on every inch of your body, and we’ve had unprotected sex more than once.
You said you didn’t want to rush into another relationship but again, it’s been seven months.
I’m starting to wonder if you need that much healing or if you just like being a bop. ”
“Excuse me?!” I screeched. “First of all, you’re too damn old to be using the word bop. Second, you got me fucked up, nigga. It’s my understanding that a bop sleeps around, and that’s definitely not me. Don’t get beside yourself.”
“The fact remains that I don’t talk to other women like that because I’m too focused on you. The only reason I haven’t cut everyone completely off is because I’m waiting on you. But you’re out here having fun, and I’m not about to keep waiting.”
We had such a wonderful weekend, but it had officially been ruined. Kastian was blowing me. “You don’t have to wait, Kastian. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I was married for six years, and it’s a problem if I want to be single for six months?”
“You can be as single as you want to be, Love. Thank you for the birthday trip. I think I’ll stay in Miami for another day.” He set my phone on the counter and walked out of the bathroom.
Stunned, I stood there stuck on stupid. Jealousy could be cute coming from a man but in that moment, all I was, was pissed.
The fact that I had to keep repeating myself was annoying enough.
Kastian had never in life had a girlfriend.
No matter what woman wanted to be with him, he knew what he didn’t want, and he stood on that.
But it was an issue because I was standing on business.
I liked him. I actually liked him a lot.
However, I needed to be sure that I was doing things in the right way and for the right reason.
I literally hadn’t had sex with anyone else.
I bet he couldn’t say the same. It wasn’t about me wanting to be with different men.
Ironically, Omar was starting to become impatient also.
I was actually shocked that he’d stuck around for as long as he had because I wouldn’t let him touch me.
Snapping out of the daze that I was in, I gathered my things and walked to the door.
Kastian was out on the balcony on the phone.
I doubted he’d hear it, but I still slammed the door when I walked out.
In the lobby, I requested a ride to the airport and waited patiently for my driver to arrive.
Never in a million years did I think our Miami trip would end like this.
It literally went from sugar to shit in moments.
Thanks to Kastian knocking some sense into David, he signed the papers, and our divorce had been signed off on by the judge.
I had just celebrated my freedom and felt like I was getting into a regular routine.
No matter how badly David had messed up, leaving him still thrust me into a whirlwind of change.
I was finally feeling some sense of normalcy.
I had just got settled in the car when Tesha called me. I needed a distraction, so I didn’t hesitate to answer. From the moment I heard her voice I knew something was wrong.
“You back yet?”
“I’m on my way to the airport. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want you to talk around Kastian. Just call me when you get home.”
“He’s actually not with me. He got mad and said he’s staying in Miami an extra day.”
“That makes two of us that are in the doghouse because Qua is pissed with me too. I messed up real bad. I’m so stupid.”
My lids closed. “What did you do?”
“He wants to be exclusive. And I do too. But stupid, silly, dumb me, I just felt the need to come clean. Even without a title, we were pretty much only dealing with each other. I confessed to him that a month ago, I had sex with Ryder, and he didn’t take it well. I am so stupid.”
I almost agreed with her, but I didn’t want to sound like I was judging. “Do you still love Ryder?”
“Hell no, which makes what I did even more stupid. Because I slept with him Qua thinks I’m not over him, and he refuses to compete with Ryder. I don’t want to be with him, and I put that on everything. It was one drunk ass mistake that I started regretting as soon as it was over.”
“Hopefully, Qua will come around. You guys weren’t official, so technically, you didn’t cheat on him. Just give him some time to process things, and he’ll be back.” I hoped what I was saying was true.
I didn’t know Tesha when she was with Ryder, but I’d been a witness to how happy Qua made her.
If she was sure she didn’t want to be with Ryder anymore, she needed to cut him all the way off and focus on moving on.
Her situation was a perfect example of why I didn’t want to rush into something with Kastian.
There wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d sleep with David again, but I didn’t want to move too fast and end up regretting it.
Since leaving David, I had gotten a chance to reconnect with myself.
I enjoyed living alone after years of living with someone.
Even if I got into another relationship, I’d want us to be together for a year or more before we moved in together.
“I hope so,” Tesha sighed. “What has Kastian’s boxers in a bunch?”
“I’m taking too long to commit.”
“What?!” she screeched. “Never in my life did I think I’d hear anyone say that. Kastian wants a girlfriend? Girl, what you done did to that man?”
“I have no clue. I like him. I really do. But I don’t understand why he thinks seven months is enough time for me to be completely sure about moving on. I don’t want to be with David, but I also don’t want to rush into something before I’m ready.”
“Use me as an example. Take all the time you need. I’m not even in a relationship with Qua, but we were rocking with each other so hard that he still looks at me having sex with Ryder as betrayal.
And I can’t even blame him. He treats me amazing, and I went behind his back and fucked someone that couldn’t keep it in his pants when we were together. ”
Tesha was beating herself up terribly. I could get her being afraid that he would cut her off.
I hoped he’d change his mind because I liked them together.
We talked until I reached the airport. I was a little sad as I made my way to the gate.
What was I supposed to do when I didn’t feel like I’d done anything wrong?
All I could do was wait for Kastian to come around. If he came around at all.
The next day after work I went to a Pilates class then I went home, showered, and climbed into bed.
I wasn’t even hungry. The fact that I’d been down since I left Miami was crazy.
I was hurt when David did what he did. Angry was also an emotion that I felt quite a bit of, but I was never sad.
Not once did I miss him or want to cry because we weren’t speaking to one another.
Even before our disagreement I could acknowledge that I felt things for Kastian that I’d never felt for David, and I was married to the man.
There was no point in me trying to talk to Kastian.
If I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted, what would be the need to profess my feelings for him?
I just needed him to wait a little while longer, but if he couldn’t do that, I would have to accept it.
Absentmindedly, I scrolled social media only half paying attention to what I was looking at.
Until I came across a familiar face. It was weird to me how sometimes people you knew but didn’t follow would pop up in your feed on social media.
I didn’t know the person that posted the video, but whoever it was had attended a gender reveal.
And the lovely parents of the bundle of joy was none other than David and some black and Hispanic looking chick.
Chuckling, I stared at the picture. He was finally going to have the baby that he wanted.
I didn’t want to have children with him, so why I felt a sense of sadness while looking at the picture was beyond me.
Maybe it was because David and I parted ways and even though he was an asshole, he got to move on, be happy, and get all the things he wanted.
Me on the other hand was about to miss out on a great man because what?
I had PTSD? I was afraid of being hurt and wasting time.
I had just placed my phone on the bed beside me and tried to focus on a movie to watch when my phone rang.
The disappointment I felt when I looked at the screen and saw it wasn’t Kastian that was calling had me disgusted with myself.
I really didn’t feel like talking to Omar, but he didn’t seem to be getting the hint, so it looked like I would have to talk to him.
“Hey.”
“Damn, I was starting to think you were mad at me or something. I’ve been calling you for two days.”
“I was actually in Miami, and I’ve been very busy. I was meaning to get back to you.”
“Miami? Nice. You went on a girl’s trip or something?”
I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t feel like telling the truth either. Omar and I had never even had sex, but I couldn’t imagine he’d like hearing that I was in Miami with another man. “A friend’s birthday.”
“That’s what’s up. You sound tired. I was calling to see if you wanted to go grab a bite to eat.”
“Between Miami and work, I’m beat. I’m already in the bed, and I don’t have much of an appetite. I just want to rest more than anything. I appreciate the offer though.”
“Maybe I can pick up something light like salad or soup, and I can come see you. I won’t bother you. We can just cuddle and watch a movie or something.”
It was a good thing he couldn’t see my face because the frown his words caused was intense. “Cuddle?”
“Yeah, I mean damn, Persia. We’ve been talking for a long time. We went out on two dates. I’m not even asking for sex. I just want some kind of affection. Are you not into me or something?”
“I told you from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, and that includes sex. That’s just not on the agenda for me right now.”
“So you just let men take you out and spend money on you and blow them off? You spend hours talking on the phone to someone you’re not interested in.”
“You took me on two dates, and you asked me out. Let’s not act like you spent a grip on those dates.
When I said I didn’t want anything serious, you said it was cool.
A man like you is going to show his true colors every time.
If you wanted some ass, you shouldn’t have tried to come across as a good guy that was cool with just being my friend. ”
“I am a good guy, but I have needs. I’m putting in all this time with you and you’re playing games?”
“Playing games because I’m not into you enough to drop my panties for you? I look at you as a friend. Nothing more than that and after today, you’re not even a friend. Weirdo.” I spat before hanging up. The nerve of him.
He was really who Kastian was mad at me over.
The situation was comical to say the least. Maybe it was a sign that I shouldn’t be talking to anyone at the moment.
Maybe keeping things light wasn’t good enough.
Maybe any kind of relationship with a man should have been off limits.
For someone that didn’t need to be getting attached, Kastian had a clear hold on me.
Frustrated wasn’t even the word to describe how I was feeling.
Being lovesick over a man that I only knew for seven months was crazy in my opinion.
Omar called back, and I wasted no time declining the call and blocking him.
Nigga didn’t spend $100 on either date, and he had the nerve to act like he had done some major tricking.
My eyes fell on one of the Chanel purses Kastian bought for me.
He knew how to spoil a woman and never complained a bit.
“Ughhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop thinking about him,” I lay flat on my back and pounded the mattress with my fists while kicking my legs like a lunatic. It was official. I was losing it.
Glancing over at my phone, I had to literally place my hands underneath my bottom to keep from grabbing the phone and calling Kastian. Was this my karma for marrying David and not being madly in love with him? Because if it was, I’d learned my lesson. Never again would I take advice from my mother.
Just call him.
Girl, stand up. You’re being weak in the knees. Stand on business and let him know good dick and gifts can’t knock you off your square.
What are the odds of meeting a man like Kastian twice in one lifetime? Pride is going to have you assed out.
The voices in my head were at war with one another real bad. It was official. I was crazy as hell.