Chapter 21 Persia
PERSIA
Never in life had I dreaded closing day the way I was dreading my current closing.
It had been a while since I’d been to Kastian’s firm, but I was walking toward the elevator feeling nauseous.
Prayerfully, I wouldn’t see him. The up and down roller coaster that I’d been on regarding Kastian had me dizzy, and I wanted off the ride.
I had to really take a hard look at the situation.
Kastian had explained to me that he wanted a child, and he didn’t necessarily want the mother.
If a woman was carrying his baby, even though he claimed it was an accident, maybe that child wasn’t created out of a night of lovemaking.
Just maybe, it was an accident, but since he wanted a child anyway, he didn’t mind.
We weren’t speaking when it occurred, so it would pretty much be no different than a man that got a woman pregnant before a relationship with someone else.
If Kastian could assure me that he wasn’t on that type of time with his baby’s mother, I was leaning toward giving us a real try.
That was if he was still interested. But I was scared, and I wasn’t even sure what I was afraid of.
Kastian made it clear more than once that he wanted me and only me, so what was the problem?
I didn’t even want to ask God for a sign. I wanted Him to straight up tell me yes or no. “Girl, yes!”
I whipped my head to the left and saw a woman laughing with a cell phone to her ear. “I told you it was going to shock you.”
“God, you real funny Big Homie,” I laughed to myself. “Too funny.”
The elevator doors slid open, and I stepped on.
If I saw Kastian, I would speak to him. If I didn’t, I was going my black ass back to the office.
I was tired of super, heavy emotional things and situations.
My mental wanted some real peace and a break from being challenged.
The closing went off without a hitch, and I made my way out of the conference room.
There he was. My heart slammed into my ribcage as I saw Kastian standing by his office door talking to an Indian guy.
I didn’t know what to do. My stomach did a backflip. Slowly, I inched in their direction, and Kastian’s eyes found mine. I offered a small smile and a head nod.
“Persia, can I speak with you for a moment?” he kept it professional, so I did the same.
“Sure,” I responded in a chipper tone as I smiled and gave a head nod to the gentleman he was speaking with.
They ended their conversation, and I followed Kastian into his office. He closed the door as I took a seat.
“How are you?” he sat on the edge of his desk and peered at me.
It felt like forever since I’d kissed those lips or felt his hands on me.
It had been too long since he wrapped his arms around me and spoke into my ear.
I missed it. I needed it. God, I craved it.
“I’ve been okay. I guess I should apologize for that little melt down that I had.
” I ran my palm up and down my thigh nervously.
Kastian glanced at my moving hand before looking back at me.
“There’s no need to apologize. You felt how you felt, and your feelings will always be valid.
I’m just sorry that you had to feel that way.
I didn’t know liking someone could get this complicated.
But I meant what I said about not wanting to lose you as a friend. ”
I inhaled through my nose and looked off to the side. It was now or never. Just spit it out bitch!
“I don’t want to be your friend, Kastian.” Something flickered in his eyes, but I couldn’t read it. His face remained emotionless. “I want more than that if it’s still on the table,” I breathed out lowly. God, if he rejected me, I would feel so freakin’ stupid.
Kastian didn’t speak. And the more he stared at me, the faster my heart began to race.
“It’s cool,” I smiled. ‘I don”
“Lox is in jail, and Ryder is a snake. He’s a rat, and I can’t be for sure that he never mentioned my name. I left the game months ago, but that doesn’t matter if the Feds had already started to build a case. I might be going away, baby.” I saw the regret in his eyes, and it broke my heart.
My insides twisted, and all I wanted to do was cry, but I didn’t.
Standing up, I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Then, I want to be with you every day until you go away, and then, I’ll wait for you until you come back.
” My heart was breaking. How could they take my man?
I could cry and be a mess later. For the moment, I didn’t want to waste any time with him.
Kastian wrapped his arms around my waist and spoke in a low tone. “Baby, it’s the Feds. They give out football numbers. If I have multiple people saying I served them weight, I might get double digit numbers.”
I felt the sudden urge to vomit, but I remained cool and calm on the outside. “Then, I’ll be waiting. I’m serious. We’ve wasted enough time. Just let me have until then.”
I had barely finished talking before Kastian crushed his lips into mine. We kissed like long lost lovers reunited after years. The deeper he pushed his tongue into my mouth, the more my yoni began to ache.
“I missed you so fuckin’ much,” I spoke against his lips.
Kastian pulled back and licked his lips. “I’m sure I missed you more. Shit has been rough.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, and I could practically feel the heaviness that he was carrying. I placed my hand on the back of his head and pressed my cheek against the side of his face. We stayed in the embrace for the longest time until his door opened.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”
I turned around at the same time that Kastian stood up. A pretty woman wearing a black dress that accentuated her curvaceous body stood by the door looking like a deer caught in headlights.
“Whether I had company or not, are you supposed to come into my office without knocking?” Kastian didn’t yell. His tone wasn’t even rude. But, he was perturbed, and it showed.
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” The woman pivoted and walked out of the door.
Looking over my shoulder at Kastian, my brows hiked. “Is that your baby mama?”
“What?” he frowned. “Hell no.”
My eyes narrowed as my women’s intuition kicked in. “But you’ve had sex with her?”
Kastian ran one hand down his face and groaned. “Once bro. Just once and never again.”
All I could do was shake my head at him. Men. “So who is your baby mama?” I swallowed hard.
Grabbing my arm, Kastian pulled me into him. “There isn’t one. She had a blighted ovum. The embryo implanted but didn’t develop.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry,” and I genuinely was.
“It’s cool. I’m starting to think my sperm are the problem. Two different women, multiple failed pregnancies.”
“I doubt that. Maybe it’s just not the right time.”
“You’re right about that. As much as I want kids, that shit is on pause. I don’t want to be a telephone daddy raising a child from a jail cell.”
The reminder was like a punch to the gut.
I didn’t even know Ryder like that but learning that he was a snitch was shocking.
Whatever occurred, I was determined to get through it.
The entire situation sucked, but what could we do about it?
Trying to fight feelings and get over him wasn’t working.
It actually felt like torture. If being with him until the Feds snatched him provided just a little relief, then I was down for it. I would worry about later, later.
“I want to go home,” I lightly gripped his chin and placed a kiss on his lips.
“Let’s go.”
Three days, later, Kastian and I were on his yacht.
We had been on the ocean for nine hours and honestly, I didn’t want to leave.
There was a chef on board, and we were getting it in like two sex craved animals.
We had been in bed for the past few hours alternating between having sex and sleeping. Kastian turned on his side to face me.
“I know your company is your baby, and you built it from the ground up. But I was serious when I said we could merge our companies.”
My brows shot up. “No, you weren’t serious. You said when we get married, and we aren’t married.”
“We don’t have to be. Whether I go away or not, I want you straight.
And I know you’re good on your own, but I want you more than good.
Merging with my company won’t take away from anything you’ve accomplished on your own.
I want to see you win, baby. The clients and success you already have could be magnified if we join forces. ”
Shocked was an understatement. I had been doing it on my own for a while, and I was very proud of all that I had accomplished.
I hadn’t had any new clients in almost two weeks, but that was normal.
Money was still good, but I wasn’t rich.
I would feel like a fool if I turned Kastian’s offer down.
But I also didn’t want to think of doing it without him.
Waiting to see if the Feds had built a case against him, was pure torture.
Each day I thought about it, I hated Ryder more and more.
He had to know that Kastian knew something was up.
He’d called him twice since we’d been on the yacht, and Kastain refused to answer for him.
He told me he was afraid of what he’d do to Ryder if he saw him.
I didn’t blame him one bit. Kastian continued to peer at me. “I guess. I mean, thank you. It’s just, I don’t know.” And I honestly didn’t know.
“It’s going to be good. Trust me,” he kissed me. “And if I go away, don’t think if you move on with your life that I’ll get mad and try to take it back or some shit. We can get paperwork drawn up. One thing I can do is separate business from personal.”
My chest tightened. “Why do you keep talking about me moving on? That’s not on my mind right now.”
“But if I get ten or fifteen years, eventually, it will be. I’m a realist baby.
I look at all angles and all possibilities.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything you want out of life.
If I can’t be the man to make that happen for you, then I’ll never hate on your getting it from someone else.
He just better not be a lame ass nigga like David. ”
I laughed through my tears. “I hate you.”
“You know I can’t stand to see a woman cry. Don’t do that. We gon’ be aight. You gon’ be aight.” He kissed me, and my lids fluttered closed.
When I was with Kastian I felt amazing. I couldn’t help but to wonder if this was my karma for marrying David and not having the feelings for him that I did for Kastian. Marriage was a sacred union, but I didn’t marry David because I was in love with him. He was easy, and he was safe.
“So, we just live every day like it’s our last, huh?” I asked.
“That’s all we can do. I don’t regret meeting you though. You let me know that I wasn’t broken,” he chuckled. “I didn’t even think I could like a woman for real. You showed me one better. You showed me that I can love a woman. And love your ass for real.”
I kissed my teeth as more tears filled my eyes. “Why are you so determined to make me cry?”
“The only time I want to see you cry is when my dick is in you, and you have an orgasm so intense that tears fall. That’s the only time. Or maybe on our wedding day. After you give birth to our first child. That’s the only time I’d ever want to see you cry.”
He was killing me. I couldn’t stop crying if I wanted to.
Kastian sat up and pulled the cover off me.
Positioning himself between my legs, he kissed my mound before circling his tongue over my clit.
I didn’t have on panties for him to remove.
We had sex several times and a few showers in between.
I decided getting into bed without panties on was the obvious thing to do.
My kitty was sore but in a good way. As if he knew she had taken a beating, he placed every kiss gently.
He licked and sucked slowly. Kastian made love to my pussy with his mouth and in less than five minutes, I was arching my back and releasing into his mouth.
“Kastian, baby,” I moaned as I lifted my hips off the bed. I rode his face like a wave, and he sucked up every drop of my release.
My body trembled as he continued to place soft kisses on my tender nub.
Kastian’s gaze lifted as he sucked on my clit, and our eyes connected.
My chest heaved up and down as all kinds of emotions ran through me.
I loved Kastian with everything in me. This was what love felt like.
If I had to choose marrying for money or love, I would choose love every single time.
But love had the ability to hurt. Kastian finally released my nub.
Inching upward, he snaked his tongue into my mouth while penetrating me at the same time.
I never wanted him to stop kissing me. I never wanted him to stop stroking me.
I would take his last name, give birth to his babies, wait while he did a bid.
Whatever he wanted I would do it. I had it bad.
“I never knew how much I needed this,” he confessed as he stared into my eyes while stroking me savagely.
“Me either.”
Kastian got his wish because as orgasm number two ripped through my body, a tear escaped the corner of my eye and ran down my face into my ear. The things I was feeling should have been illegal, but I was loving every minute of it.