Chapter 23
WARD
A week or so later, Hannah looked around McKenzie’s place in Lower Manhattan with some surprise. She wasn’t sure what she’d been anticipating, but it hadn’t been a cramped one-bed furnished with stuff that looked like it came from the local Goodwill.
‘Not what you expected, I take it?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘I came here expecting to see some shiny interior-designed bachelor pad aimed at proving that you were a man of taste and means. Instead, I just see what looks like any other ordinary city shoebox.’
‘Spoils the narrative already?’ he teased, unable to keep some of the sarcasm out of his voice. ‘Relax, this is my old place, the only apartment I could afford when I first moved here and signed for the Panthers. I’ve got a couple of other rentals in the city too. Believe it or not, I’m pretty decent at real estate investment.’
He hardly ever came back here though – it was more of a crash pad for whenever he was out with Johnny, or somewhere for his mom to stay the few times she’d come to visit. There were some good memories here – but there were some bad ones, too.
In this space, he reverted to the hopeful rookie he was – before success came along and everything changed so fast it was as if he was caught up in a dream.
The place was minimally decorated but comfortably furnished with chairs, a couch and a basic bedroom set that was simple and functional. Once upon a time, that was the kind of person Ward was too; simple and functional.
Things changed, though. People changed. He had definitely changed. There were times when he’d find himself looking in the mirror and wondering who in the hell the stranger looking back at him was. He wished things could be simple again – that he could be the guy he’d once been (minus the money problems obviously). That wasn’t how the world worked, though. No rewinding life back to where you’d been happiest. All you could do was look to the future and hope some was waiting for you there, too.
Today Hannah’s hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she had on a sunshine-yellow blouse and jeans. Her white trainers were the kind anyone could buy in their local Walmart but for some reason, on her, they looked expensive. She had a way, he realized, of bringing out the best in everything around her.
Today he’d even arrived early for their meeting. It hadn’t been on purpose, though he couldn’t help but feel it was a better look than what he had offered her before – showing up late or drunk. He had even taken the time to shave.
While he was still having some trouble with his gait, at least he looked fresher and had benefited from a sober night’s sleep, determined to lay off the booze for a bit too.
Ward told himself he was doing all this to impress Hannah professionally, but looking at her now, sitting all cute and comfortable amid his stuff like she belonged there, his mind wandered to what it might be like to share life with a girl like her.
But just as quickly stopped himself. Now that was dangerous play.
She chuckled. ‘Actually the more I think about it, I see how I can make this work. I asked you to show me a side of yourself you’d be happy to share with the world, and that’s what this place is. You could have showcased some macho bachelor crib more fitting to a pro player, but that’s not what you did. Instead, you chose to meet me somewhere from your past – a place representing a time when life was simpler.’
He continued to be surprised at how goddamn perceptive she could be too.
Had he deliberately picked this place to meet, one that downplayed the image the world had of him? Had he gone out of his way to highlight, not to the stupid public but to her – that he was, deep down, just an ordinary guy?
She took out her phone and set it down on the small coffee table between them. Ward could see onscreen some app designed to mimic an old-style pocket-tape recorder, and his stomach instinctively tightened. ‘What’s that?’
‘I’m just going to ask you a few questions and all I want is for you to answer them honestly. I know you’re afraid of letting down your guard, Ward, but I promise you that I’m not going to do anything to jeopardise your career or your privacy.’
His jaw tightened. ‘I’m not afraid of anything.’
She seemed to be stifling a smile. ‘Sorry, yes, reluctant is the word I meant to use.’
Suddenly he wanted to get the hell out of there. He’d told himself this was just another interview with just another person from the PR world. Granted, this particular person wasn’t like most of the others, but he was familiar enough with this stuff to understand the rules at least, if not the game itself.
He could handle this. He was a professional.
He guessed now he should feel lucky to have this chance – to be here, able to sit with someone like Hannah, who, it seemed, really did want to help him salvage his career.
Thanks to her straight-talking, he’d been forced to acknowledge that in an alternative reality, he could be some working stiff who had to punch in and out of an office every day chasing a brass ring, and answering to an endless array of middle managers about one meaningless report after another while they timed his lunch breaks. Just like his mom always wanted.
Instead, he was living his dream. Not someone else’s. He didn’t have to fit inside a nameless, faceless box that some corporate overlord dictated. Though to be fair, Panthers owner Craig Sumners pretty much fit that bill. Still, Ward’s office was the rink. His job description required a set of skates, a helmet, a couple of smelly gloves and a badass exterior. He was even allowed to start fights at work. But lately, he had been stupid enough to think that he was invincible.
Hannah’s brutal assessment of him had brought him to his senses. He knew he had to be extremely careful around her though, because he’d already seen she was the kind of person who managed to get people to let their guard down.
He didn’t want to let his guard down. Especially not with her.
All you need to do is stay focused and watch what you say. And chill. She’s not some kind of witch. She’s just a publicist who happens to be very good at her job. And most important of all, she wants to help.
‘Let’s start with something easy,’ Hannah began, and again there was something about her that made him feel as if they were the only two people in the world and he could tell her anything. He swallowed hard.
Focus, man. Focus. ‘Shoot.’
‘Were you always athletic? When you were in high school, were you team captain, stuff like that?’
He took a deep breath and shook his head. ‘When I was in high school, I was about as un athletic as a guy could be. I was skinny and awkward and I got bullied more often than I care to remember. My freshman and sophomore years were nightmares too. Then over the summer before my junior year, something happened. I think that all the hormones that were supposed to kick in earlier finally had their moment, and the next thing I knew, I was starting to fill out. That gave me the confidence to try out for a couple of things. I didn’t make the football team or the baseball team, but I landed on the ice with the hockey guys – and that’s when I fell in love with the game.’
He looked at Hannah and was surprised to see her frowning.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, anxiety instantly flaring.
‘It’s just that – well, I didn’t expect to find out that you were bullied. I had you pegged as one of those popular jock types who had a golden time in high school. Homecoming King and all that.’
Ward snorted. ‘Nope, high school was a mess – even when I started doing well in sports. I had zero confidence and always felt like an outsider.’ He found himself trying to figure out just what it was about Hannah that made him open up like this, travel down side paths he normally stayed away from. He’d always managed to stay away from publicly discussing his high school days. Too many unpleasant memories to be found there.
She was dangerous, actually.
Everything he’d built could so easily fall apart if Ward wasn’t careful. He’d spent years studying; watching and learning what kind of person he needed to become to get to where he was and with just a couple of missteps, it could all come crashing down.
That couldn’t happen. He needed to ensure that mask stayed on good and tight.
Because now, people looked up to him. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him – and neither would if they could truly see the real him.
Behind it, he was a fraud – a phoney. All that bravado, all that swagger that he’d perfected over the years … at the end of the day, when the cameras were gone, Ward was home all by himself, wishing he could find someplace off the field he belonged – or a way to look at his reflection in the mirror one day and not hate what he saw.