Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
Pen
August tries his best not to be upset about my assault and bike.
But in some ways, I know it haunts him more than it does me.
While I’m mostly angry when I think about it, he’s afraid for me and guilt ridden.
The guilt intensifies when I tell him I’m going to finish off the semester with remote learning.
“It’s your last month in college,” he says, visibly distressed. “You should be able to enjoy it to the fullest.”
“August, you need to believe me when I say I’m not in the least upset about not going to class. Not everyone has the same college experience. For you, it was a whirlwind of football, parties, and fun—”
“Not all fun,” he mutters, pulling me onto his lap like he needs the physical contact. “A lot of it was stressful as hell.”
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have implied it wasn’t.”
“No.” He huffs out a dry laugh. “It was a pretty accurate assessment, all in all.”
“I only meant that, for me, college has always felt more like a job. I went to class, did the work, and that’s about it. I never joined teams or clubs, never really partied.”
August frowns, tracing the curve of my neck in concern. “Did you want to?”
“I don’t know. I think if I did, I would have. It just wasn’t me. Not really.” I rub his broad chest with slow strokes; turns out I constantly need to touch him too. “I don’t have regrets. I am who I am.”
“I like who you are too,” he whispers against the crown of my head. “I like it so much, Penelope.”
Those words sink into my heart and grab hold. I find myself taking his hand and placing a kiss in the center of his wide palm. My heart squeezes harder when he makes a fist as though clutching that kiss close.
“There’s only a few weeks left,” I whisper back. “I won’t miss anything by going remotely.”
Four days after the incident, August surprised me with my bike, completely restored and a custom riding jacket with armor that’s also light, breathable, and fits my curves like a glove.
I’ll sleep easier knowing my girl is protected when she rides, he’d told me when I tackled him with kisses.
MayDay: So who’s ready to par-tay on the big boat besides me?
MadMarch: Is that Speed 2. God. No. May. Why? Just why?
JuneBug: I thought we agreed that movie didn’t happen! Annie sped off with Keanu into the LA sunset! END OF STORY!!!
MayDay: You two wouldn’t know good cinema if it bit you on the ass
No1Luck: your taste is dubious at best, MayDay. And my boat is not big enough for a party
MadMarch: that’s what she said
No1Luck: Keep talking, Michael Scott. See what happens.
MayDay: Ooh, what happens? I wanna see!
RcktMan: Will it be like the time Jan made March slap himself? Cuz that was awesome
MadMarch: shut it you! Remember the FROG?
RcktMan: Right. Jan’s a dick. And who the fuck named me in this chat? MARCH!
MadMarch: Why you coming after me? I want to give the person a beer for that one
RcktMan: fuckos
LuckyPenny: I did what I had to! Believe me, it was better than SoulBroChickn they workshopped earlier.
RcktMan: Penelope? How could you!
LuckyPenny: I repeat, they wanted to call you SoulBroChickn! Suck it up, RcktMan
JuneBug: Our girl has teeth. Heh.
No1Luck: She’s one of us now.
MadMarch: I for one welcome our new evil overlord, Lucky Penny
LuckyPenny: Thank you, thank you. I want you to carry on with the dreary normal things you normal people do. Let’s just have fun with this!
JuneBug: Calm down there, Megamind
LuckyPenny: :D And I was supposed to be PennyWise!
MayDay: NO CLOWNS!!!
RcktMan: My girl is too cute to be a murder clown
LuckyPenny: D’awww
MayDay: I think I prefer the clown
No1Luck: FFs keep it holstered, SOULChicken
RcktMan: You can’t see it, but I’m flipping you all off.
No1Luck: Can’t wait til you’re all here. No, really. What time do you arrive? I’ll schedule the next plane out
MadMarch: We have a key, bro
RcktMan: We’ll make ourselves nice and comfortable
No1Luck: Fuck
LuckyPenny: He loves you guys SOO much!
MayDay: IKR?!?
No1Luck: see you chuckleheads on Mon
Pen
I find it a relief to get out of town the weekend before Thanksgiving. I think August does too. And so now we’re in Texas, driving up the long, private road to January’s house for a mini vacation. We’d met May and June at the airport and driven in together.
“You’ll love Jan’s house,” June tells me from the back seat of our rental. “It faces the lake.”
We’d been catching glittering glimpses of the massive lake as we drove.
I crane my neck to see as August turns the corner, and the house comes into view.
It’s a Texas modern ranch house—cut stone, charcoal-colored board-and-batten siding, and big industrial windows.
The wide wraparound porch is screened in on both wings but open at the center.
Jan walks out, his body limned in the light of the doorway. He jogs over and hugs his sisters as soon as they get out of the car—picking them off their feet to twirl around until they laugh and demand to be put down.
I smile at their antics, but squawk in surprise as I’m soon treated to the same. Jan chuckles as he sets me down, then kisses my cheek.
“Better get used to it, Penny. You’re one of us now.”
“One of us!” May leaps onto my back, pushing me further into Jan’s hold. He laughs and adjusts his grip to tuck both of us under each arm. With a gentle squeeze, he walks May and me up the stairs.
“Get the bags, little bro,” he calls over his shoulder.
“Asshole,” August says with good humor.
I’d always been welcome and a close family friend, but this change feels significant.
As though they’re doing their best to make it clear I’m a Luck now.
It feels both wonderful and terrifying. As an only child, there’s a certain yearning in me for all their boisterous warmth, the laughter and company.
It touches me deeply that they accept me so fully.
And yet, August and I aren’t really engaged.
Yes, we’re together now. But they’re treating me like we’re a done deal, a sure thing.
Having been left behind by my father—someone who should have cherished me unconditionally—letting myself sink completely into the Luck family feels fraught. I want it so badly. I want August so badly. Forever and always. But these things haven’t been said.
I should take that leap of faith. But a small part of me, the little girl who was left behind, stubbornly waits to hear it from him first. She needs it.
Maybe my father fucked me up more than I want to admit.
Shaking off dark thoughts, I follow Jan inside.
June was right, I love the space. Old, weathered cypress boards over a foot-wide creak.
Much like my house, it’s a ranch with old beams overhead and wings branching out from a center hall.
But where I have smooth stucco walls, Jan’s place has a lot of stacked stone and more board-and-batten walls.
The furniture is substantial, deep gray velvet couches, camel-colored leather chairs, heavy oak tables and chairs. It’s cozy but not stuffy.
A fire crackles in the hearth, and the lamps glow warmly. Jan heads for a long walnut-topped bar that faces a wall of glass doors and the silvery lake beyond. June, May, and I take a seat on the barstools as he plays bartender, fixing up apple cider old-fashioneds.
“Where do you want us?” August calls from the hall. He’s laden with bags, the bulk of them May and June’s, but they don’t appear to weigh him down in the least. Ah, to be that strong. I’d probably toss logs for fun.
“The girls have the blue room. You’re in plaid.”
“Plaid,” I question, as Jan slides a drink before me. “Thanks.”
The corners of his glacial-blue eyes crinkle. “They honestly look the same except one has a dark blue throw on the end of the bed and the other has a plaid one. Let’s see if he can figure it out.”
Laughing, I raise my glass to Jan and take a sip. Who am I to get in the way of brotherly shenanigans?
“Asshole,” August repeats, striding in a few minutes later. “Think I don’t know what you’re doing?”
Jan chuckles and hands him a cocktail. “I let you off easy this time.”
Remembering the story about the frog, I grin up at August, sliding my arm around his waist. He reads me well and raises a brow in mock warning. “Don’t you go getting on his side. You’re my girl, not this dirtbag’s.”
He places a soft kiss on my smiling mouth as if to remind me.
June and May instantly make gagging sounds. Mature-like.
Over my shoulder, August flips them off and kisses me again. “You taste like apples.”
“Ugh.” May wrinkles her nose. “I’m never going to get used to August being mushy. It isn’t right. It’s like someone took over his body.”
“And replaced it with a tub of goo,” June deadpans. “Remind me again why we were happy these two made it official?”
“We’re not really official,” I burst out.
A pregnant pause fills the room. Heat prickles my cheeks as I feel August stiffen beside me. But he keeps his warm hand light and easy on the back of my neck. I glance around and find his siblings trying their best not to make eye contact.
The flush grows. “I mean, official as in engaged. Obviously, we’re together. Not fake together but really together. I mean, you know the whole tasting like apples thing and all the sex we’ve been—”
“Here.” June pushes over a bowl. “Have a nut. They’re delicious.”
Giving her the stink eye, I take a cashew and eat it.
August breaks the silence by chuckling. It’s warm and slightly rough, and the sound eases into me. He strokes my back in solidarity then kisses my cheek. “She stopped you at the good part. I want to hear more about all the sex we—”
He ducks as his siblings ping him with cashews. “Assholes.”