Chapter 30 #2
Dean set the drinks in front of us—it didn’t slip past me he served Ruby’s drink first. “Mocktails for the ones who are celebrating this holiday sober.” He placed drinks in front of Chloe and Betty that looked identical to mine. “You guys ready to order?”
I put the last cheese curd in my mouth before I ordered everything fried from the menu.
Bower showed up to the bar right as I stuffed the last of my burger into my mouth.
My stomach finally stopped growling at me, and I was on my second firecracker.
I watched him check in with Dean and stop to shoot the shit with the regulars sitting around the bar. He didn’t once look at me or our table.
“There’s your man,” Ruby whispered, looking over at him.
“I’m going to go say hi,” I said, standing up. He must not have seen me yet. The bar and restaurant were busy. It was a holiday after all.
I stood at the edge of the bar, waiting for him to notice me. Dean saw me first, winking at me before tapping Bower on the shoulder and pointing at me. Bower wrapped up his conversation with a customer and came over to me, his face void of emotion.
I smiled at him as he put his hands on the bar and leaned against it, his short-sleeved Henley showing off his tattoos.
“What can I get you?” he asked. Like I was a customer, not the girl he’d just had sex with last night.
I frowned. Was he okay? Physically, he looked fine. He had his hat on backward, like usual. The scruff growing on his face looked a little longer than it had last night—like maybe he hadn’t trimmed it this morning.
“We stayed out late last night,” I said with a forced laugh, trying to sound laid back. “I didn’t wake up until three this afternoon.”
Bower looked at me, only blinking a couple times.
We stared at each other, long enough without exchanging words that alarm bells rang inside my head.
Something was wrong. Was he still suffering from the flashback?
Was he having a hard time recovering? After what had happened last night, both the sex and his breakdown, he needed to talk to me—but he just stood there, waiting for me to tell him what I wanted to drink.
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked.
A pained look briefly crossed his face, a twitch so slight that anyone else would have missed it. “Do you want another firecracker?” Bower asked.
I looked at him, dumbfounded. My jaw might have hinged open.
Was this the same man who’d called me “baby” multiple times last night while we’d been naked?
I wasn’t some sixteen-year-old girl with hearts in her eyes, and Bower wasn’t some teenage punk who’d just wanted to get off.
He was a grown man, and I was a grown woman.
What we’d had last night wasn’t some one-night stand.
No matter what had happened last night, there was history between us. He couldn’t just brush me off.
Someone across the bar called out for Bower, and he waved at them before turning back to me. “Let me know if I can get you anything.” He looked at me for another second before turning around to tend to the customer.
Someone could’ve sunk a knife into my stomach and I would be in less pain than I was in now. What was going on? This wasn’t Bower. What had happened between last night and now to make him act like this? Minus the flashback, he’d been fine. Quiet but fine.
I hadn’t expected him to sweep me off my feet, bend me over, and kiss me in the middle of the bar, but a smile or a hug would’ve been nice. Any acknowledgment of what had happened last night.
I walked back to the table and fell into my seat, my butt hitting the chair with a thud. The entire table, minus Betty, looked over at me.
“He wanted to know if I needed another drink,” I said by way of explanation for my loud return to the table.
“What?” Ruby asked.
“He asked if I needed another firecracker.”
“Wait, I’m so confused.”
“So am I,” I said. “We had such a nice night, and now he acts like he doesn’t know who I am.”
“Did something happen last night? You know, besides…” Ruby wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“I mean, the boat misfired on our way back and he had a panic attack,” I said. “I helped him come out of it. I thought we were fine, more than fine, but now he won’t talk to me.”
Caleb’s entire body language changed. He tensed up, and his legs started bouncing under the table, making the entire tabletop shake.
“Caleb?” I asked. He obviously wanted to say something.
“It’s not my place to say anything, but I might have some insight for you,” he said. He glanced at the bar, looking at Bower, who was elbows deep in the ice well.
“I think it’s time to go home and have some tea,” Chloe told Betty, standing up, pushing the chair out from the table. “She gets temperamental in the evenings,” Chloe whispered to the table. “Well, it’s been a fun night. So nice to see everyone.”
“If that’s your idea of a fun night, I feel sorry for you,” Betty grumbled, walking alongside her toward the door.
I watched them leave before turning back to Caleb. Everyone was acting so weird tonight.
“Chloe always gets uncomfortable when I talk about my time over there.” Caleb waited for her to leave the bar before he continued. “We all brought home a lot of baggage. Chloe’s seen what I’ve been through since I’ve been back. It affects all of us differently. I can only tell you my perspective.”
He let out a breath, his hands rubbing his face.
“Bower and I served together in the same platoon over in Syria. We’d go on daily patrols around the city.
We were meant to be there, visible to the citizens, backing up our Syrian partners who’d eventually fully take over the daily patrols,” he said.
“Every day we’d dress for battle—we had to be prepared for the worst-case scenario, but of course that didn’t happen every day.
We’d be out there day after day for months patrolling, staying vigilant.
We’d walk for hours waiting for something to happen.
For someone to shoot at us, for an explosive to drop.
Usually nothing happened, but we always knew it could.
We were always ‘on,’ prepared, anticipating something horrible happening to us.
We listened to gunshots take out our friends.
” He paused. “Losing Gus was the hardest.”
Caleb took another moment and a deep breath.
“Day after day, we would wait for something to kill us. Luckily nothing did, and we left the service physically unscathed. But I still feel like I’m waiting.
I haven’t been able to turn off that switch.
I’m constantly on edge, waiting for something terrible to happen. ”
“That sounds miserable,” Ruby said.
“I mean, it can be, but I’ve got Chloe to lean on. She’s been there through my transition back to civilian life. It’s getting better. The job Bower gave me keeps me busy.”
“Who does Bower have to lean on?” I asked.
Caleb shrugged. “I’m here if he ever wants to talk. He hasn’t said much about our time serving since we’ve been back. He’s been closed off about the whole thing, not wanting to bring attention to it.”
“Well, shit, he must be dealing with some stuff right now,” Ruby said.
“Like I said, everyone brought something home, some sort of baggage. For me it’s sand. I can’t feel that fucking stuff on my skin. It brings me back to places I don’t want to revisit.”
“I get that,” I said, smiling knowingly at Caleb. “The sand bothers me too.”
He smiled back. “Maybe you can get Bower to talk to you about it?”
“I’d love to,” I said, “if he’ll talk to me about something other than what I’m drinking…”
“When I got back, Chloe did a bunch of research and found some good veteran organizations that would point him in the right direction if he decides he needs help,” Caleb said. “I could pass those along to you.”
I nodded. Sure, if I could ever get Bower to talk to me again. I looked over at the bar. Dean was the only one standing behind it.
It was dark again. The resort was still awake, everyone waiting for fireworks to begin.
I needed to find Bower and shake him, hug him, whatever would make him talk to me. I wasn’t going to let him go, get away without talking to me about what was going on. His cabin was the first place I’d look.
“Where are you going, Mia?” Chloe’s voice startled me. I turned to see her and Betty on the rocking chairs on the porch outside the lodge. “Fireworks are about to start—wouldn’t want to miss them.” She motioned to an empty chair next to her. “Come sit with us. We have the perfect view.”
“Thanks, Chloe, but I’m actually looking for Bower.”
“It’s that time, isn’t it?”
For the fireworks show? I nodded absentmindedly, walking closer to the porch. Mosquitos and moths hit the outdoor lights repeatedly, trying to get closer to the warm bulb. I turned and waved, walking in the direction of his cabin.
“Mia?”
I stopped and looked back at Chloe, who’d gotten up from her rocker. “I don’t know if you’re going to like what you see.”
My steps hastened, breaking out into a jog. What was Bower doing at his cabin? A loud pop filled the air right before red sparks filled the sky. The beginning of the firework show.
Bower’s cabin was dark. Not even the outside light was on. I knocked on the door twice, waiting for an answer.
Tentatively, I tested the door handle, and it opened. The main room of the cabin was dark. Only the green light from the digital clock on the stove lit the space.
I stepped inside, letting my eyes adjust. It was even darker in here than it was outside. Another firework popped, the sparks crackling in the sky as they disappeared.
The sound of running water filled the silence after the explosions of the fireworks faded. I took a quick look at the sink, but it was off.