Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
“You sure we need all this?” I look pointedly at Kellan, who’s staring at the items in the cart. And yeah, maybe I went a little overboard, but I want to fix this for him. When I heard his voice on the phone tonight—when he told me he had fucked up—I thought he’d relapsed.
That he was sitting out on that porch in agony—knowing he let his siblings down. I couldn’t stand the thought of him blaming himself, and on the drive to his house, I was thinking of how I could help. How I could find a great rehab program and maybe take care of the kids while he was getting sober again—so many ways I’d have broken all the rules for him.
I need to get myself in check—but I’m afraid I’m already in too deep for that. But thankfully—he didn’t go back to drugs and alcohol. He forgot Raegan’s birthday—which sucks—but in the grand scheme of things isn’t so bad. And it’s something I knew instantly I could make a little better.
I start to put things on the belt and grab my wallet out of my pocket. “We do. We really do,” I answer, and he stares at the debit card I pull from my wallet. I can see it makes him nervous—me paying for this—but I try to make light of it. “My treat. I’m kind of growing fond of the kid.” I wink at him, and thankfully, he smiles at that.
Growing fond is a mild way of putting it, and it’s not just Raegan. All four kids, I’m learning, are incredible. I mean that, truly. And I deal with a lot of kids. But Braylen, he’s so cute with his big blue eyes that are way too large for his face at the moment but make him endearing.
He’s starting to like school a little more, from what I can gather. Making friends. Even though he’s shy, the more outgoing kids in class seem to be drawn to him and are hellbent on pulling him out of his shell.
Kieran, I’ve found, is extremely book smart. Like genius level. He loves to read, and I’m not talking about books for ten-year-olds. He loves to read way above his level, and history is his favorite subject in school.
Raegan—she’s a tough cookie—but she’s had to be. The only girl out of five kids. Her mother, the only female role model she had, was obsessed with male attention and hooked on drugs from a young age. Raegan has told me a couple of times that her greatest fear is being anything like her mother. She wants to be a great artist, and from the drawings she’s shown me, she’s well on her way to that.
Cason—phew, that kid may never fully open up to me, but I’ve noticed he’s found a slight kinship with Tatum from the rare glimpses I’ve seen of the two together. Tatum has only been at two of the dinners I’ve made for the family. And both times, he sat next to Cason, and they held pretty long conversations without any sneering.
And then of course, there’s the oldest brother of the brood—one I cannot stop thinking about. Talking about dating and apps the other day was such a bad idea because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since then. About what it would be like to actually go on a date with him.
I try to push those thoughts away as I check out, and we drive back to his house. When we get there, Tatum is in the living room with Braylen and Cason, sitting on the couch and watching wrestling on the television.
It’s loud, and the wrestlers are way over-the-top, but Braylen seems to be enjoying it, and Cason doesn’t look as murdery as normal. “Hey.” Tatum stands up and walks over to us, looking at the bags in our hands. His eyes meet Kellan’s. “Cason told me about Rae. I’m sorry, man.”
Kellan stiffens but seems to relax marginally when Tatum puts his beefy hand on his shoulder and squeezes. God, what I’d do to be able to be the one touching Kellan right now.
But I rally and hold the bags up, striding toward the kitchen. “The night’s not over! Cason, Braylen, you guys want to help me?”
They both follow me, Braylen clearly excited, and Cason—I’m sure it has more to do with curiosity than anything, but I’ll take it. I start to pull everything out of the bags when I reach the kitchen table, and Cason picks up some of the streamers we bought. “Seriously?”
“Yup,” I say, letting the p sound pop and hand him some tape. “Can you start hanging these up and maybe blow up some balloons?”
“You really think Rae cares about streamers and balloons?”
“Yup,” I say again with a bright smile.
He grumbles, but he does what I ask, and Tatum and Kellan join us as we all quickly decorate the place with black-and-white birthday decor, and I quickly wrap a couple of presents. Just some nail polish—red and black—because it seems very Rae, and a gift card or two.
I put fourteen candles in the cake and look around the room. Not too shabby for an hour’s notice. I tell Braylen to go get his brother and sister while I light the candles on the cake. I secure my hat on my head after handing them out to Tatum, Kellan, and Cason, who all look at me like I’m insane but still humor me and slip them on their heads.
I pick up the cake, candles lit, and we all wait, standing side by side until Braylen leads a very suspicious and annoyed-looking Raegan and Kieran out to us. I yell, “Surprise,” and then launch into a rendition of Happy Birthday that takes the others way too long to get into, but they finally do.
Raegan stares at me and the cake after we finish singing, like she’s not quite sure what to do. “Happy birthday! Make a wish, Rae,” I say happily, hoping this plan doesn’t backfire.
She looks over at Kellan, annoyance multiplying as she folds her arms. “You think this really makes up for you forgetting?”
Kellan’s big shoulders sag, and he shakes his head. “No. Not at all, but I’m trying, Rae. I’m so damn sorry I forgot today was your birthday.”
He looks so down and hopeless as he stares at his sister, his remorse written all over his face. I silently plead with Raegan to forgive him, but I let them have this moment. She huffs and drops her arms, looking back at the cake. “Whatever.” She huffs out a big breath and blows out all her candles before looking back at me. “Thanks.”
“It sucks that we all forgot, but it doesn’t have anything to do with how much we care about you, kiddo,” I say and place the cake on the table. Picking up three hats and handing them to Rae, Braylen, and Kieran. They all have the same look on their faces as the others did but also seem to relent and put their hats on. “Plus, we get to have cake. Chocolate cake,” I say exaggeratedly, and Raegan snorts.
“Pass.”
“Are you kidding?” I gasp. “You can’t pass on the cake. That’s blasphemous,” I tease. “But we do have a couple of presents too.” I wink at her, holding up presents. She reluctantly takes those, of course. Opening them while Tatum and Kellan cut slices of cake.
She even nibbles on a piece of cake, so I’m going to call this a win. When she opens the last present though, she holds it up with one raised eyebrow. “A calendar?”
Kellan looks at it, and I guess he didn’t notice me placing it in the cart because he looks a little confused too. I bite nervously on my bottom lip and shrug as I take it from her. “It’s magnetic and comes with dry erase markers.” I place it on the side of the fridge and take a dry erase marker to write in the days for this month. Taking extra care to add Raegan’s birthday to today’s date. “This should help keep track of the days a little. My mom has one and swears by it.”
I look around the room at all the confused, bewildered faces. I think I may have botched this one until Rae’s eyes light up and I see a little dimple in her right cheek pop that I didn’t even know was there. “Thanks, Phillip. That’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah! I want my birthday on there,” Braylen says, reaching his hand out for the marker.”
“Your birthday is in December,” Cason says.
“December 11th,” Kellan says with a grin, pointing out he does in fact know the kids’ birthdays. Something I never doubted.
“Well, there is a notes section. How about everyone who doesn’t have a birthday in October, we write them down there?” I ask, and everyone nods as the kids tell me their birthdays, and I write them down.
All in all, I’m going to call this a win. Hell, Raegan even gives Kellan and me big hugs before she heads off to bed. Kieran, Braylen, and Cason follow soon after, and it’s just Tatum, Kellan, and me picking up the mess.
“This was pretty cool, social worker.”
I laugh at the way Tatum addresses me and put the leftover cake in the fridge. “So cool you might actually call me by my name and not social worker ?”
“Don’t push it,” the much bigger guy says to me, and Kellan pushes him with one hand, barely making his massive body move.
“Be nice.”
“I’m always nice,” Tatum says, and Kellan just shakes his head at his friend before his blue eyes meet mine.
“Thank you for this. She looked pretty happy.”
“Yeah, didn’t know Rae could smile,” Tatum says with a grin of his own.
“You’re welcome,” I say. “But it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
Tatum snorts, looking at Kellan. “Can you imagine a social worker throwing you a birthday party?” Kellan shakes his head, and Tatum just nods grimly, his eyes meeting mine. “Me neither.” For a moment, I think he’s going to call me out for my odd behavior, but his smile is kind. “It’s pretty damn cool.”
“It is,” Kellan agrees, and I find myself blushing now. Great. I’ve gone back to shy teenager mode. Awesome.
Soon, Tatum leaves because, apparently, he has some side work scheduled tomorrow, and when Kellan offered to help, he waved him off. Though I suspect the money from the side work will benefit this little family in some way. My respect for him ratchets up every single time I’m around him.
After we finish cleaning up, Kellan plops down on the couch and pats the cushion for me to join him. My heart is beating wildly in my chest at the thought of being alone with him and sitting that close. I know I probably shouldn’t, but I also know I’m going to.
I sit down, keeping a safe-ish distance. “You’re a really good friend,” he says softly, and I get lost in his eyes when he speaks.
“You’re a really good big brother.”
He snorts, self-deprecating and no humor there. “I forgot her birthday. I can’t believe I did that. I was there for all of them. Every birthday until I just wasn’t. I should have remembered.”
I hate that he’s beating himself up about this. “You made it up to her.” I smile. “Let’s face it, seeing her big tattooed, muscled brother in a party hat and his even bigger even more tattooed best friend in a hat singing horribly off key at the top of his lungs made her very, very happy.”
He does laugh at that, shaking his head. “Fucking Tatum.”
“He’s a good friend too.”
He nods his head slowly. “The best. He’s like another brother to me.”
I can’t lie. Hearing that Kellan only sees the good-looking large man as a brother, it’s a relief to me.
“I feel terrible that he had to leave his house.”
I feel bad about that still, even though I know it was protocol, and no way I could have justified an unrelated man living with four minors. “You get through this year, and you get permanent custody, then you can make whatever decisions you want to. It’s clear the kids already think of Tatum as another big brother. Maybe one who annoys them, but they trust him.”
He grins. “He’s easy to trust.” We sit silently for another moment, and then he says, “You know, that bath idea was a terrible one.”
“What?” I say, looking over at him. “You tried it?”
“Well, sort of.” He shifts a little, looking uncomfortable, and I find myself moving a little closer to him on the couch. “It started out as a shower, and then I kind of let it turn into a very cold bath.”
I shudder at that and shake my head. “No. That’s not how you do it. You have to start it out as a bath, add bubbles or salts. Run it warm, and sink into it.”
By the grim look on his face, I sense there was more to it, but I don’t push him. There’s so much pain hiding behind those big blue eyes of his. But then I see it—his eyes aren’t looking at mine. Nope. They’re settled right on my mouth.
My heart gives a desperate flutter, and God, I want to lean into him. It’s a magnetic pull as he starts to lean in, and as much as I want to feel his lips brush over mine, I know I can’t do this.
I jump up, almost comically, and nearly fall right on my ass when I trip over something on the floor—a notebook, I think—as I head toward the door in a hurry. “I have to go.”
“What?” He looks slightly out of it as he rises from the couch to follow me. “Why?”
I could lie. I should lie. But as he reaches me when I get to the front door, I can’t. “Because I think maybe you were about to kiss me.”
His voice is deep, rumbly, and oh so sexy when he leans in a little closer, his eyes moving to my lips again and then settling on my eyes. “Yes. I was.”
I swallow hard, swaying into him, wanting so badly to give in, but I just rest my hand over his heart instead. “I want that so badly too,” I say honestly, my voice hoarse. “So badly.”
“Me too.” His eyes are deadly serious, his vulnerability slicing through me.
I hold him there and keep myself in place, with just my hand on his chest and look deep into his eyes. “But Kellan, if your lips touch mine, there’s no going back. And that’s a line I can’t cross.”
He takes his time processing that. I can’t help wondering if he’s as at war with himself as I am right now, but he doesn’t say a word. He just smiles and then leans forward, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “Goodnight, Phillip. Thank you for tonight. For everything.”
I can’t find any words at the moment, my throat is too dry to speak anyway, so I just nod my head and wave at him before slipping out the front door.
Even though our lips didn’t touch, that move was just as devastating.