Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
“This is pretty cool. Thanks.” Okay, that was a whole sentence from Cason. I’m calling this Christmas a hit. I couldn’t afford a brand-new gaming system for the kids, but I did manage to get a refurbished one that was in really good condition.
They each got a couple of games and seem fairly pleased. I got some books for Kieran, toys for Braylen, art supplies for Rae, and Cason wound up with a gift card because that’s what he wanted most.
Tatum and my amazing boyfriend, Phillip, got them all a few things. I really like the sound of boyfriend , I have to say. Not something I ever thought I’d have—but I’m enjoying it all the same.
There’s still a deep worry there though—that it can’t be real. That he’ll leave—everyone always leaves. That the kids will get too attached, and I’ll mess it all up. But thankfully, Phillip is pretty good at calming me down.
If the kids think it’s weird that Phillip is here on Christmas morning, they don’t say it, so I’m going to say they don’t find it weird at all. These kids hold nothing back. I kind of expected today to be gloomy—but somehow, it’s actually fun.
After presents, Phillip and I make breakfast before everyone spreads out and does their own thing for a bit. I want to drag Phillip to my bedroom, but of course I can’t, so I do my best to pay attention as he goes over the Christmas feast he’s preparing for a late lunch.
Which turns out to be delicious.
By the end of the day, we’re all totally worn out, and I want more than anything for my present to be getting to go home with Phillip—but I can’t leave the kids. We agreed we weren’t going to exchange physical gifts—spending our money on the kids instead, like an old married couple.
I can’t say that thought scares me either. It’s crazy—falling so hard and so fast—it hit me out of nowhere. The terrifying thought is that I’ll lose it. I don’t know how to hold onto a guy like Phillip, even if he assures me that can never happen.
I want to believe him. So damn badly.
* * *
By New Years Eve, I’m dying to see Phillip. I haven’t seen him since Christmas because he had to go out of town the day after for a conference, and he just got back today.
Tatum is here, and we made popcorn, watching the countdown, but no one seems really into it. No one really has that much of an attitude though, so again I’m calling it a win.
It’s been strange lately—how good everything has been, and honestly, I’m just waiting for the storm to roll in. There’s no way it’s not coming. For now though, the kids are home for winter break, and I’m just trying to sit back and enjoy.
But my mind is on Phillip all night. I want to kiss him at midnight, I realize, and when the kids give up on watching the ball drop and go to their rooms, I must look all kinds of pathetic.
Tatum nudges me with his arm in the side to get my attention. “What?”
“Go be with your man.”
I stare at him, my mouth gaping open. I know I didn’t just hear what I think I did. “What?”
He rolls his eyes at me and tosses a piece of popcorn at my face—which bounces off my cheek, and he laughs. “Do you really think you’ve been subtle? You’re totally fucking the social worker.”
I look over my shoulder quickly, checking to see if anyone is there. When I’m sure there isn’t, I hiss, “Keep it down. And how do you know that?”
His grin is cocky and annoying. “Oh please. I think I knew it before you did. But the way you two look at each other? Gaga.”
“Not gaga.” I try to act annoyed, but mostly I’m freaked-out. We’re obvious? Do the kids know? Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Relax.” He puts the popcorn down and turns to me, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. “They don’t know. They just think Phillip is way too obsessed with his job.”
“He does care about his job,” I say strongly because Phillip cannot lose his job, and I know how Tatum feels about social workers—even if he’s slightly softened on Phillip.
“I know, but he cares about you too, right?”
I nod my head, unable to lie. “And I care about him .”
“I know,” he says with a smirk. “I can tell, remember? You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll take it to my grave.”
My shoulders lose some of the tension I was feeling. “And him being a guy...” I look away for a moment, not sure why I feel the need to ask. It wouldn’t change anything if he had a problem with it. Well—not between Phillip and me anyway. “That doesn’t surprise you?”
I chance a look at him and see how sincere his face has become. “I didn’t know you were interested in guys like that. But if you think it bothers me even in the slightest, you don’t know me as well as I thought.”
I nod slowly, taking his words in. “I didn’t know I was either. Not until him.”
He seems to process that slowly but still doesn’t seem bothered. “I just want you to be happy. It’s good to see you doing something for yourself for once.”
“That’s the thing though...” I keep my voice down and check again for anyone who might be listening—still don’t see anyone. “It’s selfish as fuck. It could ruin everything if anyone found out.”
“So don’t let anyone find out,” he says it like it’s so simple.
“That’s the plan, but you picked up on it.”
“I know you. And I’m around you two with your googly eyes.”
“We do not have googly eyes,” I try to defend, but hell, even I know I’m in awe of the man any time he’s around. “He’s just so perfect.”
He snorts at that. “Except for his job.”
“Hey, he’s good at his job, and the world could use more good social workers.”
“Look, man. Just be careful. But you being happy—that’s a good thing for the kids. Things have been going well, and I think that’s because you’ve been happy. They pick up on that.”
“I can’t lose them.”
He grins again, effortless and unbothered. “Then don’t.” I roll my eyes, but he just nudges me with his hand. “I’ll stay with them. Just make sure you’re back before they wake up.”
“I’ll be back in an hour,” I say, jumping up from the couch, but he tells me to take my time and kicks his feet up on the coffee table.
I grab my keys instead of getting a ride and drive to Phillip’s apartment. I can tell he’s surprised when he opens the door, but he’s clearly pleased and pulls me inside by my collar.
We strip quickly—everything has to be fast with us most of the time. “Where are the kids?” he asks in between intense kisses and falling down onto the bed.
“Tatum’s with them.” I kiss down his neck and over each collarbone, wanting to take my time with him.
“Okay, good.” I smile, liking that his first instinct is to make sure they’re okay. I kiss over his stomach and sink down between his legs, wrapping my hand around his erection and stroking it slowly, relishing in the soft moans coming from his throat.
My brain shuts off, and I don’t overthink anymore when I’m with him like this. I just use every second we have together to touch and taste him—hold him—like it all could end at any second. Mostly because I know it could.
I lick a stripe up his hard cock, focusing on one prominent vein, and he gasps, his hips thrusting forward. I suck the tip into my mouth—his flavor exploding on my tongue, and I have to reach down to grab the base of my own cock and squeeze because it’s unbelievably good.
I don’t want it to be over yet. I suck him into my mouth, teasing with my tongue and lowering my hand to cup his balls, slowly rolling them in my hand, unable to stop touching him. Wanting to touch him everywhere.
“Come here. I’m too close,” he says as he tugs on my hair. I move up to him willingly, letting his cock fall from my lips before our mouths crash together. He urges me over onto my back and after grabbing lube and a condom, he straddles my thighs.
I watch as he prepares himself, my hands going to his firm ass and spreading his cheeks. I wish I could see him, but I’m almost too far gone. I think watching his fingers push into his tight hole would make me come immediately.
He rolls the condom down my aching shaft before positioning it at his entrance and then slowly takes me into his body. When I’m fully seated inside him, my hands remain on the globes of his ass, kneading the firm flesh. My eyes close, and my head falls back on the pillow.
My cock is surrounded by his tight heat, his hands moving over my pecs and biceps, then over my stomach and my thighs. We both stay still, just taking the moment.
When he starts to ride me, I don’t direct his movements and just hold on to him, wanting to be even closer somehow. Wanting it to last. But I swear my feet go numb, and I can’t fight the euphoria making its way through my veins, so I remove one hand from his ass and stroke his heavy cock until he’s clenching around me and crying out with his release.
I follow after him as he bounces on my cock, pounding his prostate and milking us both dry until he collapses onto my chest. I can feel him smiling against my skin. Everything feels settled once again.
“Even better than a kiss at midnight. I didn’t think we were going to get that.”
“Uh, yeah... Tatum kind of knows about us.”
That gets his attention, and we both groan when my semi-hard cock falls from his body when he jerks back. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t tell him.” I sit up, my back against his cushioned headboard. “He guessed.”
He looks panic-stricken, and great job, Kellan. Way to ruin the mood.
“I swear, you can trust him. He won’t say anything.”
He places a shaky hand over his heart, his full lips still parted in shock, and he looks pale. “How did he know?”
“I guess from the way we look at each other.” I watch him—hating that he looks like he’s about to bolt—and I risk wrapping my hand around his wrist, pulling him to me. He settles into my side, letting his head rest on my shoulder, and I finally take a breath.
“Was he angry?”
“No,” I say instantly, and he lifts his head so we can look at each other. I cup his cheek with my hand. “No. He was amused, if anything. Happy for me but not angry.”
“And the fact that I’m a guy...”
“You’re a guy?” I try to joke, and thankfully, it works in breaking the tension—that megawatt smile I love so much brightening up his face again.
He shoves against me playfully, but I don’t let him go far, wrapping my arm more securely around him.
“He’ll never say a word. I promise.”
“But if he knows, won’t the kids? Maybe we need to take a break...”
My throat nearly closes up, and my heart starts racing so fast I think I might pass out. I don’t want a break. I don’t get to see him enough already as it is.
“Kellan...” I realize I’ve been silent in my panic and looked away from him. “Look at me.” I do. “I don’t mean a break from us—I just mean from me coming over there so much.”
I close my eyes and try to breathe—panic and fear racing through me. I don’t want that either, but I can’t force him to come over more than he needs to for his job. I promised him I’d protect him. That he wouldn’t get hurt.
“Kellan... please talk to me.”
I force my eyes open. “I don’t want less of you,” I say honestly.
He looks compassionate, and his hand sweeps through my hair. I lean into it. “I don’t want less of you either. But the kids... if they find out...”
“We’ll be more careful. I promise. They won’t find out.”
He looks torn, biting on his pretty bottom lip again. But when he nods his head and brushes his lips over mine, I feel relief.
I just have to make sure to keep my word now. Tatum is one thing, but the kids cannot find out.