24. Chapter 23
J esse didn’t bother to change out of his scrubs after his Saturday shift. He collapsed onto his bed and pressed his face into his pillow instead, telling himself for the fifth time that he shouldn’t call Julia. It’d been a week since he’d seen her last, and he craved her company.
They had texted throughout the week, but he was pretty sure he’d ruined things by telling her he loved her. It had been impossible to hold the words back, though.
He reached for his phone, scrolling through their texts. She’d asked him if he was okay a few times this week. His stomach churned. Knowing Julia, she was worried she’d hurt him by not saying the words back.
It had hurt. But then he’d just wanted to be near her again. He let his phone drop, rolling to his side. He was such a mess.
“How was your shift today?” Charles asked from his doorway.
Jesse sat up. “Good. The sessions in the pool are helping.”
Charles frowned. “You’re using hydrotherapy? I didn’t realize that.”
“It’s pretty standard for some of the injuries I work with, isn’t it?”
“You around water seems like a terrible idea,” Charles admitted.
Jesse rolled his eyes. “The setup is perfectly safe, and I’m careful with the clients.”
Charles’s lips twitched. “Didn’t you fall into the lake a few weeks ago?”
“It’s not like I got hurt that time. Clothes dry.” Jesse remembered how Julia had gone in after him. And then she’d kissed him. He pressed a hand to his warm cheek.
Charles ruffled his hair like he was a little kid. “I’m surprised you’re not hanging out with Julia today.”
Jesse flopped onto the bed with a groan. “Please don’t ask me about that.”
Charles perched on the edge of the bed. “Well, now I have to ask. Did something happen last weekend? Besides you spending the night at her place again? Don’t think I didn’t notice.”
Jesse flushed. “That part wasn’t a problem. I didn’t stay over for—” He cleared his throat. “I mean, that wasn’t the reason, but—”
“No details, please,” Charles interrupted, raising his hand.
Jesse was relieved. He really needed his brain to catch up with his mouth.
“I was just asking because you had stressed it being a one-time thing. So, you two are good?”
His chest ached at the question, and he pressed his hand to it. “We were, but I messed up.”
Charles rested a hand on his shin. “Did you blurt out your feelings while you were… being intimate?”
Jesse flinched. “How did you know?”
Charles patted him. “That’s pretty common. Emotions can get high during sex. Julia will probably brush it off.” He bit his lip. “Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear, but it’ll be okay.”
Jesse pressed his hand into his chest harder. “She did. I didn’t even realize I had said it. She told me I had when I confessed for real.”
Charles’s hand fell away. “Wait, you confessed on purpose?”
“I couldn’t help it.” His stomach twisted at the lie, and he sat up. “No, that’s not true. I wanted to tell her. Not saying it felt like a lie and I just…” He shook his head. “I love her too much not to tell her the truth.”
Charles sighed. “Well, Julia appreciates honesty. What did she say?”
Jesse shook his head. “She didn’t know what to say. She did her best to let me down easy.”
Charles wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. “I’m sorry.”
Having him apologize made Jesse feel even worse. “She made it very clear things would be casual from the start.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier.” His big brother continued to hug him.
Jesse sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m just worried she’s going to start avoiding me.”
Charles remained quiet. Jesse appreciated that his brother didn’t deny the likelihood of that happening, even if he would have liked to hear false reassurances. Charles didn’t believe in kind falsehoods.
In the silence the vibration of his phone sounded loud. He wiped at his eyes, reaching for it.
His heart raced reading Julia’s text. ‘Want to go hiking again?’
He thumbed out a response. ‘Yes! Absolutely! Right now?’
Charles snorted over his shoulder. “Desperate much?”
“Shut up,” Jesse muttered, staring at the dots that popped up. “I seriously love her.”
His brother patted his shoulder. “I know you do. She must feel something for you, at least. I mean, she suggested hiking.” Charles shook his head. “Julia hates the outdoors.”
“She doesn’t hate it. Last time, she—”
‘You seem excited. Sure. I’ll head your way.’
“She’s heading here!” Jesse scrambled up from the bed, moving to his dresser. “I have to change.”
Charles laughed. “You seem to be doing fine.”
Jesse paused. “Thanks for worrying about me.”
“It’s been nice to have you back. You can always talk to me, you know.” Charles groaned a little when he pushed to his feet.
Jesse snorted. “Old man.”
“Shut up.” There was no heat in the retort. He stretched. “I really am getting old, though.”
Jesse took in his brother’s half smile. Charles had a big heart. He was handsome and friendly and one of the best guys Jesse knew. And he was perpetually single. “Hey, same goes. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Charles stared at him for a moment, then laughed. He stepped closer to ruffle Jesse’s hair again. “I’m all good, kid.”
Jesse batted at his hand. “Quit that!”
“Stop worrying about me and go get ready for your date.”
“Yeah, I—” Jesse froze as the word processed. “Wait, no, it’s not a date.” Had Julia asked him out? His mind stuttered. “Is it?”
His brother laughed at him again.
Jesse shook his head, grabbing a change of clothes. Whether it was a date or not, he’d be with Julia. Everything would be fine. It was a friendly date. Like the shower had been friendly. Oh God, now he was imagining her naked. His dick throbbed, growing hard.
He felt no shame from his body’s reaction. Of course he was turned on. He was thinking about Julia.
He scrambled out of his work clothes and into something more casual.
It would be hard to go back to just being friends, but he could do it.
Keeping Julia in his life was the most important thing.
He didn’t understand how he’d managed to get through college without seeing her.
No wonder he’d been miserable most of the time.
When there was a knock on the door, he was almost ready, but one of his sneakers had become untied. He rushed to the door with the laces flapping, jerking it open with a smile.
Phoebe stood there instead of Julia, and he deflated, his smile dropping.
“Wow. It’s nice to see you, too.” Phoebe rolled her eyes and pushed past him into the house.
Jesse closed the door. “I didn’t expect you.” More words burned in his throat, but he hesitated. Telling her he already had plans with Julia was probably the worst thing he could do. He held a hand against his stomach to settle the nerves tightening it.
Phoebe skirted around the wooden coffee table. “Well, you’ve been avoiding me. Kyle pushed me to come and talk things out.” When she reached the cream-colored couch, she turned to face him and sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry. I messed up.”
Her apology didn’t ease the sick swirl in his stomach, and he let his head drop to stare at the carpet. “It’s okay, Feebs,” he said.
“No, it’s not.” She sank onto the couch, her hands clenching together in her lap. “You caught me off guard, but that’s no excuse for hurting you. I should have never made it seem like you can’t be around my children.”
Hearing it said out loud only made the twisting inside worse.
He could no longer ignore that she’d implied just being around him was a risk.
“A lot of people are uncomfortable with it. I mean, I still feel—” He swallowed, the words catching in his throat.
Shame. That was the cause of the acid that so often ate him up inside.
For years, he’d hated his body, because of how it had reacted the night of the party, but also because of the disease that would never go away.
He sat down beside her, but not too close. “It’s a hard thing all around.”
Phoebe shook her head. “You always let me off the hook too easily.” Her hands tightened on themselves. Only a couple of years ago, her nails would have been long and polished. Now they were short in an uneven way and bare of color. “I’m sure Julia knew exactly what to say when you told her.”
Julia’s voice rose in his mind, telling him he shouldn’t hate his body. It settled some of the roiling inside. “She’s good that way.”
“You’re such a sap. Has she broken your heart yet?” Phoebe leaned into him, nudging his shoulder with hers.
“She’s on her way here,” he blurted. “She invited me hiking again.”
“She did? It wasn’t you?” Phoebe’s eyes widened.
When he nodded, she let out a laugh. “I don’t believe it, but I guess she did always have a soft spot for you.
I kind of hated that.” Her lips twisted.
“She invited you with us everywhere and paid more attention to you than to me.” His sister frowned down at her hands. “She was always watching you.”
“That’s because she’s protective.” Jesse knew that was just how she was. “She knew all the messes I got into. She was the one who gave me my nickname, after all.”
Phoebe studied him. “You really have always been jinxed, haven’t you?
” She shook her head, shoving herself up from the couch so she could pace in front of the TV.
“I mean, look what happened to you.” She waved a hand in his direction, and Jesse’s shoulders hunched.
“I can’t believe you got an STI. It sucks, and I’m sorry that it happened to you.
” She paused, squaring her shoulders. “I love you. It might not seem like it sometimes because I let my mouth run too often, but I really do.”
“I know you do, Feebs.” Jesse’s shoulders relaxed. “I love you, too. You’re my sister.”
A loud knock came, the three firm raps a familiar rhythm.
His gaze flew to the entryway, as if he could see Julia through the door.
“She’s here.” He scrambled up from the couch.
He flicked a glance back at Phoebe, whose eyes had narrowed.
His feet turned to lead as he drew in a breath.
“If you say something mean to Julia, you’re the one who will be leaving. I won’t let you hurt her.”
Phoebe snorted. “Julia doesn’t get hurt.”
He remembered the way she’d looked in her apartment when he’d brought her ice cream, and her pantry confession about her depression. “You’re a bad friend, Phoebe,” he said.
His sister flinched, then bit her lip. “Of course I am, compared to her.” She waved her hand at him when there was another knock. “Let her in. I’ll be good.”
When Jesse pulled open the door, Julia stood there with her hands tucked into the back pockets of her black jean shorts. She searched his eyes, the tentative smile she wore blooming into a real one when he grinned back.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” he returned, the tension in him easing being near her.
“Wow. You two are ridiculously cute,” Phoebe teased from behind him. She leaned over his shoulder. “I heard you voluntarily chose to go hiking. Should I be worried? Did an alien take over your body? Blink twice if yes.”
Julia shook her head. “It wasn’t bad last time, and Jinx likes it.”
Jesse fought the urge to throw his arms around her. This was bad. It was like she was encouraging him to fall for her even more. “We can do something else,” he offered.
Julia shook her head. “This is what I want to do. You like it by the lake, right?”
He liked the area even better now that it held memories of their first kiss. “Yeah.”
Phoebe cleared her throat, straightening away from him. “That’s my cue to get out of your hair. I’m going to find Charles to say ‘hi’ first. You two have fun.”
“You could come with us,” Jesse offered, even though it was the opposite of what he wanted.
“No, she can’t.” Julia didn’t blush often, but when she did, it was only her ears that turned red, like they were doing now. “I want it to be just the two of us. Like a date.”
Jesse’s mouth went dry. He swallowed, trying to find his voice. “O-oh. Okay.”
Phoebe frowned at Julia. “You better not hurt my little brother.”
Julia’s smile faded. She stepped closer to him. “Kind of ironic, you saying that.”
“I already apologized,” Phoebe said. “Besides, I’m his sister. It’s different.” She turned her back on them. “Enjoy your date.”
Jesse watched her move deeper into the house.
“Was it her idea to apologize, or did Charles nag her into it?” Julia asked.
That… wasn’t completely out of the realm. “I think she’s really trying.”
Julia brushed his curl back from his forehead. His skin tingled from her touch. “It’s good, if she’s trying. You okay?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled, clearing his throat. “Spending time with you makes everything better.”
Julia bit her lip.
Some of Jesse’s nerves returned. Had she come to make it clear they weren’t more than friends? No, she wouldn’t have said it was a date then. His pulse pounded in his ears as hope flared inside. “We don’t have to go hiking, if you’d rather do something else.”
“Today is for you,” Julia said. “Besides, I have fond memories of that lake.” Her smile had a tilt to it that made warmth flood his cheeks. She took his hand, tugging him toward the door. “Come on.”
Jesse didn’t resist. He’d follow her anywhere.