Chapter Five
Alex
For as long as I could remember, something had always felt off, like, I didn’t belong here, in this life.
I couldn’t quite put a finger on why I felt that way, but I did.
Long days were spent working at my father’s hardware store, constantly getting yelled at for not knowing about all the items he carried, and he clearly expected me to know everything.
This life wasn’t for me though I know he expected me to take over the store someday.
I was stuck with a girl that at some point I must’ve asked to marry me or she assumed I had. Who knows. Now she was planning a wedding I wanted nothing more than to run away from. This life was not for me and marrying someone I didn’t love literally made me sick. But if I left, where would I go?
“Alexander?” my father briskly called out as he knocked on my bedroom door. “Get up. It’s time to get to work.”
“Yes, Father, I’m up,” I hollered back as I dressed.
“Good, meet me in the kitchen. Your mother has breakfast ready and we have a delivery due shortly at the store, so we need to hurry.” His heavy footsteps descended the stairs and I groaned.
This was so maddening—it didn’t feel like my life.
It was as though I was living in someone else’s head and as far as I was concerned, they could have this hellish nightmare back.
I had to find a way out of here. Out of this and definitely out of an engagement I wanted no part of.
Dear God, if I married that overbearing woman, I’d surely hang myself.
I didn’t care that her father was the bank president or how big their house was. None of it meant anything to me.
I sat at the dining table as my mother placed a plate loaded with scrambled eggs and bacon in front of me.
“Good morning,” she said, kissing the top of my head.
She was definitely the more nurturing of my parents.
My father didn’t teach, he commanded and expected you to already know everything.
Mother was gentle and kind, patient, the kind of person I longed to have as a spouse.
“Good morning, Mother. If you would’ve woken me earlier, I could’ve come down and helped you prepare breakfast,” I told her, taking a bite of the eggs. She was a wonderful cook and even a meal as simple as this was a gift to your palate.
“Nonsense, Alexander,” my father said. “A woman’s place is in the kitchen, not a man’s.”
That comment was unnecessary, and my mother was far more than a servant to us.
She worked hard. Always up before everyone else, washing the laundry, cooking the meals, cleaning the house, gathering the eggs from the chickens.
Who did this man think he was taking all of that for granted?
My face heated as the rage built inside.
“You need a haircut, Alexander,” my father barked, snapping me from my internal tirade. I didn’t dare say it aloud, having been on the receiving end of his backhand more than once. “Go see Norman the barber on your break today.”
“Yes, Father,” I replied, through gritted teeth.
“Don’t give me attitude, boy. I’m your father and you will treat me with the respect I deserve. I don’t know how that woman ever agreed to marry your ungrateful ass.” He stood. “Hurry up, we need to go.” He grabbed his coat and walked outside.
“Alexander, what’s bothering you?” my mother asked, taking the seat beside me.
I dropped my fork, the loud clang against the China startled her. “Do you ever feel you’re living a life that isn’t yours?”
“I’m not sure I follow you, son.” She placed her hand over mine. “What happened? Did you and Charlotte have a fight?”
“No. But she’s one of many things that trouble me.
I’m sorry, Mother, ignore that. Restless sleep has taken its toll on me.
” I rose to take my plate to the sink and leaned in and kissed her cheek before heading outside to meet my father for what I expected to be an unpleasant day.
As soon as saw me, he walked ahead down the pathway.
Fine by me, I didn’t feel like dealing with him as it was.
During the two-block walk, my thoughts wandered, fueling my confusion because I knew at some point today, Charlotte would come by the shop, probably to get my opinion on some stupid wedding-related nonsense. I truly didn’t care what food she chose or what color was on the cake.
The only thing I cared about was getting myself out of this mess.
My father had already made it abundantly clear that if I didn’t marry her, I would be out of the house and out of a job. The thought of breaking my mother’s heart was the only reason I’d stayed in this predicament. But I had to call it off, consequences be damned.
Mid-morning, I was stacking cans of paint when the bell over the door chimed. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. She was here. I knew this before she unleashed that high-pitched screech I loathed.
“There you are, Alexander. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve been avoiding me,” Charlotte squawked. Well, she had that much right. I had purposely been avoiding her.
“Good morning, Charlotte. What can I do for you?” I asked even though I didn’t care.
She paraded over and kissed my cheek. “We have to meet with the caterer today to pick the menu. Does two o’clock work for you?”
“I don’t get off until six, Charlotte. You know that.” I stacked the last of the cans and tried to sidestep her, but not before she grabbed my shirt sleeve.
“Don’t ignore me, Alexander. I’m not planning this wedding alone. You will do my bidding, or I will tell my father,” she threatened. Who was worse, Charlotte or my father, and what was he getting out of this deal?
Our fathers were meeting later this week in hopes mine could secure a loan for an expansion to the back of the store.
He thought adding an appliance section would gain more sales.
I adamantly disagreed, which he used to point out my need to pay better attention to our business plan.
The people in this town were blue-collar, hardworking folks, people who had to save for what they needed to survive, and new refrigerated boxes weren’t one of those things.
They were used to going to the market daily for what they needed.
Refrigerated units were a luxury, not a must.
And of course, that was the time my father chose to come around the corner from the stockroom.
“Alexander, take your lunch at two and accompany her to the caterers. Afterwards, get your hair cut and then return to help close up.” Then he walked off, as though his requests were written scripture and not to be ignored.
Not at all thrilled about this, I turned to Charlotte. “Fine, I’ll meet you at the caterer at two.”
Smirking, she wiggled her wiry fingers at me before the bells once again jingled, signaling her departure.
As the day progressed, the agitation built, increasing to an explosive level and I found myself slamming stock onto the shelves rather hastily.
“Honestly son, I don’t know what’s gotten into you.
” It was best to not reply, or I’d likely let it all out and find myself without a home.
“In little more than a week, you’ll be a married man, and shortly thereafter, a father.
You really need to get yourself together.
Buck up and be a man.” He shook his head in disappointment as he walked away.
A married man? A father? Bile rose, burning the back of my throat.
My impending doom consumed me, taking the breath from my body.
I’d die before I married that vile woman.
I had to get out. Get out of this madness.
I wasn’t fit to be a husband, let alone a father.
That wasn’t something I ever wanted. I ran out the door, my father was calling my name behind me, but I couldn’t stop.
Didn’t stop as I ran straight to the waterfront three blocks away without grabbing my coat or bothering to look back.
“What am I doing?” I loudly proclaimed. How did I get into this mess? I don’t even remember asking her to marry me. I can’t remember anything before these last couple of weeks. I must have hit my head at some point and suffered amnesia.
I sat and stared at the Sound. The water had a calming effect on me.
Had I lived here all my life? I must have.
Watching the hues of the impending sunset brighten the sky, I was enthralled.
The amber shades of yellow and red with a hint of a dusky pink illuminated the darkening sky.
Such soothing shades. But as the sun faded to black, reality reared its ugly head, and I knew there would be hell to pay for missing that damned appointment.
The slight breeze coming off the water chilled me.
I stood and stretched, mentally preparing myself for the battle I knew awaited me.
Along the way, I heard someone call my name, but they were yelling, “Alex.” Only my mother called me that and it wasn’t her voice I heard, so I didn’t turn around.
The voice grew louder, more persistent, needy and desperate.
I stopped and turned to check that the person calling out was okay, only to find a strange man running toward me.
He was out of breath. “Do I know you? Are you alright?” I asked. His face was flushed and streaked with tears.
“Alex, oh my God. I’ve been searching everywhere for you.” Using the back of his hand, he wiped his eyes.
“I’m sorry, sir, but do I know you?” I once again asked.
“Alex, it’s me, Charlie.” His tone pleaded for me to recognize him, though I didn’t.
“Did my parents send you to find me?” This man was a stranger to me, yet something about him felt oddly familiar. “Perhaps we attended school together?” My classes were small but maybe he was only there for a short while and I’d missed him there.
He grabbed ahold of my forearm. “Don’t you remember me?” Sad lines creased his face as he begged me to remember him.
Right then, that ghastly voice I feared spending the rest of my life waking up to echoed down the street. “Alexander!” Charlotte yelled.
I cringed, dreading her next words.
“Alexander, where have you been? You missed the appointment with the caterer for our wedding dinner. I swear, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you didn’t want to marry me.” Hands firmly placed at her hips, accentuating her irritation with me.
“Your wedding?” The man beside me spoke, his face paled as more tears came.
“Who is this?” Charlotte asked, no change in her demeanor whatsoever. Pleasantries weren’t part of her upbringing.
“This is Charlie,” I said without thinking. “What are you doing walking the streets at night, Charlotte? You know that’s not safe for a woman.”
“Well, I waited at your house as long as I could, but it was time to get home. I was just crossing the street when I spotted you.” She looked Charlie up and down. Evidently his appearance wasn’t up to her standards.
“Come, Charlotte, I’ll walk you home.” I nodded to Charlie then turned, grasping Charlotte’s elbow to guide her away from him.
“How do you know him?” she asked as we crossed the street.
“I’m not sure, we were just getting to that when you walked up.” I glanced back to where he stood, as he stared blankly back at me. Something about him called to me, and I felt badly for leaving him behind, but Charlotte beckoned and I wasn’t raised to leave a woman to fend for herself. I think…
“Well, I took the liberty of picking the food and finalizing the arrangements with the caterer. No thanks to you, of course.” She reached down, straightening her gloves.
With each passing moment, my dislike for this woman grew leaps and bounds. There was no way in hell I was marrying her, and I didn’t care if that meant I had to move into the forest and change my name to Tarzan.
“Goodnight, Charlotte,” I said, turning to make my way down the steps of the porch stoop.
“What, no goodnight kiss?” She pointed to her cheek.
I stepped back up, kissed her cheek and promptly retreated before being asked inside. As I crossed the street to cut through the alleyway, Charlie was waiting for me.
“How can you have a fiancée when you’ve only been here a couple of days?”
Was this disheveled man of sound mind? Should I call police assistance?
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Charlotte and I have been together for some time now,” I assured him, straightening to my full height and hoping he didn’t ask exactly how long we’d been together, as I had no earthly idea. I must’ve really smacked my head hard.
He reached out to me, and I backed up before he could make contact, but was trapped as my backside met with the building’s brick wall.
“Alex, it’s me,” he pleaded, “Charlie. We’ve been together since we were kids. Don’t you remember me?”
“What, pray tell, do you mean by we’ve been together since we were kids?”
“We met in third grade. We were best friends and became boyfriends in high school.” His eyes once again welled up with tears as the last word left his lips, and he gripped my arm to steady himself. “We have a home together.”
“How can you preach such madness? Men do not lay with men, I’ll not hear any more of your lunatic ravings.” Grabbing his arm to remove it from mine, a jolt startled me. When I looked up, he was staring at me, mouth agape.
“You felt that too, didn’t you?” His words begged for my agreement.
Swallowing hard, I only managed to make a nod, still reeling from the tingling sensation.
“See, Alex, doesn’t that tell you something?” He clutched my shoulders, shaking them, undoubtedly hoping to jog my memory, but only bringing me back to the present. “We don’t belong here, this isn’t our home. Well, it kinda is but it’s not.”
I shook my head as I broke away. “No, this proves nothing. Men do not date other men, and you would be wise to keep your mouth shut and leave town before you get locked up for the madness you speak.” I turned and walked away, refusing to look back.
Feeling that jolt was an anomaly, a one-off, a strange one-time occurrence that I was sure could be explained scientifically.
But two men together? That was nonsense and highly illegal.
Thankfully, arriving home at such a late hour meant my parents were already in bed.
After changing and washing up, I tried to do the same only to be met with a series of absurd dreams in which Charlie repeatedly called out to me.
Taunting me with gentle caresses, tenderly kisses along neck, my ears, my lips…