60
JULIANNA
“We can’t go back out there. They know what we did.”
Having sex with Landon while our friends are just a few feet away from us wasn’t supposed to happen. But he kissed my neck, his beard scratched my skin the way I love so much, whispered how beautiful I am, said he loved me, and I caved.
In retrospect, I should’ve known it was going to happen. When I was straddling him, he kept giving me this look and it’s a look I struggle to say no to.
Landon flashes me a devious, lopsided grin as he drags his zipper up and buttons his pants. “Love, I’ve seen and heard almost everyone out there do things I wish I hadn’t. Aside from Gabby.”
“Actually”—I sit up, crisscrossing my legs—“I’m not sure that she’s waiting anymore. I could’ve been seeing things, but I swear I saw a hickey on her neck.”
His head jolts back. “You saw a hickey on Gabby? Are you sure? Because she’s been adamant about waiting.”
“I know it sounds crazy, but a few months ago, she said she was ready, but then she changed her mind. So I didn’t think anything of it, but then a few weeks ago, I saw something and again today, I saw it. It does look like she has makeup over it, and her hair is down, so it could’ve been a shadow, but I highly doubt that.”
He goes silent as he drags his shirt over his head, his expression bewildered. “Are you sure? Gabriella Alvarez?”
I giggle at the shock in his voice. “Yes. I wanted to ask her, but she would’ve shared that if she wanted to, right? I don’t think even Polly knows she’s seeing someone. Or maybe she’s not. Maybe I’m just seeing things.”
“There’s only one way to find out.” He grabs the money jar from my dresser and hands it to me.
My brows lift. “Now?”
He sits on the edge of my bed, nodding. “It’ll probably be gone by Christmas.”
I almost laugh. “Curious much?”
“This is Gabby we’re talking about. She’s an adult, she can do whatever she wants, but it’s so unlike her. She’s all about finding The One and sailing off into the sunset.”
A laugh claws out at his flat tone. “You don’t want to be the one to give it to her?”
His brows furrow, lips pinched in a straight line. “I won’t be able to see it. Our height difference will make it hard. And she’ll cry.”
That last part is all I need to hear. The height will hinder him from seeing it, but I know if and when she cries, he’ll feel awkward. Everyone is out there and he’ll have eyes on him, and if he has to comfort her, he’ll feel uneasy.
He still doesn’t think he’s good with words despite how many times I’ve reassured him that he is. I know one day, with time and patience, he will.
I smile, cupping his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”
Landon grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles, and for a moment, we bask in the silence and in each other’s company. But the moment is pleasantly interrupted when we hear Christmas music come from the living room.
Before I hop off the bed, Landon stops me. “I see that the Rover is back.”
I sigh, loosening my hair from the bun I’d put it in. That was a shock to me when it was delivered a few hours ago. There was no warning, no call, no text from Mom or Dad, just a “Sign here. Merry Christmas.”
“And that, too.” I tip my head in the direction of the boxes in the corner of my room. They were returned today without notice. “I know what they’re doing. They want me to go back home. They even sent birthday and Christmas gifts, and in them was a card saying they want nothing back and they won’t accept it.”
My birthday is in five days and then Christmas will follow soon after. I had expected them to do nothing since we haven’t spoken, but I was wrong. They sent gifts, lots of them, and the card.
Something tentative touches his face. “Are you going back?”
I interlock my fingers with his. “I won’t lie, this makes me kind of sad. Not too long ago, I would’ve gone back in a heartbeat, but now, I know that going back will undo the work I’ve done on myself.” I muse the past two weeks and everything I’ve gone through without them. “You know, when I took my Calc test a few days ago, I wasn’t worried about Dad being upset if I didn’t make the perfect grade. I kept thinking I need to make over ninety-five so I can drive your car.”
That softens the confliction in his gaze and his lips crack a smidge.
“I know I’ll still feel guilty for not going home because I feel it now. Even more so because I don’t think I ever want to go back.” The ache in my chest returns, but Landon squeezing my hand lessens it. “But I know it’s for the best because staring at those boxes shouldn’t make me feel shitty. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t do anything about the gifts if they don’t want them back, but I’m not going to dwell on something I don’t have control over.”
A proud look flashes over his face as he embraces me.
“If you don’t pull away, I’m going to ugly cry.” I swallow back the emotions. “And then I’ll have to lie to everyone and El will have to slash your tires.”
“She’ll slash my tires for thinking I hurt you?” he questions, amused, as he pulls back.
“She’ll probably do worse, but she’ll start with that.”
He hums thoughtfully. “Fair enough. She’s a good friend, but I promise that’ll never happen.”
“I know it won’t.” I kiss him but quickly withdraw before it becomes a round two. He must’ve been thinking the same because he’s up and guiding me back out into the living room.
“I just want to say that I manifested this relationship so when you two get married, I want to be the maid of honor,” Polly announces out loud, her eyes set on Landon and me.
“You? I also manifested it, and I am Juls’s best friend, so I’ll be the maid of honor,” El counters, side-eyeing Polly.
Landon and I look at each other, amused, as they go back and forth on what they’ve done to conspire our relationship. As much as we’re enjoying it, we’re too curious about Gabby to pay attention to their bickering.
We find her in the kitchen talking to Jagger, and when we approach them, they add distance between each other.
“Well, it’s about time you guys came out. Oh, and, Juls, you need a new bed,” Jagger supplies, then leans down to my ear and whispers, “It’s a little squeaky.”
Embarrassment licks my spine and my face heats.
“You want to talk about noise? What about two days ago? It was three in the fucking morning.” Landon blankly looks at him. “Some of us were trying to sleep.”
Jagger dramatically gasps, placing his hand on his chest. “Me? Loud at three in the morning. Couldn’t have been. I’m a child of God. I would never indulge in fornication.”
The guys laugh from the living room and Gabby flushes next to him. She always gets a little awkward when we talk about sex, so maybe I was seeing things, but my curiosity is getting the best of me.
It’ll be a quick peek.
The guys get into it, calling out Jagger on all the times they’ve caught him doing the most unholy things. Gabby looks a little out of it when I pull her to the side but smiles when she stares at the jar in my hand.
“Did you guys finally decide what you’re going to do with the money?”
“Yes, we want you to have it.”
She pales as I set the jar in her hands. “Uh, what? No, I can’t take this.”
“You can and you will. It’s a Christmas present from both of us.” I cross my arms against my chest when she tries to return it. “There’s enough in there for you to renew your DACA and a little extra to treat yourself.”
“Please say you’re kidding right now.” Gabby’s bottom lip wobbles and her chin quivers, her brown tear-brimmed eyes glued to the jar.
I embrace her. “No, I’m not kidding. We really want you to have it. Merry Christmas.”
She wipes away at the stream that cascades down her cheek and peers up at me. I take the moment to look at her neck and have to stop myself from looking shocked when I see the hickey.
“There’s no way you and Landon argued that much? This is too much. I can’t accept this.”
I flatten my lips to smother a laugh because as shocking as it is for her, it was for me. And because I was right and wasn’t seeing things.
A few days ago, Landon and I decided to count the money in our argument jar. It’d been a few weeks since we last put a bill in and knew we wouldn’t be adding any more.
It’s astounding how much we accumulated. I know we’re notorious for arguing but not to that magnitude.
“Please don’t feel bad, because we really want you to have this.”
We did add a little extra because it wouldn’t have covered everything, but Landon told me not to tell her that because she’ll refuse it.
“I really can’t take this. This is too much money and not your responsibility.”
I step away when she tries to hand it back.
I’ve always been privileged. I’ve never had much to worry about except whether a grade was going to be enough for Dad or if Mom was going to be upset over an extra pound on the scale. Those are just a few of the things I’ve never had to think about until I moved in with the girls. Hearing Gabby’s story has made me realize how little I’m educated about the things that truly matter and have put a lot of perspective in my life. I’m not diminishing my struggles because Landon keeps reminding me that, but it makes me appreciate certain things.
So after doing research on DACA, I told Landon I wanted the money to go to Gabby. Because Landon likes to go above and beyond even though he calls it the bare minimum, he added more money. He didn’t tell me how much, but said it’d be enough to cover for the next renewal and get herself something extra.
He still refuses to tell me where he got the money from, but I know he’s not stupid enough to do something illegal. He said he’ll tell me one day.
“You have to accept it. It’s your Christmas gift.”
She warily stares at me, then drops her gaze to the jar, staring at it with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, we’re sure.” I beam at her, and finally, she accepts it and goes to thank Landon, giving him a fist bump because she knows how he feels about hugs.
He briefly glances at me, and when I nod, he subtly drops his gaze to her neck.
When Gabby disappears into her room with Jagger, my phone vibrates in my pocket. My heart accelerates when I see the email notification from Roberts saying exam scores have been submitted.
Landon hovers next to me, but I don’t look at him as I log into Canvas. Holding my breath, I click on the grade tab and almost lose it when I see a ninety-seven out of one hundred.
“Oh God, you’re going to kill us,” Landon mutters next to me.
I shoot him a glare, but it doesn’t deter the grin on his face and he hugs me. “I’m proud of you, Love. I was confident you’d do well.”
“Really?”
He cups my neck, staring intently at me. “I never doubted you for one second.”
I can’t contain my giddy smile and snake my arms around his shoulders. “You’re probably going to regret it because you have to let me drive your car now.”
“What?” Saint stares at us, dumbfounded. “You’re going to let her drive your car but you won’t let me?”
“Well, he’s going to teach me first,” I say.
His mouth falls open. “What the hell, stronzo ? No offense, Juls, but how are you going to let her if she doesn’t know how to drive stick and I do?”
“Because you’re not her,” Landon replies like it should be the most obvious answer. “I’ll be back. I need to grab something from my car,” he says to me and leaves the apartment.
Saint stops complaining when Daisy tells him to shut up. Then he says something else and she tells him to shut up again. It becomes a cycle of him running his mouth and her telling him to shut up until Cara breaks it up.
When Landon shows up, he stands in front of me again, holding something in his hand. I take it and remove the neatly-wrapped paper and find a mug with heart-shaped cherries and music notes around it.
“I still don’t understand who needs to have that many mugs, but I figured you could add another to your collection.”
My heart expands. I may not have a memory like his, but I remember those words.
“I’m going to ugly cry now. What’s this for?” I look inside and pout at my name at the bottom.
“Passing.”
“This is custom-made. I’m sure you had to have ordered it a while ago. How were you so sure I’d pass?”
He smiles tenderly, making the tears I was doing my best to hold back fall. “You’re smart. I never doubted you.”
I hug him, relishing this moment and him. The guilt from earlier evaporates because all I feel is safe and at home in his arms.