Chapter 16
I thought I knew all the emotions of sexual attraction. The anticipation, the want, the gratification when that attraction is returned…turns out being turned on by him involves so much more. My heart is there too. -Reina
Reina
The dorm room is quiet and lonely with Sophie staying at Liam’s. That’s happening more frequently these days. A ball of envy forms in my stomach thinking of her getting to sleep every night with her boyfriend. I close my eyes tightly and throw my arm over my eyes. I shouldn’t begrudge them the time they get to spend together. It took them forever to finally get their shit together and figure out they were meant to be.
But I am envious. I’ve come to care deeply about someone who isn’t here, who likely won’t be here for months. And the last couple of conversations we’ve had he’s been a little distant. My heart aches. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this. This was just supposed to be letters and the occasional flirtatious phone call. It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be falling for someone I barely know, especially since I have so many obligations. Obligations that he still knows nothing about.
My phone buzzes and my stomach jumps with nerves. It’s been over a week since our last late night phone call.
I reach for my phone but make a wish before I look at the screen. Please let it be him.
When I see the number on the screen, I purposely try not to feel too much. Casual, Reina. Keep it casual.
“Hey there,” I say in an upbeat voice.
“Hey, princess.” Brian’s gravelly voice does things to me, things that a voice shouldn’t be capable of doing to someone. I shift my legs beneath the sheets and try to ignore the warmth spreading through me.
“What’s up? How are things going over there?” My question comes out hesitantly as usual. I never really know what to ask since he can’t tell me much.
“Lots of poker. Lots of waiting around. Lots of night shifts.” He yawns. “The usual.”
There’s a long pause. There’s been lots of those pauses the last couple of phone calls and I can’t figure out why.
“Is everything okay, Brian? Are you mad at me or something?” I almost thump myself in the forehead. Yep, I’ve become that girl. The insecure girl that has to be reassured.
He clears his throat. “No, Reina. I’m not mad at all. Why do you ask that?” he asks in a somber voice.
I twist the sheet in my hand. “Because you seem a little distant. Not your usual funny self. And you haven’t…um, you haven’t called as much lately, or written much either.” That’s sadly the truth, too. No funny emails or long letters. Just a couple of short phone calls.
He sighs, long and hard. “I’m sorry, Reina. It’s not you. It’s just hard being here, and you’re there. And I’m…” he trails off and I wait patiently for him to finish. He doesn’t.
“You’re…” I prompt.
He lets out a long breath. “Is Sophie there tonight?” he asks, and my heart skips a beat.
Is he about to break up with me or stop whatever this is we’re doing? My whole body goes on alert, waiting for heartbreak.
“No, she’s at Liam’s.” Probably getting her brains screwed out, but I don’t mention that. “You know she stays there sometimes.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me,” he says in an amused voice.
I wait impatiently for him to say something else. When he finally does, what he says surprises me. “I…I care about you more than I should, Reina. I know I’ve said a lot of pretty things and told you I’m crazy about you before, but this is me being serious. If you don’t feel the same way about me, could you let me know? Can you be completely honest with me? I have real feelings and I don’t want to be alone feeling this way.”
A rush of emotion makes it hard to talk for a moment. I reach up and touch my cheek, realizing they’re wet already. This guy.
I take a deep breath. “I do care, Brian. Maybe I haven’t said how I felt because I was afraid to say it, but I’m kind of crazy about you too.” I swallow hard. “It’s hard for me to say that. The way I grew up, Brian…I wasn’t taught that love between a woman and a man was for keeps. Love is supposed to be an inconvenient after thought, not the most important thing. But you are important. More important than anyone else has ever been to me.”
This time, when the phone is silent, I grip it hard and try not to jump out of my own skin. Did I say too much? I’ve never put myself on the line like this before.
“I didn’t realize how much I really, really needed to hear you say that until you just did, princess. Thank you so much,” he says in a low voice.
“No problem, soldier. It’s how I feel.” I feel warm and tingly all over. I also feel like I’ve just accomplished something huge. For once in my life, I’ve told someone how I truly feel about them.
A smile crosses my face. “Can you do me a favor?” I question.
“Anything for you, sweetheart. Especially after hearing those words.”
Aww, I’m officially mush.
“Will you go back to your bunk today and think of me?” I ask in a smoky voice.
“I always think of you, Reina. Always,” he replies immediately.
“Not like that. I mean, well, I mean…” This is so freakin’ hard when you can’t say the actual words for fear of someone being around. “Will you think of me and touch yourself?”
For a second, the line goes silent, and my nerves bubble up. Too far, maybe?
“I will, baby. Of course, I will.” His voice is gravelly and makes my panties wet automatically. “Will you think of me too?” he asks, “Maybe tonight while you’re in your bed?”
My hand travels to my panties. I’m only in a t-shirt and underwear tonight, and I’m already turned on by the sound of his voice. “Already thinking of you,” I say and run my finger along my wet slit.
His breathing picks up and he mutters something unintelligible. “Princess, you’re going to be the death of me.”
I slip one finger inside of myself. “I hope not, because I really want you to come home so we can do all the things we talked about in our letters.”
“Shit, Reina…” He’s quiet for a moment, and I take the chance to add another finger. I give a soft moan through the phone, and he curses.
“Okay, well, um, princess, I wish I could be there with you right now. God, this is so aggravating. We only have to wait a little longer. Just a little longer.” He blows out a long breath. “Still thinking of me sweetheart?” he asks in his husky voice.
“Always,” I moan as I stroke in and out of myself.
“Fuck,” he says succinctly.
“Yep,” I reply on the other side of the world.
“Just do it,” he says softly. “Finish it so I can hear you.” His voice is barely a whisper. I have no idea where he is. He’s probably in an office surrounded by a ton of guys, but I’m on the brink so I no longer care. “I want you to know pleasure even if I can’t give it to you right now. When I’m home, I’ll be the one doing those things to you. Imagine that. Imagine me there with you.”
I twirl my thumb around my clit while pulsing in and out of my opening with my fingers. I think of Brian the whole time. I imagine it’s his large, callused hands getting me off. I imagine he’s right here next to me, his hard body lined up perfectly with mine.
It only takes a second before I’m coming, and I moan long and hard into the phone.
My voice is shaky when I finally talk again. “Wish you had been here to do that.”
“Princess, you have no idea how much I want that too.”
Fuck, has a few months ever seemed so long before?