Chapter 38
I wish I could take all the anger he has stored within him and just punch the whole damn world so he would finally feel better. -Reina
Reina
I’m breathing hard when I walk out into the hallway. I didn’t mean to lose it on Brian. Hell, I had been promising myself for days I wouldn’t. But watching him like this is killing me. I know that he’s having survivor’s guilt. I know he’s depressed as hell. Who wouldn’t be? He lost a friend, and he’s in pain.
I lean against the wall and bury my head in my hands.
“Hey, you okay?” I feel a soft hand on my shoulder and lift my head.
Lyla’s bright blue eyes peer up at me. She’s been amazing through this whole thing. She’s only a student nurse, here doing the experience part of her schooling, but she’s been amazing during the last couple of months. I’ve come to rely on her quick smile and caring eyes. She’s also a nice change of pace from Brian’s other nurse, aka Lyla’s nursing supervisor. Nurse Vicky might as well be Nurse Ratchet. She’s got a bad attitude and a horrible bedside manner.
I sigh. “I finally let Brian have it. I shouldn’t have. I should have kept my cool. He’s hurting…” I break off and hang my head, “he’s hurting, and I have no idea what the hell to say to make it better.”
She reaches out and gives my shoulder a light pat. “Reina, you may not want to hear this, but I think you did the right thing. Maybe he needs a kick in the butt. And yes, he’s in pain, but you’re also hurting in a different way. Have you thought anymore about going to that counselor I recommended?”
Lyla talked to me about seeing someone a few weeks ago, but I refused. They have a counselor coming to see Brian. A counselor that he refuses to talk to. Why the hell should I need one?
I shake my head.
“Think about it, Reina. Sophie and her mom are going to see someone. And sometimes an injury to someone you love can have just as much impact on you. You’re dealing with a lot right now. You’re still trying to keep up with your schoolwork, right?”
I nod numbly. I’m trying. I go to classes for tests, but besides that I do everything on my own. The professors have been incredibly understanding. My mother has not. She tried to be understanding for about five minutes, but I think she’s aggravated with me now. She thinks I’m wasting my time caring for someone who doesn’t seem to want my help. Yes, I made the mistake of being truthful with her about Brian’s attitude. I was feeling vulnerable and weepy one day and complained to her. Ever since then, she’s been less sympathetic towards Brian’s condition.
“You need to make sure you take some time for you, Reina. Maybe get away from the hospital for a little while. Catch a movie. Do something else. Sophie will be here in a few minutes to relieve you. Take a few hours to do something besides schoolwork or worrying over Brian.” Her soft voice calms me, and I nod.
“I’ll try.” I rake a hand through my hair. “Tell me something happy. Talk to me about that hottie, Dr. Cannon. Have you made a move yet?”
I’ve come to think of Frazier Army Hospital as another set of Grey’s Anatomy . Lyla has a huge crush on Dr. Cannon, and he watches her with googoo eyes when she isn’t looking. I’ve been pushing her to make a move forever.
This time she sighs and gives me a wan smile. “I love that you think I have a chance with him, but it’s not happening. He barely notices me, except to tell me about patients.”
“But the way he looks at you Lyla. I swear that man has a crush, a big crush.” My mouth curves into a smile. It’s so nice to talk about a happy subject.
Her expression changes to hopeful and she bites her lower lip. “You really think so?”
I throw my arm around her shoulders. “I really think so. Let’s go to the cafeteria for a few minutes and I’ll give you some advice on how to get your man.”
I give Brian’s room one last look as I walk away. He must come to the conclusion to help himself. I can’t do it for him. I’m just holding onto the small nugget of hope that the old Brian is in there somewhere.