Chapter 68
T he next morning, I didn’t argue when Rowan offered to ride on one of the spare horses.
She was doing more damage to her back trying to stay away from me anyway. Besides, I needed distance from her after last night, and I was sure she felt the same. We both knew we wouldn’t get any space at night, couldn’t tolerate it, which was a problem for another day.
She struggled to mount the massive animal. Dmitriy’s placid warhorse was just this side of portly from the sweets he had bribed him with, and I had to look away when Rowan put her arms around the beast’s neck.
He had loved that horse.
At least he was getting some affection now. Maybe she could continue to use him, for as long as she was here. Then…
Then I didn’t know. I was too tired to think about it today.
We were on alert for the rest of the journey, but there were no more attacks. Rowan and I said little to one another. There were no more tears. There was no more comfort.
Only strained silences in shared beds that felt a little smaller every night.
It wasn’t quite a relief to be behind the walls of the estate when Ava lurked there as well, but at least my bed was bigger than the ones at the inns.
“Kirill and I will make the death call tomorrow,” Taras told me as we were dismounting our horses.
I wanted to argue. It was my responsibility, and I felt like I owed it to Igor, but one look at Rowan’s empty eyes told me this wasn’t something I could ask of her.
And I sure as hell wasn’t going to leave her here without me.
So I only nodded, waiting for Rowan to dismount before heading inside. I remembered arriving here with her from the Summit, how it had been the first time I saw her look afraid.
She didn’t look scared now, just nearly as exhausted as I felt, laden down with all the guilt that comes when people die in your stead.
We entered the great hall, and I felt her before I saw her. The tendrils of hair on the back of my neck rose, a clear sign of approaching danger.
Rowan stiffened at my side, pure murder crossing her features. I kept my expression neutral, heading for the stairs without acknowledging her.
But of course, she had something to say. It’s why she was here, after all.
“Where have you been with our prisoner, dear Stepson?” she asked.
No part of her belongs to you.
“ My prisoner, you mean, unless you’re contradicting my father’s edict?” My voice was even, a contrast to my furious thoughts. “I see you’ve recovered from your...illness.”
I allowed my lips to tilt at the corners, but it was nothing compared to the satisfied look she returned.
“Indeed,” she drawled. Her eyes briefly landed on Rowan, who, to my everlasting shock, averted her gaze before Ava could see the naked fury blazing from it.
“I am feeling much improved,” my stepmother said far too agreeably. “Which appears to be more than I can say for a few of the men who were under your care, Evander. I understand there was trouble on the road?”
Blood roared in my ears, and I fought to keep my expression calm. I had endured taunting and bloodshed at her hands, time and time again. But now she was going after people who belonged to me.
Rowan vibrated with rage next to me. It was all I could do to prod her forward, to walk out of this room before I did something I would live to regret. Ava’s malicious stare followed us all the way up the stairs, reminding us that there was no solace to be found at the estate.
Not while she slithered through the halls like a viper, ready to strike at the first opportunity.
First Rowan’s back. Now my men. Whatever I had to do, whatever machinations I needed to pull with my father, whoever I needed to threaten, this would end here.
That would be the last time she hurt someone under my protection, or I would damned well find a way to see her dead for it. To hell with the consequences.
It was strange returning to my rooms. Since Rowan began to share them, we had never left. We had never come back together.
That might have been unusual, even if our relationship had remained unchanged. But there was no denying that the cabin had unearthed things that we couldn’t simply bury again.
Now all we could do was find a way to live with the precarious truths we had let free.
Neither of us had found a way to bridge that gap before Taisiya entered. Her features were openly relieved. Had she heard about the attack?
One thing was for sure. She was far more protective of Rowan than most lady’s maids would be of their captive charges.
“You’ve returned, Highness,” she breathed.
Instead of responding, Rowan only nodded, her shoulders caving in on her like her fury with Ava had effectively leached what little energy she had remaining.
Rowan gestured toward the bathroom pointedly, before crossing her arms.
“You can take one first,” she offered, like she might not have threatened physical blows last week for the privilege of the first bath.
How far we had come from that easy camaraderie and into this mess.
“I wouldn’t dream of interrupting your busy schedule.” I tried for a casual tone. “Don’t you have a nap in a strict half hour?”
It was a fairly weak attempt at pretending there was no awkwardness between us, but it was all I could manage at the time.
Rowan wanted no part of it. She looked from the door to me, shaking her head.
“Indeed, I do.” Her tone was resigned in a way I had never heard it, but I felt the sentiment echoing in my own soul.
Weeks ago, out on my balcony, when we spoke of being stuck here, there had been a sort of shared understanding. Maybe that was still here, but it was edged with something darker now.
That was also a problem for another day.
When Rowan finished her bath, I helped myself to mine, bathing and changing quickly in my haste to return to the work I had left behind. Edvin came in just as I was getting started, likely at Taras’s request, and I signed letters while he wrapped fresh bandages around me.
He didn’t question the process, familiar as it was for us. Then fortunately, he left quickly so I could work faster.
Right now, I only wanted sleep, but I had to finish at least the most important correspondences first.
So when Taisiya finally came in with our evening tea, I was so relieved, I drank it down in two long gulps, ignoring the way it singed my throat on the way down.
The maid stayed longer than usual, tidying things here and there. I didn’t dismiss her because I, too, knew what it was like to worry about a certain flame-haired princess, and to have nothing more than menial tasks to do with that worry.
Besides, I didn’t particularly want to be alone with Rowan just yet.
Too soon after that thought, the maid did, in fact, leave. I stayed at my desk, barely seeing the words on the parchments I was making notes on. My eyes blurred, the fatigue of the past few days hitting me faster than I would have thought.
I joined Rowan in the bed earlier than I had planned. As exhausted as I was, my mind didn’t want to stop, though.
We only had a couple of months before the pass opened up, and I was no closer to an actual strategy than I had been before. I couldn’t negotiate safe passage home without my father’s consent, and I still needed some assurance that she wouldn’t run off to ally with Korhonan.
The obvious plan was to use her safety as a bargaining chip to get the agreement that she wouldn’t marry into Clan Elk, but having witnessed the rationality of the Lochlannian royals in action, I wondered if King Logan would rather go to war than cede that ground.
Then I thought of Rowan dancing with Mikhail’s hands on her hips while Iiro nagged her to be amicable and accommodating, something she had done for the sake of her cousin.
Her family was close. Davin said she was the king’s favorite daughter. He would negotiate for her safety, which would only leave my father. If I waited for the right day, it would be possible to…maneuver him. Possibly.
And then there was the real question, the one that should have mattered so much less but burned through my veins nonetheless.
Did she still want to marry Korhonan?
Did it matter, when I had no plans to allow it? At the very least, it would affect how much her family pushed back on that stipulation.
Twice, I opened my mouth to ask her, then closed it again, my thoughts feeling muddled. I was too tired to have this conversation tonight.
Or maybe after losing Dmitriy and Igor, hearing her defend all the reasons she still wanted to marry that aalio was one thing too many.
Instead, I let my eyes fall shut, finally giving into the fatigue that was slowly dragging me under.