Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I couldn’t stop looking at the passageway door.
My muscles strained, beads of sweat sliding down my chest as I forced myself to do another set of push-ups. I wasn’t stupid. After the kitchens, I had a feeling she wouldn’t find her way to my room tonight—and yet, I couldn’t make myself relax enough to sleep.
I slowly lowered myself to the ground once again before quickly pushing back up—repeating the process again and again as each moment from earlier came back to haunt me. I couldn’t stop picturing the pain in her perfect features, the hitching of her breath. Couldn’t stop remembering every single moment that had led us to this one and wondering if I could have done things differently.
Another push-up. And another. The muscles in my abdomen burned, along with my biceps, but I refused to stop.
When my arms began to shake and the clock chimed the late hour—or early, I supposed—I finally took a break. Grabbing the towel near the washbasin, I wiped the sweat from my face and torso before downing a large glass of water.
All the while I stared at the passageway door, wondering if I followed the delicate footsteps back to her room if she would allow me entry. Wondering what I would say if she did, or if she would even be there.
It was the last thought that gave me pause, and I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer. Instead, I drained another glass of water before cleaning up and finally climbing into bed for good.
The next morning, Rowan didn’t seem too far off from her usual half-alive state at breakfast, though she was ignoring both me and even Korhonan more than usual.
I had spent the early hours of the day training with my men until Gwyn offered me another spar, something in the quirk of her eyebrow telling me she knew exactly how badly I needed the challenge. The exertion. The escape.
Where the last match had been full of joking and distractions, this one had been a relentless wave after wave of parries and blows until Prince Finn had finally declared a draw.
I hadn’t asked what demons Gwyn was trying to vanquish, because I sure as hell hadn’t wanted her to ask in turn, but it had been clear I wasn’t the only one. Even now, she was antsy in her seat, darting glances at the door like sitting here was the last thing she wanted to be doing.
Once breakfast was served, Gallagher cleared his throat, speaking up for a rare change. “Gwyn and I were thinking it might be fun to get out of the castle soon.”
His concerned gaze flitted from his sister to Rowan, landing at last on Avani, who was also noticeably quieter than usual.
“Why does it always seem to sound fun to the two of you to be anywhere away from your responsibilities at court?” Prince Finn countered lightly.
“We meant all of us, Da’,” Gwyn shot back, casting a glance at Rowan that was far less subtle than her twin’s had been. “We could head to the lake.”
Prince Finn followed her gaze thoughtfully. “Logan?”
The king looked at his daughters, one of which was blankly staring into her coffee mug, then heaved a small sigh.
“Aye, I suppose ye should. Just stay away from the taverns.”
“And the—” Jocelyn began, but Davin cut her off.
“Yes, yes, Mamá. No brothels either.”
I did not choke on my coffee, but it was a bit of an effort. Storms, just when I thought I had experienced the pinnacle of inappropriate Lochlannian table conversation, one of them always managed a new height.
At least I could take comfort in how much discomfort it brought Korhonan to hear Davin be so forthright about his proclivities.
“So, what do you all think?” Gwyn asked the table, though she looked directly at Rowan. “We could steal away for the day.”
Rowan finally looked up, blinking rapidly in evident confusion. Her mother mouthed the word lake, and Rowan sat up a little straighter in her chair, nodding her approval of the idea.
When? Gwyn was even less subtle than the queen with her silent words.
Rowan’s eyes went distant, the same way they always did when she was ostensibly studying the horizon for the mysterious weather patterns that only she could see.
Which was curious, considering she was facing away from the window. She responded with today , and I drank my coffee like I hadn’t noticed the exchange. It wasn’t worth putting her on guard again when, for the first time in a while, there was even the slightest hint of life in her features.
I wasn’t sure I was quite as excited to be leaving the castle walls as the rest of them, considering the kingdom full of people who hated me, but it had been a quiet ride thus far.
And of course I was armed, though I still would have preferred to have my men with me. We had decided against guards, opting for a smaller and less conspicuous group.
Rowan raced ahead, letting out the first genuine laugh I had heard from her since my arrival. Her hair streamed behind her, her voice carrying on the mild breeze as she cursed her sister for riding faster than she did, causing Avani to let out a first real laugh of her own and yell something back about being “scrappy”..
While they went to the edge of the serene lake, the rest of us unpacked our saddle bags to set out the food the kitchen had sent with us. Well, most of us set out food, Gwyn more sampled than aided us in setting everything on the picnic blanket, meanwhile Davin pulled out several bottles of wine I wasn't even sure how he had stashed in the relatively small compartment.
As we were finishing up, I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder to where Avani and Rowan still stood, now tightly clasping hands. Even from here, I could feel the sorrow waving off of them.
Gallagher must have noticed where I was looking, because he said, “The last time we were here was with Mac, before…”
Following his words, I could see and feel the grief starting to settle into each of the Lochlannians features, which felt so unnatural to see on Davin’s usually mischievous face.
“Libations?” he asked, shaking off the melancholy before his cousins returned to us, using a small dagger to uncork the bottle with a practiced ease.
I shook my head, even as he shoved the bottle toward me with an expression that said I would need it. I conceded, and after taking a drink, I passed the bottle to Gwyn who shook her head.
“I prefer to eat my fruit,” she said, popping a large green grape into her mouth.
Gallagher took the bottle instead, taking a long draught before passing it to Theo. “Yes, Gwynnie has never been a fan of imbibing?—”
“Why would I intentionally take something that hindered my reaction time? And that tasted so disgusting?” she asked, eyeing the bottle like it was filled with rotten fish instead of fermented grapes.
“Honestly, I’m still not sure you’re related to this family, Cousin,” Davin said with mock seriousness. “If it weren’t for the fact that you had some of your twin’s good looks, I might think you were adopted.”
She scoffed as Gallagher preened under the complement, before playfully punching them both in the arms.
“Is it sunny like this in Socair during the summer?” Rowan asked as she approached.
She had removed her outer cloak to reveal a pale blue gown with a wide neckline. Her lash marks were still crimson against her fair skin, creeping up her back and over her shoulders.
“Rowan—” Like the absolute aalio that he was, Korhonan was giving her a look dripping with sympathy and horror, focusing on her scars instead of answering her question.
“It’s fine,” she said quickly, pulling her ample curls around to hide them once more. For his sake. “I told you, they’re healed now.”
My fists clenched at my sides as the silence grew and my lemmikki reverted inward just a little more with each second.
I cleared my throat to answer the question that Korhonan hadn’t.
“It doesn’t get quite this warm, but yes, the sun shines in the summer, through early autumn,” I said, before deciding to tack on something else in an effort to pull her from whatever hell she had just lost herself in. “Though I’m surprised you didn’t know that already, what with your—what was it you said—interest in the weather?”
If the silence had only fallen before, it was a veritable avalanche now. Each of the Lochlannians went completely still, like if they moved, or even breathed, they would be answering the question I hadn’t yet brought myself to ask.
Rowan, however, tried to force an air of nonchalance into her shrug, her eyes still fixed on mine.
“I just know what the clouds indicate,” she said, unconvincingly.
“And here I had nearly forgotten about your weather-toe,” Korhonan cut in before I could respond, but I couldn’t even be angry about it.
Instead, I actually had to suppress a laugh.
Of all the terrible lies I had heard her tell, this one might have trumped them all. Something her sister and cousins seemed to agree on, given their states of near laughter or obvious disappointment.
“Weather-toe?” I pressed, drawing out each word like a question.
Rowan’s lips pursed in the way they always did when she was leaning into a lie. Then she squared her shoulders, nodding with all the confidence of someone who used the words weather-toe and expected it to be believed.
“Mhmm. It is...my toe, that I injured,” she said, her face going as scarlet as her hair. “And it...always acts up when a storm is coming.”
It was an effort not to laugh outright.
“Indeed,” I said, fighting back a smirk.
I was more than a little tempted to take it a step further by asking if there was a correlation between her weather-toe and her feminine needs but didn’t particularly want to share that moment with Korhonan.
When Gwyn quickly suggested a game of something called Clubball , it was clear that the subject was closed anyway.
So, I contented myself with being quietly amused as we rounded up the grazing horses and tucked them away in the nearby stables before our game.