Chapter 46
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
T he great hall was completely packed—filled with faces that I recognized, and many that I did not. A muscle feathered in my jaw as I resisted the urge to shift my weight from one foot to the next. I usually prided myself on my patience, but standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for my bride to appear, for our wedding to begin, was testing that patience more than anything else ever had.
I couldn’t shake the part of me that was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that was waiting for the clouds to break and finally let loose the storms they had been holding back until this very moment.
Until my lemmikki became my wife. Became mine in name, and law, as well as truth.
When the doors finally parted and the music began, my breath caught in my throat.
Verdant eyes locked onto mine and I was instantly rooted to the spot. A small smile curved her perfect lips as she scanned me from head to toe, a gesture I couldn’t help but return.
She was absolutely breathtaking. A portrait of perfection, painted and sculpted into a woman who could bring kingdoms to their knees with just a look. And she was mine .
My feral princess.
My lemmikki.
Her crimson curls were carefully tamed into submission, woven and braided up against her head and half hiding under the diamond tiara that shone nearly as brightly as she did.
It put on full display the gentle slope of her neck and the graceful line of her jaw.
Sheer lace painted the skin of her neck and shoulders, hugging her arms all the way down to her delicate wrists before expanding at her waist into full skirts. My heartbeat stuttered in my chest.
Mine.
She was mine.
That possessive voice in the back of my head repeated the word again and again with each step taken. The impatience I felt before transformed into something else entirely, growing hungrier the longer I watched her. All I could think about were the things I wanted to do to her, with her, as soon as our vows were through.
As she came to a stop in front of me, I felt like I could finally breathe again. Citrus and amber filled my lungs as her father placed her hand in mine. Lightning sparked where we touched, and the invisible cord that always connected us hummed in satisfaction.
A hush fell over the room as the magistrate spoke. Everything somehow came into a stark sort of clarity while remaining distant and fuzzy—as if I were going through the motions of the same dream I’d had over and over again.
As we said our vows, I allowed myself to exist in a moment where there were no furious dukes or angry lords. Where I wouldn’t have to return to my clan and burn it down on the whim of my angry, deranged father. Where Rowan’s life wouldn’t be constantly on the line for the sake of our alliance.
Where we might actually get to spend the rest of our lives doing nothing but keeping those promises.
Even if it was only for a handful of days a year.
I swallowed, burying the thought as quickly as it came, watching my lemmikki as she slid a ring onto my finger.
Rowan’s pupils widened, her lips parting in expectation, as the magistrate announced us man and wife. I leaned in with an agonizing slowness, forcing myself to show restraint as I pressed my mouth to hers.
Mine. I thought again, as I pulled away to meet her gaze.
My lemmikki.
My wife .
Without a moment to catch our breath, we were swept into a crowd of congratulations. Rowan clung to my hand, her fingers entwined with mine as we made our way through the masses toward the dance floor.
It would have been preferable to have a moment alone with my wife first, but I supposed we would have time enough for that tonight.
Rowan, too, seemed to resent the lack of privacy, if the longing in her eyes was anything to go by. Her gaze bored into mine like she was willing me to understand her.
My fingers gripped her waist a little tighter, and her breath hitched, her eyes flitting down to my lips. With each step of the dance, I pulled her closer, attempting to answer each of her unspoken questions, each of her silent pleas.
The rest of the ballroom fell away as we danced, existing in a moment created specifically for us.
But as soon as the music ended, something inside of my lemmikki closed off as a result. She swallowed, schooling her features into something far more guarded.
As the reception wore on, she grew even more introspective, quiet to a point of concern. Though her fingers were still laced in mine, she was no longer meeting my eye. She returned congratulations whenever they were offered but skirted around questions that pertained to our future.
My answers were vague, at best. I didn’t have anything more to offer them, not when Rowan had been walking a tightrope between decisions for weeks now.
Whenever I could, I redirected their attention to something else; the cake, the music, how grateful we were for their gifts, to my gracious new in-laws or to the innocent cultural differences between our wedding customs or celebrations.
And against all odds, my new wife appeared completely content to let me do so.
I rubbed my thumb along Rowan’s palm and her lashes fluttered in response. She leaned a little closer, though she still didn’t look my way.
Eventually, Rowan’s hand slipped from mine as she strode away to speak with Davin.
I flexed my fingers, already despising the loss of her warmth.
They spoke in low tones for a brief moment before Avani announced to the room that it was time to see us to our marriage bed. Rowan’s shoulders stiffened, and Davin threw his head back and laughed.
All eyes were on Rowan and me, and I began to wonder if this was why she had grown distant.
While she had molded her body to mine, infused fire into every kiss she pressed against my lips, teased and taunted with her words, her teeth and tongue, there had been clear lines she wasn’t ready to cross.
I moved to her side, placing my hand on her lower back to lead her out of the room of deafening applause and bawdy comments that were being thrown around.
Unfortunately, everyone and their brother decided to accompany us—an offense that any self-respecting Socairan would have fallen on their sword before committing.
They followed us all the way to the honeymoon suite, calling out suggestions and commentary for what may or may not be good wedding night etiquette. Rowan shook her head wryly, though she did walk on markedly faster footsteps until she was safely tucked behind the walls of our room.
I shut the door without a backward glance, just as someone made a comment about how she shouldn’t “be afeared. They all look that way!”
Words that likely doused the final embers of any desire she might have had previously.
For all of my kingdom’s faults, I had never found myself wishing to be back in Socair more than I did at this moment.