Chapter 94
CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR
T he siege was going about how we had expected it to. Only worse.
Wolf’s and Elk’s troops came in with deadly force, bolstered by the news that the Western Front was failing and Ram was advancing by the day.
We would be lucky to survive the week.
Red lined my vision as I thought over the few options we had left. I would kill Nils for this—if I survived long enough to do it.
The only thing I had to be grateful about was that Rowan was far, far away from all of it. She would be nearing the tunnels soon and well on her way back to Castle Chridhe by the end of the week.
Even if there wasn’t a single place in this storms-blasted castle that didn’t remind me of her.
Even if I couldn’t go five minutes without picturing her wicked smirk or the way her body felt pressed against mine.
Even if I could hardly look at Mila without realizing how deeply I had let myself want that with Rowan, how I had imagined the flat planes of her stomach growing round while her substantial temper grew even worse.
But we would never have that now.
Now, all I had were the endless days of death that would inevitably lead to my own.
In the second week, we lost Pavel when he crept across enemy lines to destroy their trebuchets. He was supposed to stop at two, knowing even he couldn’t escape notice when the second weapon was sabotaged. Instead, he had sacrificed his life to buy us a few more days.
And they had returned that gesture by sending his body back on their only remaining catapult.
The men coming in from the west weren’t going to be enough to stop this when more troops were also arriving from the south by the day.
The castle walls had nearly been breached a handful of times already. Even as I employed every single tactic I had ever thought of or read about, the day came when we needed every man.
I met Taras in his rooms. Mila stood stoically while my cousin clasped on his baldric, crossed at the front like mine was.
“I want you to stay,” I said.
It was an aalio move, saying it in front of Mila, but I had hope that she would help me convince him. Despite the sadness lingering in her eyes, though, she only shook her head in defeat, looking at me like I should have known better than to bother with that.
“Not a chance,” my cousin responded without bothering to look up.
“Iiro needs subjects,” I argued. “He isn’t likely to take out everyone, and you can speak for Bear when…”
When I’m not here to do it.
“Van.” He finally looked at me. “As my duke, you could ask anything of me, and I would comply. Except this.”
I shook my head in frustration. “You don’t need to give up your chance to meet your child for a fight we can’t win.”
“I am your second-in-command,” he hissed, a rare bit of anger entering his tone. “I couldn’t even look my child in the eyes if I didn’t fight at your side.”
Mila put a consoling hand on his arm, giving me a sideways glance. “If you were that concerned about him fighting, surely you could have found an inn somewhere to lock him against his will.”
She had not been happy when she found out where Rowan was.
“Wish that I had,” I muttered. “And for the last storms-blasted time, I didn’t lock Rowan anywhere.”
“Oh?” she pressed. “So she was free to go?”
I let out a slow breath through my nose, working to control my temper, reminding myself that she was only upset for her friend.
“She was freer than she would have been when Iiro got his hands on her,” I reminded Mila. “Would you rather I had brought her back here, when she’s all but got a target painted on her? She wouldn’t have stayed out of this fight, and she wouldn’t have survived it.”
I didn’t say the rest, that Mila was already losing her husband and the father of her child without adding her best friend to the roster, but her eyes flashed like she heard it anyway.
She didn’t back down, though. “Need I remind you that I am in the process of outfitting my husband and the father of my child to walk out on a battlefield that I am nowhere near na?ve or uninformed enough to believe he will return from?”
A bitter huff of air escaped her lips.
“So don’t you dare condescend to me like I don’t understand what’s at stake here.” She shook her head. “I know, just as Rowan knew, just as you and Taras know, but I don’t see either of you running away like you forced her to.”
She scowled before turning back to Taras, but my cousin looked at me in sympathy.
“Mila,” Taras said softly. “The risk for Rowan wasn’t the same as it is for me. Death on the battlefield would be preferable to what Iiro could do if he wanted to make an example of her.”
Mila stilled, her gaze landing on me. I watched the realization dawn on her features that Rowan wasn’t the only one Iiro wanted.
She surprised me by closing the distance between us and wrapping her arms around me in a brief, solid hug, her firm bump only slightly getting in the way. I reflexively returned it, taking an unexpected comfort in her sisterly presence.
“I suppose there are no good choices in war,” she acknowledged quietly, backing away.
Nodding mutely, I left to give them the privacy to say goodbye. I needed to make sure our battalion was ready, convince them that we hadn’t yet lost this war.
I needed them to fight like there was hope, even if I didn’t feel that myself. In one more hour, we would be heading to the battle.
They, at least, deserved to feel like there was a chance we might come back.