Chapter 19
ARIA
This man is impossible. Though I’m sure he’d probably say the same about me.
He’ll accidentally give me an inch, and I’ll greedily take a mile, but then he shuts down, and those walls come slamming back into place, closing me out.
But what am I supposed to do? He’s the only one who has the answers I need.
The only one who knows who I truly am. The only one who can piece together the missing parts of my life, but I also don’t know him well enough to push for these answers, and all I’m doing is backing myself into a corner.
One thing is for sure, he can’t handle when shit gets serious.
He doesn’t like talking about that night, and it’s clear from his reaction that he holds a lot of guilt, anguish, and heartbreak over everything that went down with his brother.
I just wish I could remember what led us to that moment so I can tell Stone that it wasn’t his fault—and truly mean it.
But I doubt there’s anything I could say that would somehow help him work through that guilt.
It’s been almost an hour since we stood out on that road, and so far, we haven’t said a single word. It was a relief to find that the approaching car was just a family loaded into a minivan and not a cop car hot on our trail.
This past hour has brought nothing but heaviness.
One part of me can’t stop replaying that dream in my head, can’t stop thinking about the words Stone said, or the guilt that rests on his shoulders.
While the other part of me is desperate to feel his lips against mine again, to feel the way his body would move with mine, to know exactly how he tastes.
God, just the way his hands moved over my body.
I need that more than I’ve needed anything before, like the way my body needs oxygen, or like the way a lock needs a key, or a shadow needs the light. We just belong together, and while I don’t truly understand why, I feel it deep in my soul. Stone Blackthorne belongs to me.
“So,” I say when the silence begins to eat at me, desperate to lighten the mood between us. “Seven straight years of nothing but jerking off. You must have the worst case of blue balls known to man.”
Stone slowly turns his head, those dark, terrifying eyes locking on to mine, but he doesn’t respond, just stares as though he could somehow intimidate me.
But after hearing what he said while I sat on that hood, telling me how I belonged to him, how I would always be first, he no longer has the ability to intimidate me—no matter how hard he tries.
“Come on,” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face, desperate to climb across this car and fuck him right here while he drives. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
He shakes his head and focuses on the road again, choosing not to respond, but I see the tiniest hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips, and nothing has ever made me feel more accomplished in my life.
I smile to myself as we continue down the road, then before I even know what I’m doing, I’m climbing across the center console and settling right in his lap, my knees straddling his thick thighs.
“The fuck are you doing, Menace?” he asks, one hand resting on the steering wheel, the other dropping to my ass.
Resting my hand on his chest, I slowly lean in to him and drop my lips to his in a brief kiss, feeling a wave of nervousness crash through my chest before quickly pulling away.
I’ve never been one to shy away from a sexual attraction.
I’m usually the girl who goes out and actively seeks it, but if our previous moments are anything to go by, then losing myself in him while he’s driving probably isn’t the best idea.
Being on the run is already insane enough; we don’t need to add a car accident to the list of things we’ve been partaking in recently.
“It’s you,” I tell him as he drives, vulnerability seeping through my veins and making me uneasy.
“I’ve spent years trying to remember even a spec of who I used to be, and nothing ever worked.
I’ve gone to therapy, been hypnotized, seen psychics, but nothing ever brought back the pieces, so I gave up on my past a long time ago.
But you show up in my life, and suddenly I’m having flashbacks and dreams. I know my real name, who I am, and where I come from, and that’s all you.
I was content just focusing on building a career in journalism, maintaining my little apartment, and trying to have some semblance of a life, but then you happened, and now?
I don’t know. The life I had . . . It feels so little in comparison to the world I had before with you, and even though I don’t fully remember, I can’t fathom the idea of ever going back to a world where you don’t exist. I want what we used to have. ”
His hand squeezes my ass. “I’m not about to let you go, Menace.”
“Oh, I’m more than aware of that,” I tell him, remembering the exact moment he had me up against the tree when I first tried to escape, and then the wall outside the house when I tried for the second time. “I don’t want to be away from you, not anymore.”
“You won’t.”
I nod as something settles in my chest, like a fractured piece of my soul healing itself.
“I want to trust you, Stone. Deep down, my gut is telling me that I can trust you, that I should, but it makes me nervous. I’m not one who can easily rely on others.
I don’t give out my trust like that, but for whatever reason, I know you’re never going to hurt me, that no matter what comes our way, you’re going to protect me. ”
“You’re not scared of me? Of what I can do?”
A stupid grin pulls at my lips, and I scoff. “I mean, watching you literally tear that dude’s throat out was kinda fucked up, but that was before I knew who you really were to me. Now?” I let out a sigh and cringe. “Is it wrong to think it’s kinda hot?”
He arches a brow and focuses his stare back on me. “Hot?”
“Steaming hot. Like makes me want to sit on your face kinda hot.”
Stone blows out a breath, his hand dragging down his face. “Fuck’s sake, Menace. The last time I saw you, you were seventeen. You were fucking wild, and a menace, but you were innocent. I’m not used to seeing you like this. So fucking bold and forward with what you want. It’s messing with my head.”
“I’m not a child anymore,” I remind him, rocking my hips over him, just in case he might have forgotten.
“Oh, believe me, I know.”
I can’t help but laugh as I relax a little bit more, liking the fact that he hasn’t tried to push me away, not when it’s already become one of his favorite things to do. Perhaps I was just going about it the wrong way. “Will you tell me what we used to be like?”
His jaw clenches, his hand tightening on my ass, and I quickly shake my head. “I don’t mean any of the bullshit. Just . . . you and me. Were we just kids who got the wrong end of the stick and wound up in the system before becoming complete nuisances? Or was there more to it?”
Stone’s features soften. “There’s always more to it, Menace. You were a fucking nightmare. At least, not at first, but there was a period when we were separated. You were about eight or nine, and you’d give your foster parents hell, always running away, skipping school, and being a menace.”
My brows furrow, and I shake my head, not understanding. “Why?”
“Why do you think? You were looking for me. It was your way of protesting, and you kept pushing until you were finally rehomed back with me and Ash. We were your safe place, right up until the three of us took off on our own when you were fourteen. At least, we were your safe place until Ash went off the rails.”
“What happened to him?”
Stone pauses for a moment, his gaze locked on the road ahead as he drives, and I go to curse myself out, certain I’ve pushed him too far, when his features finally soften, and he gives in, allowing me just a peek into my past. “Ash was a troubled kid. He was five when our mom was killed. Saw the whole thing and was never really the same. Even well into his teens. He struggled a lot, and for a while, you two were pretty close. He leaned on you a lot, and I suppose he always thought you’d get together at some point, but he was also very jealous. ”
“Jealous of what?”
“He saw the way you looked at me, Menace. Even as a kid. Your eyes would light up when you’d look at me. It’s as though you thought I was larger than life or something like that.”
“Like my hero?”
Stone shrugs and shakes his head. “I was never a hero.”
“You might have been to a lost little girl who needed someone to show her that everything was going to be okay,” I tell him. “You might have been her whole fucking world.”
Stone rolls his eyes, not prepared to take the compliment.
“Either way, Ash didn’t like it. He didn’t like the dynamic between us, didn’t like that you saw him as a brother, and he sure as fuck didn’t like that I was the one calling the shots.
He started experimenting with drugs and got himself mixed up with a gang, which turned into him thinking he could make a quick buck by dealing.
I tried to get him out of it, but I was just a kid myself at that point, and he was already in too deep. ”
“Shit,” I breathe, my heart starting to break. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Menace. He made his choices. That’s not a burden for you to bear. And besides, he was my kid brother. My blood. He was my responsibility, mine to watch out for. If anybody let him down, it’s me. His blood is on my hands.”
I shrug my shoulders, feeling the burden resting heavily on my shoulders nonetheless. “If I can’t blame myself, then you can’t blame yourself either,” I tell him. “Maybe if things had been different—”
“Don’t,” he tells me. “No matter how you felt about him at the time, he was already heading down that track. We had no choice but to leave. I wasn’t hanging around to let him drag you down with him. It wasn’t gonna happen.”