Chapter 28 #3
His gaze searched mine, looking for a certainty I didn’t have. “What changed? Last night you were—”
“Last night I was terrified. I’m still terrified.
” I moved closer. “But today—watching us both fall apart, playing like shit because we’re both so distracted, knowing that we’re going to keep spiraling if nothing changes—I can’t do that either.
So maybe we don’t have to decide everything tonight.
Maybe we just take the first step. Talk to people who’ve done it.
See if there’s a path we can’t see yet.”
étienne’s expression shifted, hope breaking through the exhaustion. “You’d really do that? Talk to them?”
“I don’t know if I can do what they did. But I’m willing to listen. To ask. To try to figure out if there’s any version of this where we don’t lose everything.”
For a long moment, he just looked at me. Then he reached out, his hand finding mine.
“Okay,” he whispered. “We’ll talk to them on Saturday.”
The relief that flooded through me was physical, overwhelming. Not because we’d solved anything—we hadn’t—but because we were facing it together. Not hiding from each other, not breaking apart, but trying.
“Come here,” étienne said quietly, pulling me toward the bed.
He kissed me, soft and desperate, and I let myself sink into it. Let myself have this moment of connection after two days of forced distance.
“I missed you,” he whispered against my mouth. “It’s been two days, and I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
His hands found the hem of my hoodie, sliding underneath to touch bare skin. “Stay. Please. We don’t have to worry about interruptions.”
I kissed him again, deeper. “I’m not going anywhere.”
We shed clothes slowly this time, no urgency, just the need to be close after two days of pretending we were just friends.
We came together with the familiarity of people who knew each other’s bodies, who’d learned what made the other person groan, the body language of more and please and don’t you dare stop.
When we were spent, we lay wrapped in each other in the bed by the window, the curtains open just enough to let in the city lights.
We stayed like that for a long time, breathing together. Eventually, étienne’s breathing deepened, and I knew he was asleep.
I should have gone back to my room. Should have maintained the appearance of propriety, of separation.
But I couldn’t make myself leave.
Instead, I pulled the blanket over both of us and let myself sleep beside him, consequences be damned.
We’d taken the first step.
And maybe that was enough for now.
I woke to sunlight streaming through the curtains and étienne already awake, propped up on one elbow, watching me.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi.” I checked my phone—7:30 a.m. “Shit. Morning skate is at nine.”
“We have time.” He smiled, and it was real, warm. “You stayed the whole night.”
“Yeah.”
“That was risky.”
I pulled him down for a kiss. “Worth it.”
étienne shifted, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. “We should text Griffin.”
“Now?” I sat up.
“We have free time this afternoon once we land in Portland. If we’re really going to do this—talk to them—we should set it up.” He looked at me. “Unless you changed your mind?”
“No. I haven’t changed my mind.” I pulled out my phone. “I have his number from when he played with us. I hope he hasn’t changed it.”
“Me too.” étienne was already opening his messages. “Should we both text him, or…”
“You do it. You were closer with him.”
étienne nodded, his thumbs hovering over the screen. “What do I say?”
“The truth. That we’d like to talk to him and Wesley. That it’s important.”
I watched as étienne typed, deleted, typed again. Finally, he showed me the screen.
étienne
Hey, Griffin. Hope you’re doing well. This is kind of out of nowhere, but Marco and I would like to talk to you and Wesley about something important. Would you guys have time to meet this afternoon around 4?
“That works,” I said.
étienne hit send, then set the phone down between us. “What if he asks what it’s about?”
“Then we tell him. He’ll understand.”
We sat there, both staring at his phone, waiting. Less than two minutes later, it buzzed.
Griffin
Hey! Good to hear from you. Yeah, we can meet. Everything okay?
étienne looked at me. I nodded.
étienne
We’re okay. Just need some advice about something personal.
Griffin
Got it. Come to my place? We can talk privately.
étienne
That would be perfect. Thank you.
Griffin
Of course. I’ll text you the address. And whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.
étienne’s hand tightened around his phone. “He knows.”
“Probably guesses, at least.” Anxiety crawled up my spine. Griffin was smart—he’d read between the lines of that text. “Need some advice.” He’d know exactly what that meant. “Griffin’s perceptive. And he’s been through this.”
A moment later, Griffin’s text came through with an address in Beaverton.
Griffin
See you later. Looking forward to catching up.
étienne saved the address in his contacts, then looked at me. “I’m terrified.”
“Me too. But at least we’re doing something. Taking a step.”
We got up and showered together, two big hockey players knocking elbows and knees in the small tub. I slipped back to my room at eight. The hallway was busy, teammates heading to breakfast, but no one gave me a second glance.
Just another player walking the halls.
Nothing to see.
We were meeting Griffin and Wesley this afternoon. Actually talking to someone about coming out.
This was real.
And I didn’t know if I was ready for it to be real.