Chapter 9 Lia #2
“All part of the pretense,” he echoes. “Purely for show. There’s no way any of this is real.”
As he says that, he leans down and plants a featherlight kiss on my forehead. Not my lips. Not my neck. He kisses my forehead like I’m something precious to him. Something he treasures. And as sweet as it is, it feels wrong.
I know what it’s like to feel treasured. Leo shows me in a thousand things he does every week—every day, even.
At least, he did. He used to. The way he treated me today and into tonight, it’s hard to say.
Maybe hard times bring out the worst in him—or they bring out what’s most genuine in him.
I’ve never known Leo to go through any kind of real problems before this.
And if this is the guy he becomes when the going gets tough…
I could do worse than let Josh give me a peck on the head. A lot worse.
The music changes and the song slows down, so we’re not as awkward out there swaying in each other’s arms. Josh’s cologne fills my nose, and my body reacts. I want him. I have to admit it. And is that such a bad thing?
I’m not saying I love Leo. I haven’t said that to anyone in a really long time.
But wanting a man and loving one are two separate things.
After what I’ve seen from Leo, I’m lucky I know the difference.
Or I’d be nursing a massive heartbreak right now, and who knows how different it would be to sway in Josh’s arms.
I want to make small talk to break the tension between us, but anything I say feels like the wrong door to open. Leo and why we’re here. Josh and his work. Which leads right back to Tim and to Leo.
Will I ever be able to talk to this guy without it feeling all wrong?
Without feeling like I’m doing something wrong?
“So, your dad’s in a motorcycle club?” Josh cuts the tension for me, basically pouring a bucket of ice over my libido by bringing up my dad.
“Uh, yeah,” I say. “But to be honest, I don’t know much about that part of his life. I only really started to get to know him about a year ago.”
Josh nods. “Not surprising. If you were mine, I’d keep you far away from the dangerous parts of my life too.”
What was that? Do my ears deceive me? Or is Josh making a subtle dig against Leo? The situation we’re in is not his fault. There would be no dangerous parts of Leo’s life if he didn’t have a deadbeat brother.
The MC surely isn’t, but I know most have that reputation.
Whatever Josh thinks about Leo, or the MC, he sounds like he’s trying to drive a wedge between Leo and me.
And part of me wants to go with it. Let Josh carry me past the memory of my roommate’s sultry massages, deep kisses, and climax-worthy skills in bed.
“From what I’ve seen so far, that would mean I couldn’t be yours.” I lay it on thick. “Your whole life seems dangerous.”
Josh laughs, and the spark ignites between us again. “It only seems that way,” he says. “I try to keep the criminals in prison, if they belong there.”
I nod, but then, in spite of myself, I huff a long, sad sigh.
“Hey.” Josh removes a hand from my back and tilts my chin.
“It’s all going to work out,” he says. “I know it seems impossible now, but remember the grandpa felon who went to grad school. The road might be full of potholes, but you’ll make it.
Wherever it is you want to go.” He meets my eyes, and something smolders there.
“Deciding what you want might be the hardest part of all.”
If I tip my head any farther back, he’ll kiss me.
I know he will. I can feel the heat from him every time our thighs bump.
I let my hands fall from behind his neck, and I lean against his chest, burying my nose against him.
If I don’t bury my face, I may kiss him myself.
And that’s a complication I don’t want, no matter how good and right his body feels.
“Lia,” he whispers.
We sway together until the song ends, and Josh, thankfully, pulls back.
“You want another beer? I need something to cool me off. Like an entire swimming pool.”
I nod, thankful that he’s fighting whatever this is as much as I am. At least for now. “Same, but a beer will have to do.”
Whatever this is—or isn’t—with Josh, I can simplify it if I remember two things. One, he’s not Leo.
And two, Leo means something to me. No matter how shitty he was to me today, he’s never not listened to me before. He’s never not taken my opinion seriously or treated me with anything less than respect and friendship.
He’s going through shit, and I’d be a hell of an asshole roommate if, after our first big fight, I jumped in bed with Leo’s enemy. In a few weeks, when things settle down, my emotions will be a lot clearer. And so will all of our intentions. Even mine. I can keep my body in check until then.
“I’m going to run to the ladies’ room. Be right back.” I give Josh’s hand a squeeze before I release it and head to the back of the bar.
The tiny bar bathroom is dark but surprisingly clean.
I can barely see to check my lipstick in the mirror, but I do it anyway.
I smooth my hair, pop a breath mint, and head into the stall to take care of my business.
While I’m in there, the door opens and I see one set of feet stop at the mirror.
Another set goes into the stall next to me.
When I come out to wash my hands, the hard-looking chick Josh had on his lap last night is standing in front of the mirror.
She meets my eyes and nods.
I nod back.
I wash my hands and am reaching for a paper towel when she points at me.
“You Josh’s girl?”
I shrug. This isn’t the first time I’ve been cornered by some ho in a bar bathroom, thinking she’s going to bully me out of being interested in a man. “He’s only a friend,” I say. “If you have something to say about it, you should take it up with him. He’s right outside.”
I go to leave, but she stops me with a hand. “This isn’t about Josh,” she says.
I flick a quick glance at the shoes in the stall behind me. My stomach sinks as I realize the door isn’t even closed all the way. Whoever is in there isn’t there for the toilet.
I clutch my purse over my chest and turn to leave the bathroom. I reach for the handle to yank open the door, but before I can leave, the stall door flies open and the man with the scarred hand I was talking to last night at the bar comes out.
He has a white cloth in his hand, and the only thing I hear before the room goes completely dark is his voice in my ear.
“Don’t scream.”