Chapter 9 #2
Something between a laugh and a sob came out of my mouth.
"Liam. Listen to me." Her voice had changed.
"I have spent twenty years watching you carry things that are too heavy for you.
You carried your father leaving. You carry the scholarship pressure.
You carried every summer at that marina watching rich kids live the life you deserved and you never once complained.
And now you're telling me you've been carrying this too? By yourself?"
"I had Alex."
"That's not what I mean and you know it."
I did know.
"Are you happy?" she asked. "With him. Is he good to you?"
"Yeah, Mom." My voice cracked. First time. "He's good to me."
"Does he know how lucky he is?"
"I think so."
"He better." She was crying now. I could hear it — not the heaving kind, the quiet kind.
Tears running while the voice stays steady because my mom didn't fall apart.
She held on. She always held on. "Baby, I don't care who you love.
You hear me? I don't care if it's a boy or a girl…
I don't care. All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.
That's it. And I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me. "
I couldn't talk. My face was wet and I didn't remember starting to cry.
"And if anyone gives you trouble for this, you tell them to call your mother. I'll drive the four hours and deal with it myself."
I laughed. Wet and broken. "Mom."
"I'm serious. I still have my softball bat in the garage."
"Please don't assault anyone."
"I'm not making promises."
The tension cracked.
"The person who sent the photo," she said. "Who was it?"
"A guy named Marcus. Alex's old friend."
"The asshole from the marina? The one who called you —"
"Yeah. Him."
"And Alex?"
"Alex beat the shit out of him."
A pause. Then: "Good."
"Mom."
"I said what I said."
I lay there. Holding the phone. Crying in a way that I hadn't since I was thirteen and my father's car pulled out of the driveway for the last time. Not because anything was wrong. But because I didn't have to hold it alone.
"I'm scared, Mom," I said. "I'm scared this will ruin my rowing career. What if they don't accept me?"
"They will. They have to. You're so talented."
"But Alex's dad knows people. He's rich. He's a psycho. And Alex might get kicked off his team. He might get expelled. And I don't know what he could do to my career —"
"Honey, it's going to be okay. This is your fear talking. Slow down."
I stopped.
"You can worry about all of that tomorrow. Right now I need you to hear me."
I paused.
"Are you listening?"
"Yeah."
"I am proud of you. I have always been proud of you. And nothing — not a photo, not a person, not a single thing on this earth — is going to change that. You are my son. You are brave and stubborn and you work harder than anyone I've ever known."
I pressed the phone against my ear so hard the case dug into my cheekbone.
"Okay," I said.
"You are going to overcome anything that comes your way. That's just you Liam. You've always been like that."
Her words were a relief in my heart, in my brain, in my body. She always had that way with me. She reminded me of who I was and I believed her. She was right, I had gotten this far despite my circumstances.
"Okay." She sniffed. "Now. When do I get to meet this boy properly? Because I've seen him on TV and he's very handsome but I need to look him in the eye and make sure he's good enough for my kid."
"I don't know. Maybe during the summer."
"Summer? No, not when this boy is kissing my son. Sooner."
"Mom…"
"I'm a mother. This is what we do."
"I'm hanging up."
"You are not."
I wasn't. I held the phone and listened to her breathe and let the quiet settle between us.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, baby. So much. Always." A pause. "Call me tonight. After you've seen Alex. I want to know he's okay."
"I will."
"And Liam. Eat something. You sound like you haven't eaten."
"I'll eat."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
She hung up first. The line went dead and I lay there holding the phone against my chest in the quiet room.
The tears dried. The ceiling came back into focus. The strip of light through the blinds had moved an inch since I'd lain down.
I picked up the phone. Opened the thread with Alex.
Alex
Suspended pending hearing. No practice. No classes.
Liam
Sorry. Just getting to this. Are you okay?
Alex
No. I might get expelled. They're talking about a formal hearing. My father's called four times and I can't pick up.
Alex
I'm scared, Liam.
Liam
I know. We'll figure it out.
Alex
How?
Liam
I don't know yet. But we will.
A pause.
Liam
I just called my mom. Told her about us.
Alex
You told her?
Liam
Yeah.
Alex
What did she say?
Liam
She cried. Then she said she's proud of me. Then she threatened to drive up here with a softball bat if anyone gives us trouble.
Alex
That's crazy but much better than my family.
Liam
She wants to meet you properly now that you're "kissing her son."
Alex
That's not all I've done.
Liam
Gross lol
A pause. Longer than the others.
Liam
I need you to know something. You didn't ruin my life last night. You ARE my life. I meant that. Whatever comes next, I'm not going anywhere.
The three dots appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.
Alex
You're everything to me, Liam. Everything.