Chapter Fifty-Two
Raine
I don’t recognize the light. Different windows in a different place. New angles.
My heart stutters, a flare of panic stealing my next breath. Until Asher’s fingers flex against my hip. With a soft groan, he settles a little closer, lingering somewhere between asleep and awake.
The blankets have pooled around his waist, giving me the chance to study his body. I trace the shape of him. Maybe if I commit him to memory, I won’t lose him.
I have to swallow over the lump in my throat. Does he even realize how much he’s giving up to be with me? How much he’s lost? His aliases. His work. His life. If he hasn’t yet, what will happen when he does?
GSD doesn’t forget. And they certainly don’t forgive. The bruises still fading on my skin are proof of that. If more than fifteen years of loyalty weren’t enough to keep me from being marked for disposal, nothing will save Asher if they ever get their hands on him.
I reach for my missing ring, find nothing on my finger, and press my heels into the mattress before my breathing slips out of rhythm. His coin is on the dresser, and I don’t want to wake him to get it.
A new question works its way in—how can I keep him safe and still put an end to Coherent Path—and whoever at GSD authorized it?
If Asher is giving up his entire world for me, I have to find a way to shield him from the fallout in mine.
He stirs when I settle closer, his fingers coming to rest on my lower back, and his eyes locking on mine.
“Body or mind?” he asks.
“You.” The answer slips out before I realize how it sounds.
Asher’s breath catches like he’s about to laugh, but then he stills. “That’s…new.”
“So is this. Us.”
I don’t look away. Something in his gaze calms me. The static in my head fades a little more with each passing second of eye contact.
He moves his right leg so his thigh brushes mine. My nervous system recognizes the shape of him. The heat of his skin. How he holds me but never pins me down. How he’s waiting for me to explain because he knows I will.
“We didn’t cross a line. We erased it.” I trace my finger along his oblique. “If GSD finds out, you’ll never be able to go back to your life. They’ll shut down your identities one at a time until they get to…you.”
“Not if we stop them.” He covers my hand with his for a single breath, then lets go. “I can build new aliases in my sleep, Raine. What I can’t do—what I won’t do unless you ask—is build a future without you. Because that’s not a future I want. Not anymore.”
My stomach clenches, his words hitting like a punch I couldn’t brace for. “I didn’t ask—”
His eyes soften, turning a deep ocean blue in the glow of morning. “You didn’t have to.”
The certainty in his voice unsettles me more than hesitation would have. “You had a whole life before you knew I existed, Asher,” I say, forcing the thought into the open instead of letting it pull me under.
“And I have one now, too.” His lips curve into a hint of a smile. “I chose this. Eyes wide open. No regrets.”
I search his face for any flicker of doubt—a single crack that would let me keep him safe. But I can’t find one.
“I don’t want you losing pieces of yourself because of me,” I whisper.
“If something in my life can’t survive because I’m aligned with you, it was never meant to.” He skims his palm lightly up and down my back. The touch calms me in a way I’m not prepared for.
The way he says the words—like alignment is a strength, not a liability—tugs at my core. “That’s almost…romantic.”
“Almost?” He chuckles. “Next time, I’ll try harder.”
I rest my cheek against his bicep. “I can’t reconcile this. Us. It changes the shape of…everything.”
“It does,” he says quietly. “But that’s the point.”
Asher
We stand at the bathroom counter side by side, going through the motions of morning. Raine brushes her teeth like plaque personally offends her, but after a moment, I remember why.
Eight days of not being allowed to take care of her most basic needs.
“Do you want to shower first?” I ask when I finish and set my toothbrush back in the holder.
Raine looks from me to the glass-walled enclosure, then back again. A subtle flush creeps up her neck. “I want…to shower together.”
The way she says that one word—want—almost sends me to my knees.
She doesn’t shrink back. Doesn’t drop her gaze. Her arms curl around her torso, vulnerability lingering in her eyes. “If you don’t—”
Shit.
“I do.”
I take a step closer, reaching past her to twist the knob. Water cascades in a gentle curtain, and as it warms, I strip off my briefs, tossing them into the hamper in the corner.
Raine’s cheeks turn a deeper red, her eyes lowering to where my dick stands at half-mast.
I drag my focus somewhere safer than imagining what I’ll see once she takes off the nightshirt. She’s already off balance. I won’t tip her further. Field stripping my Beretta is boring enough.
Eject the magazine. Clear the chamber. Press down on the takedown latch and ease the slide forward…
But I lose the thread completely when she tugs the long, dark gray shirt over her head.
As close as we were last night, even with her straddling me, naked and wanting, I couldn’t appreciate her body the way I can now.
Long, toned legs. A hint of softness to her stomach. Too many bruises along her ribs. Her nipples pebble, tight dusky nubs I can still feel under my fingers.
It’s only the sight of her shoulder that stops me from taking her in my arms and kissing her. The bruising there is deeper, pooled near the joint, where her body was forced beyond what anyone should have to endure.
She holds her right arm close, and though her brown eyes hold desire, there’s a hint of fear in them as well. She’s survived things that would have broken the strongest people in the world, and yet she’s still here. Still choosing this. Choosing me.
I step closer, pausing long enough for her to tell me to stop, before I wrap an arm around her lower back, drop my head, and brush my lips to hers.
“We don’t have to do this.”
Raine rests her cheek against my chest, her left hand trailing over the subtle ridges of my abs. “I know. That’s why I want to.”
We step under the spray together. Raine passes me the shampoo. “If you want…”
“Hold onto me,” I murmur as steam billows around us.
Once her arms are around my waist, I work the suds into her hair. The trust she’s giving me…I’ll never take it for granted.
Slowly, I massage her scalp. Her eyelids flutter, and a soft moan escapes her lips. I’m careful around her temples, but she no longer flinches when I get close to the places that anger me the most.
Where they shocked her. Repeatedly. Where they tried to erase her.
A smile tugs at her mouth. “I could get used to this.”
My hand cups the back of her head, and she leans into it so I can rinse the last of the shampoo from her hair.
“So could I.”