Chapter 15 #2
Kane keeps tossing, and I fidget from side to side, wondering what I should do to sell the realness of our relationship.
“So,” Hyacinth says, unbothered by our awkwardness, “where’s the ring?” she asks cheerily.
Kane drops the wok.
“Well…” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.
“He’s still saving up for a good one,” I lie, standing beside Kane.
Sorry, I tell him with my eyes.
I signed up for this, he tells me with his.
Hyacinth reaches around, shooing away her eagerly sniffing cats one at a time. “Where are you applying next year, Kane? All places near Percy’s top choices, I hope?”
“Of course,” he says, rummaging through our drawers.
I shimmy past him, pulling out plates and serving utensils. His hand moves to rest on the small of my back, jolting me with a rush of heat.
It’s just the pads of his fingers, the slightest brush against vertebrae, but the intimacy of it licks up my spine.
It feels too normal, too ordinary, for him to be in my apartment, dressed like a normal person, making me a meal when I’m sick.
It feels too real.
“And where is that?” Hyacinth asks again.
His lips quirk, hesitant, so I answer for him. “Oh, you know, some places in the Northeast, a couple in the Midwest and South close to family.”
“But what’s your dream program?”
He answers reflexively, like a pre-recorded interview response. “To stay here in Rusty. I need to take care of Jade and Bianca.”
My hands pause over the silverware, admiration fading. Of course, he’d want to stay. That shouldn’t surprise me. But my unspoken longing for him to say something pointless like, I’d follow you anywhere, makes my heart sink.
I guess even fake boyfriends can’t read my mind.
Or leave home for me.
“They’re your best friends, aren’t they?” I ask, grabbing drinks out of the fridge. Steam sizzles while he finishes plating. “My parents were the same way. Always liked their family over their friends.”
“Really?” he says, sounding surprised. He hands Hyacinth her plate, and she holds it close to her heart like it’s a present, watching us with something akin to motherly pride.
Kane reaches out, palming my wrist, turning it over gently to land my plate in my hand. “With how social you are, I assumed your family would have friends everywhere they went.”
A sudden, painful rip tears through my heart. Sometimes I forget that he doesn’t really know much about me. Or my family.
His fingers linger in the air as my hand drifts away.
“Nope, always been family first among Lovelaces,” I exhale. I step around the bar counter with him. “Sit and eat. We can clean up together later.”
Hyacinth, still the busybody, pulls out a chair next to us and prompts, “But, Percy, isn’t your dream program in The Hub?”
“The Hub?” Kane asks, brows raising. “Wow, little surgeon,” he says, flicking my nose. “Someone’s gifted.”
I ignore the way my pride soars. “Thanks.”
But I don’t miss the little twitch of his brow. The smile that’s pulling back from his eyes. The mask of happy over sad I’m as familiar with as the back of my hand, because I also don it all the time.
“I thought you wanted to end up in the same place?” Hyacinth asks.
I fidget with my cardigan hem, glancing at Kane.
He blinks, hard.
“Well,” he offers quietly, “we can do long distance.”
My hopes crumple like an old paper bag. It’s unlikely we’ll end up in the same place, but we’ve never formally sat down to discuss it.
But do I wish we had?
Especially when he’s so willing to take care of me like this?
“Either way,” he says, placing a warm hand on my thigh, “we’ll make the most of it wherever we end up.”
I thread my fingers through his, leg heating, and he nods, almost imperceptibly.
Whatever he’s about to do, I trust him.
I trust him enough that it’s feeling more like an ache than a statement that we’ll have to go our separate ways soon.
He pulls away for a moment, pulling something shiny and black out of his pocket.
Very slyly, he turns his head toward me and winks.
My blood stops rushing.
Is that—
“Speaking of rings… I told you I was saving up, but I was going to ask whether you would consider my mother’s ring.”
Oh my God.
Hyacinth’s jaw drops.
Time stops, along with what’s left of my heart.
“It’s not new,” he says, “but it would look good as something borrowed?” he asks, climbing out of his chair.
He lowers to one knee, popping open the box with a smile that reaches his cheekbones.
Oh, he knows Hyacinth’s on to us.
And he does understand me.
Hyacinth looks like she’s about to pass out.
I’m staring at the glittering rock that looks bigger than my life’s worth.
“It’s… perfect,” I whisper.
The wind feels knocked out of me.
A massive haloed diamond glitters in the setting, surrounded by emeralds jutting out from the center like spokes in a wheel, lined by a second layer of ornate, sparkling diamonds in a platinum band.
Hyacinth squeals, jumping out of her chair to see.
Kane shoots me a look filled with warmth.
Hand shaking, I take it out, hesitantly sliding it onto my ring finger.
It slides on with a gentle pop.
Kane rises slowly, staring at my reaction so intently that Hyacinth clears her throat.
“Well,” she stammers, “this was amazing… but I think I’ll go eat in my room, then.”
I’ve barely lifted my head to tell her, “No, Hyacinth, you can stay—”
She’s out the door with her food, trailed by her three cats, in seconds.
“Does she really think I’m going to make a move on you in a shared apartment space?” Kane whispers, face incredulous.
“I think anything is possible,” I answer, admiring how the gems glimmer in the light. How Kane’s awed satisfaction shines in the reflection.
I move to slip it off, but he stands, catching my hand in his.
“I insist,” he says. “Besides, she’s not the only one who’s asked why you don’t wear it.”
My voice warbles with gratitude. “Thank you, Kane.”
I’m shocked by how heavy it is in my hand. “It’s beautiful. I’ll take good care of it.”
“Good,” he says, and after Hyacinth’s door swings closed, lowers his voice. “How bad is it?”
I frown, pulling aside my cardigan. “It’s nasty.”
Kane’s shoulders drop, frown deepening. “Percy.”
His palm, rough and warm, slides under the hem of my cardigan, exposing my blisters.
A blush creeps across my cheeks.
“I wish you’d told me sooner,” he murmurs. “I don’t enjoy hearing about these things from Hyacinth.”
Shame prickles under my skin, especially with the affectionate look in his eyes as he lightly pulls my cardigan away, tracking how far the wounds extend.
“Sorry,” I say reflexively, and then cautiously, “do you… want to hear what’s going on in my life?”
“Of course,” he says, not even missing a beat.
My guilt multiplies while Kane tugs my cardigan back in place, securing me snugly.
“Even when we’re—” I peer around his head to make sure Hyacinth is gone, and he answers, “Of course I want to know when you’re sick, Percy. You’re my best…” he swallows. “You’re my only friend, and I really care about you.”
His voice cracks, hoarse and vulnerable, and it makes me want to throw my arms around him and hold him tight.
Instead, I peel his hand off my belly, the intensity of his admission rattling me to my core.
“Well, you’re best friend too, Kane,” I say, but the words come out strained, broken.
His brows knit, disbelieving. I squeeze his hand for reassurance, nudging him back to the bar seats. “You should tell me more about your life. I want to hear about you, too.”
His jaw ticks, but he lets me lead him. “There’s not much to say about it,” he says, sagging into a bar stool. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, how is interview season going? And also, you should eat.”
I mimic taking a bite of the food, then point the tip of my fork at him.
“I’ll force-feed you,” I threaten. “I can even bring Hyacinth out to watch us be one of those cringey codependent couples that’s always feeding each other.”
His sad face breaks, then he chuckles, reaching for his fork.
Mission accomplished!
See, positivity works sometimes.
I take a break to grab my fork, relishing the taste of his food. Savory and comforting, like how I feel when I’m with him. The pain is fading already.
“Are you getting interviews you like?” I ask between bites. “Do you feel like they’ll make you a great surgeon?”
His fork pauses.
And just like that, the curious light in his eyes disappears, and the distance returns.
He inhales a bite of his food, evading the question.
I look away, trapped in an awkward standoff with him, yet again.
“It’s going fine,” he says. He points to my plate. “Keep eating.”
I take another bite and almost moan. I wish it weren’t so delicious, dancing across my tongue. “Your mom is spoiling me today, Kane.”
“She would have loved you,” he says. “Truly.”
“Thanks,” I say, continuing to eat. For a little bit, it’s just us and our food, lapsing into silence while we chew.
“You’re a good brother,” I tell him, munching on my last scoop of rice, “for wanting to stay here for your siblings.”
Kane looks at me, expressionless. “I’m not that great.”
“You are,” I insist. “And it’s noble to care so much about your family.”
“It’s the right thing to do,” he says. He cocks his neck to the side, staring at the ceiling. “And logically, I think that’s the right decision for me—I’m most likely to match where the program director already knows me.”
A warmth spreads through my chest even as dread coils in my stomach. He’s such a good brother.
But sometimes I wish he wasn’t.
“Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard much about the OB/GYN department here, but—”
“Goldilocks made you look crazy,” he says. “I know.”
“Everybody knows,” I mutter, playing with my food.
“Well,” he eventually says with a wistful smile, “this is going to end soon, right? Do we really have to talk about it?”
“Well, yeah.” I try to sound chipper, but it comes out all wrong. “Because we’re still… friends, aren’t we? I mean, after all this time we spent together, I thought we were—”