Chapter 20
Colby watched as the puppy snuggled up to Ali.
I get it, dog. I’d like that, too.
He yanked his gaze back to his coffee mug.
“Colby?” she asked, and he knew she’d seen his sudden jerk.
“I just…” He struggled for a moment, then blurted out the first coherent question he could think of, nodding at Ziggy. “Does he help?”
She smiled softly and reached to stroked the soft fur. “Yes, he does. He’s so…interested. In everything. That was something I lost for a while.”
“After your husband died?”
She nodded. “I didn’t care about anything, for a long time. Then my neighbor’s dog had puppies, and I met this guy. He was the littlest of the litter, and the quietest. His siblings kept knocking him down. It’s silly, but I felt like we could…understand each other.”
“Not silly at all,” he said, his voice a little rough at the images she was putting in his mind.
“I missed my husband so much, I needed something, anything, to fill at least some of the hole he’d left.
And once I had Ziggy, I started to remember things besides the awful ending.
Like how Josh was the one who pushed me to start my business, who supported me trying.
He always had my back, always told me I could fly if I’d just trust my talent enough to lift off. ”
He wondered what that must have been like, to have someone so on your side, so encouraging…instead of someone telling you the work you loved was useless, pointless and something to be ashamed of.
“What did he do?”
She smiled. “He was a locksmith.”
“Well, that’s useful.”
“It is. Do you remember when the automatic locks at the emergency room at the local hospital went haywire about five years ago, and nobody could get in or out?”
“I do. It was all over the news, nearly caused a riot.” He knew where she was going then. “I read they called some guy out in the middle of the night and he had it fixed in like twenty minutes. That was your husband?”
“It was.”
He thought he recognized her expression. “You were proud of him,” he said softly, wondering what that would feel like.
“Very. And he of me. And that,” she went on, “is how it should be. A marriage, I mean.”
He looked at her then. “You don’t have to remind me. I realize that now.”
“I can’t imagine purposely making someone I supposedly love feel the way she’s made you feel.”
“No, you couldn’t, could you?” He had no doubts about that. Ziggy squirmed and let out a sleepy little woof. He reached out and petted the little guy. “Sometimes… I felt like a stray dog who got adopted, but then dumped because he wanted to hunt or herd instead of being a lap dog.”
“To do what he was bred to do,” Ali said, getting it immediately, not to his surprise.
“Exactly. And to me, her world was like trying to herd sharks.”
Ali grimaced. “How on earth did you last as long as you did with her?”
He shrugged. It seemed foolish to him now, beyond foolish. But it was the only answer. “Because I promised forever.”
“And Grace.”
“Yes.” He let out a compressed breath. “She deserved better than the hell she’s gone through. She deserved parents worthy of her. With a marriage that wasn’t built on…”
He really didn’t have any words for that, and waved a hand in defeat.
“You mean a marriage like, say, Hayley and Quinn’s, for example,” she said.
“Yes. They are…remarkable.”
“Did you know they met when, thanks to Cutter, he had to kidnap her?”
Colby blinked. “Had to?”
She nodded. “In the proverbial black helicopter. Have one of them tell you the story. It’s pretty amazing.”
He gave a slow shake of his head. “Seems everything about them is.”
“Yes. It does my heart good to know there are good people like them still around these days. To help good people like you.”
Colby looked at her for a long, silent moment. “What a mom you’d make,” he finally said, his throat tight. “The kind Grace should have had.”
He only realized what could be read into that after he said it, but Ali didn’t jump onto the inference that he would have preferred her as Grace’s mom, too.
Because that’s not who she is, she doesn’t take advantage of every stupid thing you say.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “That is one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever gotten.” She lowered her gaze to the pup. “We wanted kids. In fact, we stopped any prevention a few weeks before he was killed.”
He didn’t know what to say to that, and for once managed to keep his mouth shut before he said something that would make it worse. So he did the only thing he could think of. He reached over and laid his hand on top of hers where it was stroking the pup.
Her hand went still but she didn’t pull away. She stared down at his hand atop hers and then, to his shock, she turned hers over and wrapped her fingers around his.
“Grace may have one of the worst mothers on record, but she’s got you, and that makes up for a lot.”
He didn’t mean for it to happen. It wasn’t a decision he made any more than petting Ziggy seemed to be. He meant only to thank her with a kiss on the cheek, to make up for the words he couldn’t find. But she turned her head just then, her lips brushing his, and it became something much more.
She was so warm, so soft, so comforting and thrilling at the same time, that he couldn’t stop himself.
And she didn’t seem to want him to, which only kicked him into overdrive.
He tasted the lingering zest of the coffee, but only for a moment before all was erased but the singular, fiery taste of Ali herself.
Sweet and sharp, luscious and so very alive, all at once.
It was nearly overwhelming and when he finally broke the kiss he had a brief moment of trying to remember how to breathe normally.
She was staring at him, looking a bit as if she were in shock.
Of course she is, you had no right!
“Ali, I’m sor—”
She put a finger to his lips, stopping his apology. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. Not for that.”
“But—”
“I understand. It was impulse. Unexpected.” He thought he saw a faint rise of pink in her cheeks. “I liked it.” His heart seemed to take a little leap. “But right now…we have to focus on Grace, don’t we?”
That easily, and so very gently, she brought him back to earth. Back to reality. He couldn’t look at her when he nodded.
“So, we put…that on hold. But Colby?” He did look at her then, because he had to. “Just on hold, okay? Don’t bury it.”
She already knew him so well it seemed impossible. Because that was his gut-level response, kill it, bury it, because he had no right to even think that way let alone do anything about it. He wasn’t sure he would even if there wasn’t this huge, malevolent cloud hanging over him.
But there was, and Ali was right. Grace ever and always had to come first. And he would see to it that she did.