Chapter 5
Erin felt like sinking down to the floor, dissolving into a puddle of tears, the moment she closed the door behind her.
She fought it, because it was becoming a habit after every round of going to everyone she knew who knew Ethan, another round of questions until she’d irritated them all, with the same results she’d gotten every time.
Nothing. Nobody had seen him since she had, nobody knew anything about where he might be.
Teachers, parents of friends, even the clerks at the convenience store where she’d discovered someone had been sneaking them vaping supplies.
Since it was against the law for anyone under twenty-one, she understood the hesitancy to discuss it, although she’d assured them she didn’t care about getting them in trouble, only about getting Ethan home safely.
She felt so alone it seemed to twist her heart in her chest.
And whose fault is that?
She didn’t even try to quash the instinctive mental response anymore, not now.
It was her fault, because she hadn’t been strong enough, hadn’t been resilient enough to deal with the reality of being married to a hero.
She’d spent those seemingly endless days and nights at his side when he’d been in the hospital, and then months in rehab, and later on in out-patient therapy.
She’d never faltered, but about halfway through, that little voice in the back of her mind had kept getting louder and louder.
Never again. Never again. Never, ever again.
She simply could not go through this again, could not bear watching this man she loved beyond measure suffer such agony, could not stand ever again finding him on his knees in tears when he thought she wouldn’t see—this man who’d never come close to breaking in all the years she’d known and loved him.
She made herself go to her computer usually reserved for her graphics work, with which she helped support herself and her son.
Helped being the operative word, because she knew that without Blaine paying his child support—and more—regularly, they would not be as comfortable as they were.
It jabbed at her, but for Ethan’s sake, she couldn’t say no.
She pulled up the file she’d started last night when she’d finally accepted she wasn’t going to get a miracle, that the police were not going to instantly find Ethan and bring him home.
She knew that as scattered as she was right now, she needed to keep track of things, of people she’d spoken to and what they’d said, and of people she didn’t know how to find or reach but had reason to think might know something.
She stared at the list of names, some with notes, some blank.
If she kept this up, people were going to start running and slamming doors the moment they saw her coming.
But she had to do something, she couldn’t just sit around the house and hope he came home.
She had to do something. She had to or she would go crazy with the ever-building worry. She had to or—
Her phone rang and she grabbed for it. It was an unknown number she probably would have blocked as spam a few days ago, but now…
“Hello?”
“I’m here.”
Her breath caught at the deep, vibrant voice. The voice that had once sent ripples of sensation through her, head to toe with several stops in between. Blaine. If she’d been less rattled right now, she might have pretended not to recognize him. Play it cool.
She almost laughed at the idea that she could ever play it cool around Blaine Everett.
“Where?” was all she could manage.
“In San Juan Cap near the mission at the moment. I need that list.”
She could hardly blame him for his short tone and blunt words. After all, she was the one who had walked out on him. But it still stung, and she didn’t like that it did. After two years, she’d hoped to be further along in this journey she’d never wanted to be on in the first place.
You did it. You’re the one who ran, not him. Never him. Never, ever.
“I have it all in a document I put together last night. Tell me where to send it. It’s kind of long,” she added in warning.
He gave her an email address that had no name connection to him that she could see, a .org address, and she couldn’t help wondering if maybe it was a girlfriend’s work address. Surely some lucky woman with more courage and endurance than she had had snapped Blaine up by now?
And if she was jealous at the very idea, that was her own stupid fault.
* * *
Blaine stared out the window at the fountain in the back courtyard while Rafe looked over the list showing on the screen. They were in the front building now, clearly the actual headquarters of Foxworth Southwest.
“I’ll take the official ones, the cops and county sheriff,” Rafe said, and Blaine turned his attention back to where it needed to be.
“I can call and name-drop Foxworth on them and maybe get more than an anxious parent could.” At Blaine’s raised-brow expression, he shrugged.
“We’ve got a rep, and with law enforcement it’s generally a good one, because we don’t care who gets the credit as long as the right thing gets done. ”
“Okay,” Blaine said, becoming more amazed every time something Rafe said indicated the reach and influence of these people he now worked for. He supposed he should have guessed the crew that took out a governor and a sitting senator would have some pull.
But that feeling was quickly overtaken by apprehension when he realized he was going to be contacting people as Ethan’s father, someone who as far as they knew was rarely in the picture.
At least there wasn’t a stepfather to deal with. He’d made sure of that when she’d first called, because he wanted to know what he might be dealing with. Sort of like checking the weather one last time before you took off.
He get in a fight with your husband?
There is no husband.
Boyfriend?
That either, not that it’s your business.
Oh, heck no, none of my business. Unless he’s abusing my son and that’s why he ran.
She’d almost hung up on him then, he could practically feel it over the phone connection. He supposed it was a measure of how worried she was that she didn’t. Which in turn told him he had to take this seriously.
“—you can take the parents of his friends, get what you can,” Rafe was saying, and he tuned back in, giving himself an inward shake at letting his focus wander.
“Okay. I’ll try, but I’m no cop or trained interviewer.”
“Do it in person.” Rafe gave him a crooked, half smile. “You’re less intimidating than I seem to be, to civilians.”
“You do have that thousand-mile stare,” Blaine said, only half kidding. There was indeed something about the guy that intimidated even combat veterans.
“And take Cutter with you,” Rafe added.
Blaine gave him a startled look. “The dog?”
“He makes people react differently.” Blaine was sure he must have looked doubtful, because Rafe went on. “Took me a while to accept the effect he has, but he calms people. Might help with the kids, too.”
Blaine couldn’t deny that. After all, he’d felt it himself.
And he supposed having a dog as company would at least keep some kids, friends of Ethan’s, from taking off the minute they found out who he was.
Who knows what his son had told them about him.
Maybe that he didn’t even care enough to visit more than a few times a year.
He figured that was what Erin had told him, to keep him from knowing he hadn’t come more often because she made it so difficult.
He’s your son, I’d never deny you visitation, but I need to make arrangements when you come, so I need plenty of advance notice.
Which had eliminated a few times when he’d had a couple of days drop unexpectedly out of his calendar and he could have visited, spur of the moment. He hadn’t been sure at first what arrangements she had to make, but after the third time he’d realized the arrangements were for her to be elsewhere.
Ethan had always just said Mom had something to do, some extra class she was taking, some friend she was visiting, but Blaine knew perfectly well it wasn’t what she was going to, it was what—or rather who—she was getting away from. Him.
And so he’d been forced to settle for texts and the occasional phone call to keep in touch with the boy he loved more than anything.
“Let me get hold of Walker and get some further local direction. Once we have that, I’ll see what I can find from official sources, see if there’s anyone they thought knew more but who was reluctant to talk to them. Then we’ll go from there.”
Blaine nodded, and while Rafe made his calls he wandered around the building.
It was a single story, with several work areas with computers.
He was drawn to one corner where there was a large, built-in fireplace, rounded and white, in the traditional adobe style.
A curved sectional sat in front of it, along with a circular coffee table that echoed the theme.
To one side of the fireplace was a large flat-screen on the wall.
There were a couple of individual offices around the outer edge of the spacious building, and one large room with an appropriately sized table, that looked as if it were reserved for meetings. The place was a combination of both businesslike and welcoming, unlike anyplace he was used to.
He’d never expected this. Or anything like it, when he’d called Rafe to ask for help. He’d just wanted some backup, in case he had to confront some nasty—and armed—gangsters to get Ethan out of whatever trouble he was in.
He thought about sitting down—he was more than a little tired—but with his luck lately he’d doze off.
But then he realized how little chance there really was of that, with his mind racing full tilt.
Still, he stayed on his feet, not pacing exactly, but going from window to window, room to room, trying to focus on this new place rather than the well-beaten path that had taken over his consciousness.
The path that led to the inevitable conclusion.
This was his fault. At least, in part. He should have pushed harder, pushed to be a bigger part of his son’s life.
No matter that it was painful to see Erin dodge him when he was around, he should have done it anyway.
But she’d made it so clear she didn’t want to be anywhere near him, and he couldn’t help wondering if that had something to do with Ethan’s situation now.
Maybe she’d told him his father didn’t care about him, that was why he wasn’t around.
It didn’t seem like something Erin would do, bad-mouth him to perhaps keep the boy loyal only to her, but then walking out on him after the worst was over didn’t, either.
But she’d done it. After all they’d been through, after she’d been rock-solid through his entire recovery, after he was back on his feet and things were almost back to normal, that was when she’d walked away and never looked back.
Everyone around him had been stunned. She’d been an almost fiery presence in the hospital, in the rehab center and during the outpatient treatment, confronting anyone from therapists to doctors if she thought he was getting shortchanged.
She’d fought for him, in a way that had surprised even him; he’d never seen this fierce side of her before.
He, their son, and everyone else, saw it as evidence of just how much she loved him.
It turned out to be the last flameout of a dying star.
And now Ethan was on a path to a different kind of flameout. And Blaine’s jaw tightened at the grim thought.
He needed to quit feeling sorry for himself, and focus on his son.